


Adoration and Honour

by IMDBeckham



Category: Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Armitage Hux-centric, Canon-Typical Violence, F/M, Pre-Star Wars: The Force Awakens, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-10-09
Updated: 2021-03-07
Packaged: 2021-03-08 00:02:23
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 25
Words: 53,859
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26906314
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/IMDBeckham/pseuds/IMDBeckham
Summary: Evren Saeran is a young physician recruited by the First Order, but when she captures the attention of a certain general, she must decide if love is worth compromising her ethics.
Relationships: Armitage Hux/Original Female Character(s)
Comments: 125
Kudos: 86





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> Welcome to the first ever First Order Friday! I am giving you two chapters to start. Enjoy...

# Prologue

* * *

#### 24 ABY - Vashka - Outer Rim Territories

“We’ll be arriving in twenty minutes, sir.” 

I released a frustrated huff at the pilot’s announcement, not bothering to look up from my datapad. My father had sent me to conduct business on his behalf, claiming that something had come up. I was furious at being treated like his errand boy. Conducting interviews for potential commissioned officers was beneath him, and it was certainly beneath me. We had people specifically in place for such a task, but apparently this was being done as a favour to an old friend of his. Knowing this did nothing for my mood, of course. 

I closed the report I was reading and pulled up my messages, scrolling until I found the one I was looking for and opened it. I accessed the attached file and read through the information again. The person I was interviewing was training to become a doctor, and the First Order could certainly use more of those. Grooming children to become officers and soldiers was easy, but it was nearly impossible to provide a thorough medical education within the First Order. Of course we had a fair amount of physicians left over from the days of the Empire, but they were quickly aging, and recruitment from outside of the Order was, unfortunately, necessary. 

We usually selected recruits who had already completed school and sometimes even their first year of residency, people with old Imperial ties and who came from wealthy families. It was rare that we financed an outside education, and even more rare that we did so when that person still had so many years of school left to complete, but here I was on my way to conduct an interview and extend an offer if I deemed the candidate worthy.

I felt the tell-tale lurch of the shuttle as it landed and I stood, folding my hands behind my back with datapad still in hand. I exited the shuttle and made my way toward the university, a Stormtrooper guard in tow. 

I knocked upon reaching my destination and resumed my stance, hands behind my back, as I waited. When the door slid open I was met by a man with greying hair and tan skin that was heavily wrinkled, probably from spending too much time in the sun. “Where’s Brendol?’” he asked in place of a greeting with a frown on his face.

“General Hux is otherwise engaged,” I replied. I was certain that I was unable to hide the disdain from my face. “I am Colonel Hux and I shall be conducting this interview.”

He nodded his head in understanding. “Of course,” he said, a smile spreading across his face before he continued. “That’s too bad. I was hoping we could catch up. I am Professor Camara, and may I introduce Miss Evren Saeran.” He gestured towards his left, to the girl standing in front of the desk. 

I studied her as she stepped forward. Short and slim, she was dressed smartly enough, but her dark hair, which was braided around the crown of her head, was untidy with several pieces falling down about her face and shoulders. I supposed she was pretty enough, but her unkempt hair would not do for the Order. I couldn’t help but notice the blush that coloured her cheeks at my scrutiny. 

The professor cleared his throat before he asked, “Shall we then?”

“You may leave us,” I replied, not taking my eyes from the girl. I could sense the professor’s hesitation as he began to speak again, but I cut him off with a firm command. “Leave us.” 

He lingered for a moment more, and I did not miss the concerned look he gave the girl. The door closed behind him and I made my way to the chair behind the desk. “Be seated,” I said once I’d rounded the desk. Once we were both seated I began, “I am Colonel Hux of the First Order. I understand that you are in need of financial assistance to fund your education, and the First Order is in the position to provide such assistance. Of course you will be required to serve upon completion of your education, but we shall get to that later. You are studying to be a doctor?” 

“Yes. I am,” she replied.

I pursed my lips at her lack of using the word “Sir” as she addressed me, but continued on, “And how much of your matriculation have you completed?”

“I’m in my third year of my BioChemistry degree.”

“So, you still have five years left to complete,” I stated. I was well aware of the amount of time it took to attain a Medical degree. 

She confirmed with a simple, “yes.” 

I glanced at my datapad to hide my frustration at her impertinence. “Your scores are impressive. And there’s nothing untoward on your record,” I continued, not allowing a moment for her to respond. “It says here that you’re an orphan.” I stated this fact questioningly and turned my attention back towards her. 

“Yes.” I quirked a brow at her, waiting for her to continue. She bit her lip for a moment before she began, “My father was a pilot for the Empire. He was sent here, to Vashka,” she clarified, “after it fell. He died when I was three...bloodburn. My mother died when I was eleven. She was killed by an apidactyl.” She paused for a moment before speaking again, “That’s why I wanted to become a doctor. I couldn’t save my parents, but maybe I could help save others.” 

I noticed the way she held her hands demurely on her lap, fidgeting with her fingertips as she spoke. “Were your parents loyal to the Empire they served?” I asked her. It was important to suss out where her loyalties might lie before disclosing any more information about the First Order. 

I watched as her brow furrowed and she chewed the inside corner of her lip while she thought on her response. After a moment, she spoke, “I’m not really sure. I mean...I assume so. My mother never really spoke about it and my father died when I was so young. Mother used to tell me stories, of course, about father...about his missions. She never seemed angry or upset or frustrated when talking about the Empire, so I would assume so. That they were loyal, I mean.” I listened impassively, noting her continued fidgeting. I was annoyed with her conspicuous nervousness, an apparent display of weakness, but the Order could break her of that. I steepled my fingers in front of me and stared down at the report on my datapad, thinking about the girl before me. She was smart, her scores proved that, she had Imperial ties, and she was alone. There was no one else to compete for her attention or loyalty. The decision was an easy one. 

“You will be expected to complete your first year of Residency prior to beginning the fulfillment of your obligation to the First Order. Once your first year is complete you will participate in officer’s training prior to completing your Residency within the First Order. You will be commissioned for ten years, beginning after you complete Residency. In addition to financing your education, you will also be provided a small, monthly stipend to help cover the cost of living expenses. You will be expected to report in at designated times in order for your progress to be tracked. While enlisted, but not actively serving the First Order, you will be expected to conduct yourself in a manner befitting an officer of the First Order at all times. And, of course, you must keep the existence of the Order, and your involvement in it, an absolute secret. If you choose to accept these terms, I have a contract here for you to sign.” 

“I’m...I’m sorry,” she said, embarrassment clear in her voice. “What is the First Order...?” 

I did not allow the shock to register on my face that she was not aware of the Order. I assumed that her professor would have informed her upon requesting the aid on her behalf. I launched into an explanation of the First Order- it’s origins, beliefs and mission. I found myself increasingly distracted and annoyed by her lip biting as I spoke. We would certainly break her of that.

  
  
  



	2. New Beginnings

# New Beginnings

* * *

#### 32 ABY - The **_Supremacy_** **\- somewhere in Sector Epsilon 51-3 - The Unknown Regions**

#### Evren, Day 1

I slowed my brisk jog to a walk before stopping altogether, bending forward with my hands on my thighs and panting as I waited for my breathing to regulate. After a moment I stood and clutched at the stitch on my right side while simultaneously glancing at the chrono on my left wrist: 0620. I left the recreation area and headed to the mess hall in search of some caf. I decided to grab a cup for Carice, too, knowing she would more than likely still be asleep. We had spent the evening in the officer’s lounge, but she had chosen to remain behind, flirting with a fellow officer, when I decided to retire for the night at 1030. I was awakened as she stumbled into our quarters at 0200 and immediately collapsed onto her bed. That behaviour was par for the course with Carice. I shook my head slightly, lips pursed, as I thought of all the nights she’d spent in a drunken stupor with one of her many paramours. That was the good thing about a ship the size of the _Supremacy_ , she had her choice. 

I heard the click of the lock as it registered my code cylinder, granting me access to our room. I smirked at the site of Carice still asleep before sitting down on the edge of her bed. She shifted with my weight before opening her eyes to look at me. I held out the cup of caf to her and she took it gratefully before sitting up, leaning her back against the wall. “What time is it?” she asked. 

“0640,” I replied before taking another sip of my caf. 

“It’s so early. We don’t leave until 10,” she whined.

I rolled my eyes at her before getting up and heading to the refresher. “I’m going to get ready and I suggest you do the same.”

As I got ready I reflected on my time within the First Order thus far. Sure I had technically been an enlisted member since that fateful day in 24 ABY, but, other than the payments and bi-monthly check-ins, I’d not really felt its presence in my life. That had all changed upon my completion of my first year of Residency, when I’d been brought to the _Supremacy_ to begin my assimilation into the First Order. That was when I’d met Carice, having been assigned as her roommate. She had been brought up within the Order, and played an essential role in helping me adjust to and navigate the strict protocols of military life. 

I’d spent my first three months aboard the _Supremacy_ in reprogramming, a combination of training in First Order protocol and military strategy as well as physical conditioning. Upon completion, I’d joined one of several officer training classes on board. Most of my peers were junior officers raised within the First Order, but there were a few other enlisted members amongst those of us in training. However, we were scattered amongst the different classes and with the size of the ship and the presence of over two million personnel, I had yet to encounter another enlisted officer in training. The other officers in my class avoided me because I was an outsider. Carice was my only friend. 

I worried my bottom lip as I thought about the coming day, but my thoughts were interrupted by Carice, “Hurry up! I need a shower, too.”

I rinsed my hair once more before turning off the water, stepping out and wrapping myself in a towel. A moment later Carice let herself in and stripped off her underthings, the clothes she’d slept in already gone, and got into the shower. I rolled my eyes at her before moving to stand in front of the small sink and mirror, applying a bit of makeup in an attempt to put my best foot forward. I stared at myself in the mirror for a moment. My skin had always been pale, but spending the last seven months on a battleship in the middle of space had made it even paler. Leaving my hair down to dry, I made my way from the refresher to finish getting ready. I donned my uniform, deciding to leave my tunic off as I finished packing. I noticed Carice had packed her things while I was in the shower. 

A few moments later Carice exited the refresher and put on her uniform. I took her place in the small room, pulling my hair up into a regulation bun at the nape of my neck and grabbing the rest of my things from the bathroom. 

“Hungry?” she asked me from where she sat on her bed, pulling on her boots. 

“Starving,” I replied, throwing my toiletries in my bag before zipping it and placing it on top of the small luggage case beside the door. I grabbed my tunic from the closet and pulled it on, doing it up as we exited our room and made our way to the mess hall. 

*******

I sat on the shuttle, chewing the inside of my cheek nervously. It wasn’t completely unheard of, but it was highly irregular, to be pulled during the course of officer’s training to complete one’s indoctrination elsewhere. I had been chosen to complete the last three months of my training aboard the _Finalizer_ . I was unsure if that was a good or bad thing. The one thing that eased my anxiety somewhat was that Carice has received her orders for the _Finalizer_ as well. 

I felt the tell-tale shutter as the ship exited hyperspace and I glanced to my right where Carice sat looking completely relaxed. She smirked at me and I rolled my eyes before turning them forward. Of course she was at ease. She never seemed to worry about anything. I tried, rather awkwardly, not to stare at the Stormtroopers sitting across from us, and I wondered if they were staring at us. It was impossible to tell under the helmets they wore. 

I felt the shuttle lurch again and knew we had landed. The door opened immediately and an officer stepped onto the ramp. “At ease,” he said, stopping everyone in different degrees of standing to attention. “Officers, grab your things and follow me,” he said before stepping off the shuttle again. I followed Carice from the shuttle, wheeling my luggage beside me. I shivered as I stepped out into the hangar and suddenly wished I had worn my gaberwool coat instead of packing it. 

Exiting the hangar, we followed the officer who had escorted us from the shuttle through the ship. I noted he was a Lieutenant from the band on his left sleeve. He led us through the Star Destroyer and showed us the commissary, mess hall, recreation area and training rooms, and the officers’ lounge before directing us to our quarters. I was grateful for the tour, however brief. The _Finalizer_ was vastly different from the _Mega_ -class Star Dreadnought, and, although I’d studied the layout of the Star Destroyer and it was significantly smaller than the _Supremacy_ , I was certain one could easily get lost. 

Upon our arrival to the officers’ quarters, a female officer stood waiting to meet us. “This is Lieutenant Andrin,” the male Lieutenant said. “Ladies, she will show you to your rooms. Men, you will follow me.” With that he made his way back the way we had come. 

I turned and followed Lieutenant Andrin, and the other female officers, down the hallway she had been standing in front of. She glanced at a datapad as she walked before stopping at a door, “Junior Lieutenant Balint.” A tall blonde stepped forward and saluted Lieutenant Andrin before disappearing inside her room. As we moved on I found myself hoping to share a room with Carice again. We stopped again a few doors down, “Lieutenant Daemyn.” Carice and I exchanged glances as she made her way toward the door, and I did not miss the apologetic look she gave me. We continued on until there were just two of us left. We followed Lieutenant Andrin to a lift, taking it down a level before turning right out of it. She stopped at another door and glanced down at her datapad again before saying, “Junior Lieutenant Bach Yen.” I watched as my companion, a pretty girl with olive skin and dark hair, saluted the Lieutenant and disappeared into her room. 

I continued to follow Lieutenant Andrin further down the hallway. I was the only one left. “Ensign Saeran,” Andrin finally said. The door opened when my code cylinder got close enough, but I had my back turned to the room, saluting Lieutenant Andrin before I made my way inside. I’m not sure why, but I was surprised to find that the room was already occupied, my roommate sitting on the top bunk. 

She looked up from the datapad in her lap, appraising me. After a moment, I finally spoke, “Hello.” She said nothing, just continued to stare at me, so I tried again. Making my way toward her with my hand extended I said, “I’m Evren.” 

“Junior Lieutenant Nefret Sabbia,” she replied, giving my hand a curt shake before returning back to her datapad. I retrieved my luggage from beside the door and placed it on the bottom bunk. I looked around for a moment, noting the single desk and chair, the open closets (one of which was occupied and the other empty) and the door to the private refresher. I opened my bag and pulled out my toiletries, making my way to the refresher. It was arranged slightly differently from the one I’d shared with Carice on the _Supremacy_ , which made it seem larger, but it was still very small. I was glad, though, that I had to share a refresher with only one person, rather than an entire hall like Stormtroopers had to. 

I glanced at Nefret after I’d finished unpacking and noticed that she was still staring at her datapad, but with headphones in now. Sighing, I sat down on my bed and took my hair down from its bun in an attempt to stave off the headache I felt beginning. I grabbed my datapad from the shelf beside my bed, logged in and smiled when I saw I had a message waiting from Carice. I read it, ignoring the other messages I had waiting for me, deciding to read them later tonight. I could see they were about training tomorrow. I locked my datapad and tossed it on my bed, making my way to Carice’s room at her invitation. 

I pushed the button beside her door requesting entry, smiling when it opened and Carice stood there beaming at me before she ushered me into the room. “Evvy, this is Irie. Irie, this is Evren. She’s still in training, too,” she said, introducing me to her new roommate. The girl jumped up from her bed and I noticed she was wearing fitness attire. She was taller than me, which wasn’t hard to be, and had caramel skin, gorgeous dark curls and a bright smile. 

“It’s wonderful to meet you. Carice has already told me so much about you,” she said, extending her hand to shake mine. 

I smiled back at her before declaring, “No fair! Your roommate is much nicer than mine.”

They both laughed before Carice remarked, “Come on...she can’t be that bad. You’ve only known her for what...ten minutes?”

I undid my tunic before lying across Carice’s bed. “Well, she introduced herself as ‘Junior Lieutenant Nefret Sabbia,’ so there’s that…” I replied. 

“Oh wow,” Irie said, dragging out the word “wow.” “That’s intense.”

“Hmmm,” I hummed in reply, closing my eyes. I felt the bed shift as someone sat on it by my legs and I got the uneasy feeling I was being watched. I opened one of my eyes and saw Carice looking down at me. “What?” I asked, closing both of my eyes again. 

“Did you see your messages? About tomorrow?” she asked. 

“I haven’t read them yet,” was all I offered in reply. 

“Then I guess you didn’t see the signature.” Carice was a generally upbeat person, so the gravity I heard in her voice concerned me. “General Hux…” she finally said. 

I sat up quickly, too quickly, smacking my head on the underside of the top bunk. I winced and rubbed at the now tender spot at my hairline. “Is that good or bad?” I asked. When Carice didn’t immediately respond, I looked over at Irie, who shrugged in response to my question, a sombre look on her face. 

I looked back at Carice as she finally spoke, “I honestly don’t know. It could be good. I mean...I know you’ve done well with your training so far, Evvy. You’re a kriffing doctor, so, of course, you’re smart. Irie, have you performed well?” Irie swallowed thickly and nodded. “So, you guys could be finishing your training under Hux because you’ve performed so well.”

Carice and I exchanged glances and I knew we were having the same train of thought. Yes I was smart, but I had just barely passed the physical portions of training. My assignment to finish the remainder of officer’s training on the _Finalizer_ probably was not because of how well I was doing. 

My thoughts were interrupted when Irie spoke. “Or…” she quietly said, letting the unspoken alternatives linger. 

“Or...it could be bad.” Carice finished, not elaborating. She didn’t need to. My imagination was supplying all kinds of horrible images which involved harsh training, severe punishments and reconditioning. Looking at Irie’s face, I was certain she was thinking the same. 

We sat in silence for a moment. I stared down at my lap, lost in thought, chewing the inner corner of my bottom lip. “Dinner?” Carice finally asked, clearly trying to distract us. Irie and I both nodded, and we made our way to the mess hall. 

After dinner, I left Carice and Irie outside their door and made my way back to my room. I was relieved to find it empty and decided to get ready for bed. I picked up my datapad before sliding under the covers, settling in to read through the messages. I stared at his name at the end of one of the messages and suddenly felt queasy. In an attempt to both distract myself and further my education, I accessed the HoloNet and read through some First Order military strategies until it was time for bed. 

Nefret returned at 2145 and said nothing as she got ready for bed, promptly turning the lights out at 2200. I set the alarm on my datapad and placed it on the shelf over my bed before snuggling further under the covers.

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading.  
> Updates will be posted every Friday. I already have the first ten chapters completed, but I will still just be making weekly updates. Working ahead allows me plenty of time to edit my work and make sure I am providing you with consistent and quality content. Hopefully.  
> Drop Kudos and/or a comment if you enjoyed it. Feedback is always appreciated.


	3. It's Nice to Have a Friend

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Welcome back to First Order Friday!  
> Here is the next installment. Hope you enjoy.

# It's Nice to Have a Friend

* * *

####  **32 ABY - The** **_Finalizer_ ** **\- 244Core System - The Unknown Regions**

####  **Evren, Day 2: Part 1**

I grabbed my chrono off the shelf beside my bed, yawning before checking the time: 0430. I still had thirty minutes until my alarm was set to go off. I rubbed my hands over my face before reaching up to turn the alarm off on my datapad. I could hear Nefret’s steady breathing, indicating she was still asleep. I climbed out of bed, shivering as my feet touched the cool durasteel, and made my way to the refresher. I quickly closed the door behind me, trying not to disturb my roommate. I took a quick shower, deciding not to bother with washing my hair before pulling it up into a regulation bun and applying a bit of light makeup. Today was my first day of training on the _Finalizer_ , under the strictest officer of the First Order, and I was determined to make a good impression. 

I exited the ‘fresher and almost ran into Nefret. She was leaning against the wall just outside the door to the refresher, tan arms crossed and a look of disdain on her face. “Sorry,” I muttered, stepping out of her way. She simply brushed past me and walked into the refresher, closing the door behind her promptly. I sighed and made my way to my closet, pulling out a uniform and putting it on with care. I made my bed before sitting on the edge of it to pull on my boots, glancing up when I heard Nefret exiting the refresher. The silence between us continued as she started to dress. I stood, tucking my command cap under my left arm, and exited my room to head to the mess hall. I was in desperate need of some caf. 

I was glad when I entered the mess hall to find it relatively empty. I grabbed some of the nutrient-enriched porridge, sitting my tray down at an empty table along the wall before grabbing a cup of caf. I picked at my breakfast, too nervous to really eat, but knowing that I would regret not eating if I was put to the test physically later. I nodded at Carice and Irie as they entered the mess hall before they made their way to get food, joining me a few moments later. Carice sat down beside me and Irie sat across from us.

“Good morning,” Irie greeted warmly. 

“Morning,” I said before taking another sip of caf. 

“Ready for today?” she asked before taking a bite of food. I simply hummed in reply.

“So, I was thinking…” Carice began, “that we should grab a drink after you’re done with training today.” 

“You haven’t even been here a day and you’re already wanting a drink?” Irie asked, raising her eyebrows at her new roommate. I smirked at her response. 

“Yes,” Carice said with a shrug of her shoulders. “Are you in?” 

Irie considered her a moment before responding, “Sure. Why not?”

“And what about you, Evvy?” Carice asked, turning to me. 

I shrugged my shoulders, “Depending on how today goes I may need a drink.” 

“Good. It’s settled then,” she said with a victorious smile before taking a bite of her food. 

I rolled my eyes at her before getting up to return my tray. “You better hurry up. We don’t want to be late for our first day,” I said once I returned to the table, placing my cap on my head. We left the mess hall together. Irie and I bid farewell to Carice as we made our way to the training facilities. 

We entered the designated training room and I made my way down the steps of the theatre style auditorium. There were already several people scattered throughout the room and I noticed Nefret sitting beside a girl with sandy hair on the front row. I saw Officer Bach Yen sitting by herself on the second row, so I slipped into the bench beside her, finding myself blocked in when Irie followed me. The room was a large lecture hall composed of durasteel with high back benches and small, fixed tables creating semi-private sitting areas that were mostly occupied. At the front of the room, there was a large holoprojector in the center of the floor and several chairs sat along the far left wall, appropriately spaced from one another. 

“Hello. I’m Evren, and this is Irie,” I said, offering my hand. 

“Yuna,” she replied with a warm smile, shaking my hand before leaning forward to shake Irie’s as well. I noticed the relief in her eyes upon our introductions, and I was glad that I had chosen to sit beside her. I knew what it was like to feel alone. 

“Where do you come from, Yuna?” Irie asked. 

“Ansion,” she replied shyly. I sympathised with her obvious embarrassment. 

I knew Irie was inquiring as to where Yuna had completed her initial training, after all the First Order had other places they trained their officers besides the _Supremacy_ , but I was relieved to have finally found another enlisted officer. “You’re enlisted, too?” I asked.

She nodded, her face lighting up, before she asked, “Where are you both from?”

“I’m from Vashka, but Irie was raised in the Order.” 

She nodded again and was about to say something, but was cut off by a commotion behind us. I turned my head with the others, noticing that everyone in the back of the room was standing to attention. I stood quickly, bumping my leg on the table, and raised my hand in a salute. I held my salute, eyes watering from the pain just above my knee. “ _That’s going to bruise_ ,” I thought to myself. 

I cut my eyes to the side, watching as the group of senior officers descended the steps. When I spotted the head of perfectly coiffed ginger hair at the front of the small group I felt my breathing hitch, and when he turned around I think I stopped breathing altogether. In my mind I was suddenly back in Professor Camara’s office, being interviewed for my position within the First Order. I felt just as nervous now as I was then. I remembered how I’d found the young Colonel attractive, and I found that to be even more true now. He had aged, of course, and his features were now those of a man instead of a boy. 

“At ease,” General Hux said, pausing to look around the room at us all. I felt my heart hammering in my chest as I assumed a resting pose, my hands behind my back, and I suddenly wished I could become invisible. I felt both relief and disappointment when his eyes passed over me just as quickly and impersonally as they had everyone else. I chastised myself internally, “ _Of course he doesn’t remember you. Why would he?_ ” 

“Be seated,” he commanded, pausing for a moment as we sat before he continued. “You are here because you are amongst the best of the First Order. Over the next three months you will become better. You will be put through vigorous mental and physical training exercises in addition to participating in programs to advance your personal and professional development. Failure is not an option.” I shifted uncomfortably when his eyes met mine. “Captain Loic…” he said, addressing one of the officers that accompanied him. 

I watched as the officer stepped forward, marvelling at his height. Hux was tall and he stood even taller than him. Captain Loic was a hulking man with dark skin, black hair cropped short and a well-trimmed moustache and beard that had traces of silver in it. He was insanely good-looking, and I noticed how every woman in my field of vision shifted or leaned forward slightly at the sight of him. “Today we will be testing your physical capabilities. First, we will assess your physical fitness level before having you complete an obstacle course. Then, you will participate in a situational judgement test, which will test your tactical and leadership skills, followed by a focused assessment of your aim and proficiency in close combat.” He paused for a moment, glancing down at his chrono before continuing, “Please proceed to the locker rooms and prepare for the fitness test. You have fifteen minutes. Dismissed.”

*******

The toe of my right boot drug on the durasteel and I fell, wincing as I just barely caught myself on my hands before my face collided with the floor, my ankle twisting. I looked to my left at the sound of heavy boots running by and followed their owner as she crossed the finish line. I felt my cheeks go red when I realised that I was the last person on the obstacle course. I had been somewhere in the middle of the group as we’d traversed the course, a respectable place, but I’d tripped over another obstacle and come up short on a jump, hindering my progress. I wasn’t the only one who had struggled with the course, but I was going to be the last to cross the finish line. 

I stood, my right ankle twinging a bit with my weight, but I jogged the rest of the way to the finish line anyway. I kept my head down, embarrassed, as I made my way to where Irie and Yuna stood amongst the group. They both offered me sympathetic smiles before I turned to face our superior officers, shifting to take the weight off of my sore ankle. 

“Well done, Officers.” I was relieved when everyone’s attention turned away from me and towards Captain Loic as he spoke, but I still felt someone watching me. I turned my attention away from the Captain and my eyes locked with Hux’s. I felt my face flush again as he looked me over, a sneer on his face, before I turned my attention back to Loic. I could still feel his eyes on me and I chewed my bottom lip nervously, wishing desperately that I could hide. It was my first day of training aboard the _Finalizer_ and I had already made a fool of myself in front of the First Order’s highest commanding officer. 

I only realised I hadn’t been paying attention to whatever Captain Loic was saying when everyone began making their way from the large training room. “What’re we doing now?” I asked Irie in a whisper as we began to walk, a slight limp to my gait so that she and Yuna had to slow down to keep pace with me and we were at the back of the group. 

“Ensign,” a cold, clipped voice said from behind us. The three of us turned, standing to attention and saluting as we faced General Hux and a tall, pretty blonde in a teal Major’s uniform who stood a step behind him and to his right. I marvelled at how regal she looked wearing a uniform skirt and heels, her hair in an intricate take on the regulation style. The remaining superior officers stood together further behind them, conversing amongst themselves with datapads in hand. “Report to the medical bay and have your ankle looked at,” he said, sneer still in place. 

“Yes, sir,” I replied, still holding my salute. 

“Dismissed,” he said before he turned back to the other officers, the Major on his heels.

“I guess you’re going to the med bay,” Irie said in answer to my earlier question as we made our way towards the door. “We’re on lunch, though. Go on,” she said, nodding in the direction of the med bay before she continued, “and I’ll bring you a shake, yeah?” She looked at Yuna who nodded in agreement. 

“Thank you,” I told them both before turning away from them to head to the med bay. I knew my ankle wasn’t broken, but I hoped I hadn’t torn a ligament or tendon. I shrugged to myself. It didn’t matter. I just needed to get a brace on it to help prevent further injury. After all, I still had the rest of the day to get through.

#    
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks so much for reading. Feedback is always appreciated.


	4. Cheap Shot

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's First Order Friday! Yay!  
> If your week has been anything like mine, I would be v. excited for a new chapter from a story I'm following.  
> Anyways, hope you enjoy...

# Cheap Shot

* * *

#### 32 ABY - The Finalizer - 244Core System - The Unknown Regions

#### Evren, Day 2: Part 2

I sat on one of the beds in the med bay, leaning back on my hands and swinging my left leg over the edge of the bed while my right leg rested atop the bed, elevating my injured ankle. I studied the room I was in, which was clearly used primarily for triage and minor injuries or ailments. It was a small room with more grey durasteel, but the lighting was better, brighter, harsher than what was used on the rest of the Star Destroyer, which was essential for the work done here. I sat on a small, sterile bed, which was covered in crisp, grey syncloth linens and surrounded on three sides by walls with a grey curtain pulled close to comprise the fourth wall and provide privacy. The wall to my right was practically covered in metal cabinets which I assumed held an assortment of medical supplies. 

I glanced at my chrono, frustrated that I’d been sitting here for fifteen minutes for an ankle brace. Upon learning my name, the medical droid had insisted on getting the doctor so we could meet and rushed off, leaving me in the small room. I had removed my boots and sat them neatly beside the bed. 

I laid back, my left leg still dangling over the edge, and sighed. I stared up at the ceiling and recalled a song, singing along with the melody in my head. I sat up quickly a few moments later when I heard the curtain pull back and went to stand to salute the teal-clad officer who had just entered the room, but she stopped me with a motion of her hand. 

“At ease, Officer Saeran,” she said warmly. “I must admit I hadn’t planned on meeting you this early, but I see you just couldn’t wait.” She nodded toward my ankle, amusement clear in her voice, before stepping closer. “I’m Major Marfa,” she said, extending her hand to me before she continued. “I look forward to working with you when you’ve finished with officer’s training. Now, shall we take a look at that ankle?” She moved closer to where my ankle rested on the bed and began examining it gingerly. I studied her as she worked. She was an older lady with a kind smile and bright blue eyes. Her curly grey hair was pulled up in a loose bun at the nape of her neck. It was wild, messy and not at all up to regulation. 

“It’s not broken, but I’m hoping I haven’t torn anything. I have to get back, so I really just need a brace. Please.” I added the “please” almost as an afterthought. I winced, hissing through my teeth when she moved my ankle in a particularly painful way.

She looked up at my response. “Hmmm,” she said before continuing, “you’re right. It’s definitely not broken, but it’s difficult to tell if there is a tear without imaging.” I watched as she made her way to one of the cabinets, opened it and pulled out a brace. “I’ll brace it,” she said as she moved to put the brace on. “I’d really like to do some imaging of it, though, but I’m guessing you don’t have much time.” I shook my head in response. “Try not to injure it further, and I want you to ice it nightly,” she finished. 

“I will. Thank you,” I said as I moved to put my boots on. I stood and slowly put my weight on my ankle, testing it. It was still sore, but it felt more stable. I followed Major Marfa out of the room and to the entrance of the med bay, noticing the med droid had returned to the reception desk and was hovering expectantly. I was surprised to see Carice sitting with Irie and Yuna in the waiting area, all of them sipping at nutritive shakes. Carice jumped up, smiling when she saw me. Irie and Yuna followed her, the latter grabbing an extra shake from the table in front of her. 

“You going to live?” Carice asked.

“Oh yes, she’ll be just fine,” Marfa answered for me. “Be sure to ice it. And please be careful,” she said, giving my arm a quick, encouraging squeeze. 

“I will be. Thank you, Major.” I took the shake Yuna offered me and followed them out the doors of the med bay and towards the training facilities, sipping on my shake along the way. 

*******

The situational judgement test went relatively well. We were divided into groups of five and placed with a superior officer who called out battle scenarios that we then had to respond to with a tactical plan. It was important to think quickly and accurately and work together because the tactical plan chosen would affect the outcome and determine the progression of the scenario, thus determining if we won or lost our imagined battle. The small size of the test team made it easier for our superior officer to determine the clear leader of the group. 

My group consisted of me, Yuna, Nefret and two male officers, Jaxith Cosmin and Nico Varro. Jaxith was large in stature, fit and rather plain, while Nico was tall and striking with dark features. I found myself imagining Carice’s reaction to the site of Nico, and I smiled amusedly to myself. I noted that Nefret was just as cold with the other officers as she was with me. 

I was relieved when the same Lieutenant who had greeted us upon our arrival to the _Finalizer_ joined us to conduct our test. He introduced himself as Lieutenant Mitaka and I was instantly at ease thanks to his pleasant demeanour. He asked us our names in turn and ensured we understood the objective of the test. I decided I rather liked him. My relief was short-lived, however, when I realised that rather than taking charge of his own group, General Hux was patrolling the room. He observed the testing, stopping to offer instruction, criticism, praise or ask a question of his own with each group. 

We reached a particularly tricky part of the scenario. Nefret offered a solution confidently, but I didn’t agree with her decision. I looked at the others, hoping someone would offer something else and I wouldn’t have to be the one to speak up against my roommate, who already seemed to hate me. Mitaka stared at us expectantly. I finally spoke, offering a different strategy, one that I felt was better suited for the situation. Nefret’s face was furious as the others considered the two options, and she began to argue her point. I tried to defend my point of view, but my voice lacked the confidence and ferocity with which Nefret spoke. I was a doctor after all, and therefore not as well versed a tactician as most of my fellow officers, so of course there was some doubt there. In the end, her strategy was chosen and our imaginary team was killed in action. 

“Perhaps if you all had listened to Officer Saeran your team would still be alive right now,” I heard from behind me. Everyone turned to face General Hux, standing to attention as he continued, “Her plan was the correct one after all. However, it is difficult to be confident in a leader’s decisions when that leader does not seem confident in themselves. Lack of confidence, whether it’s in yourself or in your strategy, will get you killed in battle.” I chewed the inside of my cheek nervously and kept my eyes fixed on his shoulder as he scolded me, avoiding the disapproving sneer on his face. “At ease,” he said after a moment, before moving on to the next group. 

I was pleasantly surprised with my performance at the shooting range, but now we had moved onto the close combat portion of the day. This was the test I’d been dreading the most. I was petite, and I’d noticed quickly that there was only one other officer who looked to be about the same size as me. I doubted we’d be lucky enough to be paired with each other. I also wasn’t particularly strong, but I was agile. However, with my ankle being injured I doubted I would do very well. 

We stood in a large training room, wearing matching athletic wear in the First Order colours of black, grey and red, our ranks still signified on our left shirtsleeves. There were mirrors covering one of the walls and rows of stun batons, plasma blades and other combative weapons along another wall. In the center of the room was a large mat and we stood around it on three sides with the senior officers on the remaining side. There were fewer of them following the situational judgement test, and I noted Lieutenant Mitaka was gone. 

“We will now be assessing your aptitude at hand-to-hand combat,” Hux said, taking a datapad from the pretty Major’s hand (whom I’d learned was called Major Karan). “We will call you up two at a time to face off. Remember your forms,” he said, glancing down at the datapad in his hands. 

Captain Loic spoke next, calling out the first two names and I watched as the two officers began their fight. I realised that they were pairing us up in alphabetical order by surname, and I hoped that it would work out to where I did not have to fight Nefret. Captain Loic and General Hux watched the matches closely, making notes on their datapads here and there, but Major Karan watched with a bored expression on her face and tapped at her datapad furiously. Yuna’s name was called and I felt bad for her when I realised she was paired with Jaxith. Although Yuna was taller than me, she was still tiny compared to Jaxith. I was both surprised and impressed when she defeated him quickly, sweeping his legs from under him and landing a hit to his chest where she would have finished him with a knife. Irie went next and was paired with a Ragni Fruma, who I noted to be Nefret’s friend...? Companion? It was hard to imagine someone so stern having friends. Irie had more trouble with her fight with Ragni than Yuna had, but she still managed to win after some time. 

Finally it was my turn and I groaned internally when Loic called Nefret’s name and mine together. I stepped forward, making sure to walk normally, my ankle smarting with the steps, but wanting to show no weakness. Nefret and I faced off. She immediately went on the offense, forcing me to parry attack after attack. I blocked a punch with my left arm and drew back my right hand, landing a hit to her gut. She stumbled back a few steps and then attacked again. Our arms tangled to block each other’s attacks and she took the opportunity to land a ferocious kick to my already injured ankle. I collapsed to the ground and landed on the offending joint awkwardly, crying out as I did. I felt the hit on my back where she would have inserted her knife and I knew it was over. I looked up at her, noting the smug smirk on her face, and gave her a murderous glare, fighting back the tears that welled in my eyes from the pain. 

“Well done, Officer Sabbia.” I looked over to where Hux was standing and felt my face fall at the disapproving glare he gave me. It was the harshest look I’d seen from him so far. “You are dismissed to seek medical attention, Ensign,” he addressed me coldly. I noted the use of my rank. I was one of three of the lowest ranking officers amongst the group, and he seemed to derive some form of pleasure in reminding me of that. 

Irie and Yuna were at my side immediately to help me up and to the med bay and I heard Irie mumble something about a “cheap shot” as we passed Nefret, who was still smiling smugly. I heard the start of another match as we left the training room, and I was glad to have not been made to wait until the end of the remaining fights to seek care. 

I was relieved when we reached the med bay to see Major Marfa sitting behind the reception desk along with the medical droid. “What happened?” she asked, jumping up to meet us with the droid following behind her. 

“Close combat test,” I huffed out in explanation. 

“She was kicked. In her injured ankle.” 

“And then she sorta just collapsed on it,” Yuna and Irie offered for me, respectively, still helping me maintain my balance as I hobbled along trying to keep pressure off of my injured ankle. 

“Follow me,” Marfa said, leading us farther into the med bay to a private room. It was slightly larger than the one I’d been in earlier with more equipment and a door instead of a curtain. I sat on the edge of the bed and lifted my right leg slowly as I laid down. Irie and Yuna moved to stand by my side. “I’m going to remove your boot and the brace. It’s probably going to hurt,” Marfa told me with an apologetic smile. 

“I know,” I said, biting down hard on my bottom lip in anticipation. I could tell she was trying her best to be gentle, but every little movement caused the constant pain to become sharper. I held the edges of the bed in a vice-like grip. My back arching off the bed slightly from the pain when she jerked the boot off quickly. 

“CeeCee said our newest doctor was here,” I heard a man say from the door. I turned my head slightly to look at him. He was average in height, for a man, with golden skin and dark hair, and his eyes had a shy kindness about them even though the rest of his face remained impassive. “What do you need?” he asked upon seeing me lying there. 

Marfa continued her work, removing the brace from my ankle as she spoke. “Ahh, Major Jían. This is Officer Saeran,” she gestured to me with her head before continuing, “and she has a rather nasty ankle injury. I need CeeCee in here to take x-rays so we can see what we’re dealing with.” 

As if on cue, the med droid, CeeCee, entered the room. I pushed myself up on my elbows to look at my ankle. It was swollen and was already turning a deep shade of purple. I laid back down, biting my lip hard again as CeeCee positioned my ankle to take the x-rays. They were immediately uploaded, and Marfa and Jián looked at them on a datapad. 

“Well, it looks like you’ve just chipped a piece of bone off the ankle,” Jián said.

“The good news is we’ll be able to just put you in a boot for a few weeks. And we’ll give you something for pain,” Marfa finished for him. 

I sighed in relief that there would be no need for surgery or casting, and I knew from experience that a break like this would take about six to eight weeks to heal so I wouldn’t be hindered or a hindrance for too terribly long. Jián left the room to retrieve a CAM boot while Marfa administered a bacta injection at the site to help with any muscular or internal tissue damage. Jián returned, handed the boot to Marfa and promptly exited the room again. I was sitting up now and I watched as she wrapped the soft pad around my calf and foot, securing it snugly before putting the boot on. Jián returned again as she finished with the boot, a cup of water and a bottle of pain medicine in his hands. I took the cup from him and watched as he popped open the medication bottle, waiting expectantly for me to open my hand. 

I held out my hand for the pill and swallowed it down, self conscious of everyone watching me as I took the medicine. “Thank you,” I said. I felt my face flush from embarrassment as I suddenly realised that I’d met the officers that would likely be responsible for completing my medical training by being injured on my first day of officer’s training aboard the _Finalizer_. 

“You know how to take these,” Major Jían said as an explanation as he offered me the bottle of painkillers. I nodded and thanked them again before slowly standing, testing my ankle. The pain was significantly less thanks to the boot, but my gait was still awkward because of the height difference in the regulation and CAM boots. Yuna grabbed my other boot from the floor before she and Irie escorted me back to my room. I was relieved to find my room empty and opted to skip dinner, not having much of an appetite. Feeling the sedative effects of the pain pill, I took a quick shower and went straight to bed. 

  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading.  
> If you're enjoying this story, let me know. Kudos and comments are greatly appreciated.


	5. Distracted

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy First Order Friday and Halloween Eve!  
> Also, the first episode of season 2 of The Mandalorian is out today.  
> Today is a great day! Enjoy, lovelies.

# Distracted

* * *

#### 32 ABY - The Finalizer - 244Core System - The Unknown Regions

#### Evren, Day 3: Part 1

_I felt warm and safe. A strong arm was around my waist pulling me close, and another was holding my hand. I rested my head on a broad shoulder, my eyes closed, and felt our bodies swaying. Dancing. I was dancing. I didn’t know who I was dancing with, nor did I care. I just knew they were tall, much taller than me. After a little while, I realised I couldn’t hear anything. There was no music or animals or water or anything, not even the heartbeat I should be able to hear at such close proximity. The ground felt unsolid, shifting beneath my feet and I opened my eyes, realising I was on the beach on Vashka, before closing them again. The hand on my back was moved to be replaced at the nape of my neck, the other hand still holding my own. At the slight tug of my hair, I pulled my head away from where it rested and began tilting my head back to look at my companion._

_*******_

I woke with a start, sitting up in bed. I heard the door buzz three times in succession and realised that must have been what woke me. I ran my fingers through my hair and groaned in frustration at the interruption. I’d been having such a nice dream. I swung my legs over the bed and put my boot on before standing, my ankle twinging a bit with the pressure. I glanced over my shoulder and noted that Nefret’s bed was neatly made before noticing the refresher door was closed. I made my way to the door and, upon opening it, was greeted by Carice and Irie.

“We came to make sure you were up and to see if you needed any help,” Carice said as she strolled into my room, Irie following behind her. While I was surprised to see them at my door, I wasn’t surprised that Carice obviously knew about my injury. I’d expected Irie to tell her, after all. 

“I’m not an invalid,” I said, closing the door just as an irritated looking Nefret exited the refresher fully dressed. She said nothing as she walked to her closet, grabbed her command cap and exited the room. I didn’t miss the death glares both Irie and Carice gave her. 

“Has she said anything?” Irie asked, plopping down onto my bed beside Carice.

“Nope.” 

“You mean she hasn’t apologised?” Carice demanded, appalled. 

“She has not,” I said, pulling a fresh uniform from my closet and using the desk and chair to change.

“Kriffing bitch,” Carice said. I smiled at her, amused. She shifted her weight, leaning back on her hands and crossing her legs, a conspiratorial smirk on her face. “I heard Hux gave her a dressing down for it.” 

I scoffed as Irie turned to look at her, skepticism clear on her face. “I highly doubt that. He was a jerk to me all day.” 

“No, it’s true,” Carice insisted. “Apparently when they finished yesterday he made a speech about how it was effective to use an enemy’s weakness against them, but for training purposes we shouldn’t seek to hurt each other intentionally. Something about being on the same side.”

Irie and I exchanged curious glances. “And where exactly did you hear this?” Irie asked. 

“From Nico,” Carice said with a shrug. 

“Oh...so, I take it you met Officer Varro, then?” I asked smugly. 

“He was in the lounge last night,” she replied with a casual shrug of her shoulders. I glanced at Irie with a quirk of my eyebrows. “Hurry up and finish getting dressed. I’m hungry,” Carice whined, changing the subject. 

I entered the refresher, closing the door behind me for privacy, and finished getting ready. When I exited I noticed they’d made my bed for me. I thanked them as I grabbed my tunic and put it on, doing it up.

“Let’s go,” Carice said, pushing my cap into my hands and walking to the door. I grabbed the bottle of pain medicine from the shelf by my bed and followed them out the door. 

“So… Nico?” I questioned as we made our way to the mess hall. Between my injury and the boot I was slower, but Carice and Irie stayed at my side.

“Well,” Carice began, “Irie and I went for a drink last night. Nico and his friend sat down beside us. They introduced themselves, saying they recognised Irie from training. We all got talking. Irie left. I stayed and kept talking to Nico.”

“Just talked?” I asked her skeptically. 

I could tell I’d annoyed her when she replied, “Yes, Evren,” emphatically. She never used my actual name, preferring the nickname she’d given me not long after we met. 

“Okay,” I replied simply, pausing before I continued, “I was just asking because you remember Nico’s name but not his friend’s…” Irie and I smiled at each other over Carice’s shoulder.

Carice shrugged her shoulders. “Well, Nico is cute. His friend...not so much,” she said, scrunching her nose in disgust. Irie and I both laughed and shook our heads at her. 

I was glad to finally sit down once we’d made our way to the mess hall and through the line for food. I smiled at Yuna as we joined her before pulling the bottle of pain medicine from my pocket. I popped it open and stared inside the bottle for a moment, nibbling at my lip as I thought. I was hurting, but I did not want to be drowsy. I finally poured a pill into my hand and broke it in half along the scoring. I dropped half of the pill back into the bottle and put the other half in my mouth before opening my water bottle to swallow it. 

“Hurting?” Yuna asked me from across the table. 

“A bit,” I replied before taking a sip of my nutritive shake. 

“I wonder what you’ll do for the physical portion of training now that you have a broken ankle?” she wondered aloud.

I shrugged my shoulders in response. “Not a lot,” Carice said sarcastically, to which we all laughed. “Leave it to you to get injured in training.” 

We parted ways with Carice just outside the mess hall and made our way to the auditorium, taking the same seats as yesterday. It wasn’t long after we sat down that Nico and Jaxith slid into the row in front of us. We all greeted each other with politely subdued “good morning’s” as they took their seats. 

“How’s your leg, Officer Saeran?” Jaxith said, turning in his seat to address me.

“My ankle is broken, but I’ll be fine,” I said. “Thank you for asking,” I added as an afterthought. 

“Of course. Wasn’t that your roommate?” he asked. 

“Yeah,” I replied with a laugh.

“That’s savage,” he said.

At the same time, Nico asked, “What did you do to her?”

We all smiled at his jest. “Nothing. Honestly,” I said, dragging out the words with false exasperation. 

Jaxith went to speak again, but was cut off by Nico. “Here we go,” he said, nodding his head toward the back of the room.

Irie, Yuna and I all turned our heads to look over our shoulders. Everyone was standing to attention and we quickly followed. I took care this time to make sure that my leg didn’t bump the table. I watched from the corner of my eye as General Hux, Major Karan and Captain Loic descended the steps to the front of the room. Hux turned and did a sweep of us all with his eyes. I bit down on my bottom lip trying, and failing, to hide my blush when his eyes lingered on me a moment before moving on to take in the remainder of the room. I noticed the side-eye Irie gave me, and I was grateful when her attention was pulled away when Captain Loic spoke. 

“You may be seated,” he said. He looked at something on his datapad as we took our seats and waited for him to continue. Hux and Karan stood behind Loic and to his left. Hux addressed the Major quietly while she typed away on her datapad. I exchanged awkward glances with Irie and Yuna as we waited. 

After several moments of silence, Loic addressed us, “Over the next several weeks we will be assessing and improving your data retention, tactical and leadership skills as well as conducting a rigorous physical training program. You will spend your mornings in the didactic portion of your training, and the afternoons will be reserved for the physical portion.” He paused and tapped something on his datapad. At the same time, the lights went dim and the holoprojector clicked on, illuminating the room in blue light. “Over the next week we will be discussing the Empire’s military strategy. Now, I know you all learned this earlier on in your training, but we want to ensure you have a thorough grasp of every military strategy available to you. It is also important to study these strategies so that we may learn from past mistakes.”

I sighed internally. We’d spent three months learning about the Empire’s military strategy, and I had studied battles between the Empire and the Rebel Alliance on my own prior to beginning training. I was loath to spend any more time on it unless it was to study the strategies employed by the rebels, which the First Order chose to overlook. I felt this was a mistake, especially since the majority of the Rebel Alliance had formed into the New Republic. If the First Order really meant to take them on and overthrow them, then I was of the opinion that it would prove more prudent to study the enemy’s tactics. 

I zoned out as Loic began talking about the Battle of Yavin. The lectures were always the same, and I found it difficult to focus thanks to the pain medication I’d taken that morning. I tried to at least pretend to be focused and entertained myself by trying to recall the names of the planets displayed on the holoprojector, but soon I lost interest in even that. I wasn’t sure how long I’d been staring off at nothing, but my daze was broken upon hearing my name.

“Ensign Saeran.” I could hear the aggravation in the general’s voice, and I stood quickly, bumping my knee on the metal table again. I bit my lip and willed the tears that filled my eyes from the pain to go away as I stood at attention. I held my salute and waited for him to address me again, avoiding looking at him. “I asked you a question, Ensign,” he said.

I continued to worry my lip as I wracked my brain for any clue as to what he had asked me, and I could feel the colour rising on my face when I realised I didn’t know. I had been paying absolutely no attention to the lecture and General Hux had found me out. 

“Could you repeat the question, sir?” I finally asked, hoping to sound like I just needed clarification. I chanced a glance at him and felt myself go cold. The look on his face was one of pure hatred. I kept my eyes forward and resisted the urge to shift uncomfortably as I waited for him to speak. 

“Why don’t you come stand in the front of the room, Ensign,” he commanded. “Perhaps you’ll be less inclined to become distracted there,” he said, indicating the far left corner of the room, in front of where Nefret sat. 

Irie moved to let me out and I did not miss the look of pity she gave me as I passed her. I made my way down the few steps to the front awkwardly, my gait uneven from the CAM boot, and kept my head tilted down ever so slightly, both to hide the red of my face and avoid meeting General Hux’s gaze. I moved to the spot he’d indicated and turned my back on my peers, lifting my head high and focusing on the Holoprojector. 

I could still feel the flush on my face as I felt every eye in the room on me, but I knew the most severe stare came from slightly in front of me and to my right. I did not think it was possible to tangibly feel someone’s acrimony, but I could certainly feel Hux’s. I was relieved when Loic began speaking again and everyone’s attention was pulled back to the lecture and away from me. 

I stood in the corner in front of the first row of seats for what felt like hours, resisting the urge to shift my weight and possibly calling any more attention to myself. I made sure to remain focused on the lecture, even as my ankle began to throb. I continued to avoid looking in Hux’s direction, even when he spoke, afraid to meet his gaze. I tensed when he made his way over to the side of the room I was standing on, and was relieved when he went to speak with Major Karan instead of coming to me. When Captain Loic dismissed us for lunch, I moved as quickly as I could into the crowd ascending the steps, hoping to avoid any more run-ins with my commanding officers.

  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hux is a dick...but we love him. 
> 
> Thanks for reading. Feedback is greatly appreciated.


	6. Luck

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy First Order Friday!

# Luck

* * *

#### 32 ABY - The Finalizer - 244Core System - The Unknown Regions

#### Evren, Day 3: Part 2

We entered the same training room we had been in the day before and I noticed immediately that the single, large mat that had been in the center of the room was no longer there. Instead there were ten smaller mats strategically placed around the edge of the room. We made our way to the center of the room where the other officers were standing, some already lining up while others still conversed in small groups close to formation. I deliberately made my way to what would be the third row and, having no desire to be in a position where Hux could single me out, stood behind a rather large male officer. I was relieved when Jaxith took his place behind me, thereby hiding me relatively well. 

Everyone fell into line moments before General Hux and Captain Loic entered the room, accompanied by Major Karan and several other officers. We saluted as they entered the room, only dropping our hands when Hux gave the command to be at ease. 

Captain Loic stepped forward, hands behind his back, and addressed us. “This afternoon we will be expanding upon your close combat skills. Pair off into groups of four and find a mat.” 

I turned and made my way to the far left corner of the room, where my companions were heading. “Officer Saeran,” a cold, clipped voice said from behind me. I could not help the way my body flinched upon hearing General Hux calling my name. I noticed the nervous glances my new friends gave me before I turned around and saluted the general. 

“You may observe,” he said with a nod in the direction of my boot, sneer on his face. 

“Yes, sir. Thank you, sir,” I said, staring at his shoulder in order to avoid making eye contact. 

“Dismissed,” he said before turning away. 

I quickly made my way over to my friends. I noticed that Irie, Yuna and Nico were in a group with another female officer I didn’t know, while Jaxith stood with Ragni Fruma and another male officer. I gave him a slight smile as I walked by to stand off to the side, in front of the mirror, realising that he’d probably chosen not to join Nico’s group so that I wouldn’t be alone. My mood only improved more when our groups were joined by Lieutenant Mitaka. 

“Hello,” he greeted us all with a small smile. “I am Lieutenant Mitaka. Since this isn’t a real assessment of your skills in hand-to-hand combat, but more of a training exercise to improve those skills, I will be working with both groups. You’ll pair off two at a time, much as you did yesterday, and fight until one of you wins. I will be providing feedback on your forms and methods. We’ll alternate the fights. Some of you may get the opportunity to fight more, since Officer Saeran is injured.” He nodded in my direction as he said this and offered me another smile, but I couldn’t help the rush of colour to my face from the embarrassment of being an obvious inconvenience. “You may begin,” he said, moving to stand along the wall in between the mats. I watched as Jaxith and the other male officer squared off, and realised that I was in for a very long and dull afternoon. I realised that General Hux, Captain Loic and Major Karan were all making rounds with datapads in hand. I would have to do my best to stay focused on the skirmishes happening in front of me, no matter how repetitive they may be. 

After a while, Majar Karan made her way over to our group. She watched as Jaxith finished Ragni, and I winced on her behalf as he threw her flat on her back onto the ground. “Well done, Officer Cosmin. Although, I must admit, you do have an unfair advantage,” she said almost teasingly. The other officer stepped up as Ragni moved off to the side to recuperate. I realised that Karan was now making her way to where I stood and I felt myself tense. Before I could salute, she gave me a small smile and commanded me to be at ease. I wrapped my arms back around myself, it was cold in the training room with the standard issue short sleeve activewear we were provided, and glanced at her wearily from the corner of my eye. 

“You seem to be having a difficult start, Officer,” she said, leaning back against the mirror casually. “Some people have all the luck.” I turned to look at her quizzically and noticed the sincere smile she gave me before she glanced at the datapad in her hand. “I imagine all this must be difficult for you, having not been brought up in the Order and coming from a medical background.” She paused and I leaned back against the mirror beside her, unable to contain my curiosity as I chanced a peek at her datapad only to discover that she had my file pulled up. “But you’re smart,” she continued. “You did well enough on the  _ Supremacy _ , and you’ll do well here. Although, and I don’t mean this cruelly, I’m not really sure why you’re here. There were others with higher scores than you; however, the General was insistent...” My brow furrowed as I stared at her in confusion. I didn’t know whether to be insulted or thankful for what she just told me, but the news that General Hux had chosen me for this program above others who were more qualified was puzzling. 

I stared blankly at a random spot on the floor, brow furrowed, as I thought over what the Major had said. Why would General Hux select me for specialised training if I didn’t quite measure up to standards? I wouldn’t think that being a doctor would require more intense military training. It’s not likely I would ever be in a position to command troops. Was it because I was an outsider? That had to be it, but the realisation that he might question my loyalty to the First Order and, therefore, saw fit to keep a closer eye on me caused a flicker of fear to rise within me. It did explain why he seemed to be so severe on me, though. 

I was so lost in thought that I did not notice the figure approaching until I heard Karan speak from my right. 

“General,” she said, standing up straight, as she addressed him. 

I didn’t really register what she said, having been so caught up in my thoughts. It wasn’t until I saw her rigid posture and turned my eyes to where Hux stood in front of us that I realised what was going on. I noticed the slight sneer on his face and stood to attention later than was appropriate. I bit my bottom lip and shifted my gaze away from his face; however, I did not miss the nod he gave to Major Karan or the knowing smile on her face as she stepped away from us. Her expression only served to further confuse me. Hux moved to stand beside me, taking the Major’s place and turning to face the training room. 

“At ease, Ensign,” he said softly, almost kindly. I relaxed my shoulders slightly and, when he said nothing else, I returned to leaning against the mirror, glad to shift my weight off of my injured ankle. After what happened this morning, I hadn’t wanted to take another pain pill and I was hurting. 

“How is your ankle?” he asked after a few moments. 

I turned to look at him, unable to hide the incredulity from my face. I was confused by not only his question, but also his tone. He sounded concerned, almost like he actually cared. It was so different from the commanding tone he used to address the officers or the severity with which he had addressed me on several occasions. I only realised that I’d taken too long to respond when he turned his head to look at me, eyebrow quirked. 

“It...my ankle is broken. But I’ll be fine. It’ll...it’ll be fine...sir. Thank you, sir,” I managed to stammer out. He continued to look at me and I felt the heat rising to my face as he scrutinised me. Biting my lip, I held his gaze and felt myself flush further when his eyes travelled down to my lips. I released the breath I hadn’t realised I was holding when he turned his attention back to the training room and the skirmishes happening within it. 

After several moments of silence, Hux addressed me again, “Refrain from your lip biting, Ensign. It is an unbecoming trait for an officer of the First Order.” With that he walked away, resuming his circling of the room. I returned my attention to my friends and did not miss the inquisitive looks Irie and Yuna threw my way. I shrugged my shoulders at them before turning my attention to the fighters on the mat. 

*******

“What was that about?” Yuna asked me as we sat down at a table in the mess hall for dinner. 

“What was what about?” Carice asked from where she sat across from me. 

“He just asked about my ankle,” I replied with a shrug, taking a sip of water in an attempt to avoid the three sets of eyes fixed on me. 

“Who did?” Carice asked again, confusion apparent on her face. 

“General Hux…” Irie explained from Carice’s right. 

I watched as Carice’s expression changed from confused to intrigued. “Why would he care...” she said thoughtfully. They all looked at me expectantly. 

I sighed before replying, “I don’t think he does. He probably just wants to know how long they’ll have to make special accommodations for me.”

“So, he asked you how long you’ll be out of commission for?” Carice asked. 

“Well...no,” I said after a moment, brow furrowing upon realising that he hadn’t asked what was probably the most important question pertaining to my injury and training. 

“He seemed like he was being nice…? Well...for Hux, or what I’ve heard of him,” Irie said. 

“I mean...I guess. Mostly,” I said, shrugging again. 

“Mostly?” Carice asked with a quirk of her eyebrows.

I was becoming increasingly uncomfortable with the inquisition from my friends, but their rapt attention prompted me to answer Carice’s question. 

“He reprimanded me for biting my lip, but that was it.”

I didn’t miss the smug expression on Carice’s face. “I bet he did,” she replied. 

I glanced down at the food on my tray and, anxious to change the subject, asked, “How was your day, Carice?”

I was glad when she launched into an animated story about how one of the officers on the bridge had kriffed up by, well, exclaiming “kriff” out loud after having difficulty processing a particularly tricky report. We were all unable to keep ourselves from laughing out loud at her reenactment of the dressing down Captain Peavey had given him for it, which earned us looks from those around us. 

Once we’d regained our composure, Carice turned suddenly grave, “Apparently Commander Ren has been on a mission and is expected back at any time.”

We all exchanged concerned looks. We’d heard stories of the Force user, Snoke’s apprentice who was known to have an uncontrollable temper and often left death and/or devastation in his wake. He’d visited the  _ Supremacy _ only once during my time on it, but he’d managed to destroy two consoles and send an officer to the med bay during his stay. Of course the rumors surrounding him were many, and each one was as dark and disturbing as the next. 

“Surely we won’t see him,” Yuna said. “At least not for a while, with us being in training and all…”

“I’m on the bridge,” Carice said. I’d never seen her look anything other than cool, calm, confident and collected, and the worried expression on her face concerned me. 

“We survived on the  _ Supremacy _ . The Supreme Leader was there the entire time and we were perfectly fine. Nothing happened,” I said, trying to reassure her. 

“You’ve heard the rumours just like I have. If anyone so much as looks at him wrong…” 

“Well, then don’t look at him,” I said with a smirk, not bothering to let Carice finish. 

She rolled her eyes at me, but was unable to hide her smile at my cheeky comment. She glanced down at her chrono and almost bolted up from her seat. “Mmmm. I’ve got to go. I promised to meet Nico for a drink,” she said, picking up her tray to return it. 

As if on cue, Irie, Yuna and I looked at Carice knowingly. “Nico, huh?” Irie asked. 

“Yes,” Carice said, sounding exasperated. “Jaxith will be there, too. Hey!” she exclaimed, her face lighting up as an idea stuck her. “Why don’t you guys come, too?”

Yuna and Irie agreed almost instantly, and then they all turned to look at me. 

“No, thanks. I really just want to take some more medicine and go to bed. I’ve had enough of this day.”

They all nodded at me in understanding, sympathetic looks on their faces. I found myself suddenly curious by Carice’s reaction. Had she heard about what happened in lecture with Hux? Or maybe she just thought my ankle was hurting, which was true. I didn’t give it much thought as I stood and returned my tray. We went our separate ways once we exited the mess hall, them heading to the officer’s lounge and me heading back to my room. 

####    
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading.  
> As always, feedback is greatly appreciated.


	7. Darkness Visible

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Welcome back to another First Order Friday.  
> Things start to heat up in this chapter.  
> Full disclosure: it's my favourite chapter so far.

# Darkness Visible

* * *

#### 32 ABY - The Finalizer - 244Core System - The Unknown Regions

#### Evren, Day 14

Things had settled into something of a pattern over the last few weeks. We had lectures in the auditorium in the mornings three days a week and were in the mock data pits the other two days. Then, in the afternoons, we alternated between two days each of endurance and close combat training, and one afternoon was spent at the firing range every week. I still had to observe only on the hand-to-hand combat days, but, after the first week following my injury, I was able to at least walk around the track while the others participated in the physical endurance portion of training without my ankle hurting too badly. I’d been more than happy to volunteer to walk around the track above the training room where obstacles were set up for the other officers to complete. It passed the time, made me feel less useless and got me away from my superiors. 

General Hux had continued to deride and ridicule me at every opportunity he got. If I missed something in the datapit he would call me out and use my mistake as an educational opportunity for my fellow officers. He would make an example of me during lectures if I stumbled over my answers or seemed unsure, even though my answers were always correct. If my shots were off or inconsistent he would criticise my focus or my form, taking it upon himself to offer corrections. Walking around the track kept me away from Hux and his derision, and I was grateful for that. Unfortunately, today was not an endurance training day, and I could already feel my dread growing as I entered the firing range. Irie and Yuna talked animatedly beside me, but I was too wrapped up in my own thoughts to pay them any attention. 

A sudden hush fell over the group and we moved into formation as General Hux and Captain Loic entered the room followed by Major Karan, whose nose was buried in her datapad, a grim expression on her face. I did not think it possible, but Hux seemed more irritable than usual. Even Captain Loic, who usually had a calm and somewhat pleasant demeanor, seemed agitated and I felt the sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach grow. 

“Well, what’re you all standing around for? You know what to do,” Loic barked. 

I let my shoulders sag slightly. This was going to be a rough afternoon. I silently wondered what could have put them all in such a foul mood, straightening my posture as Hux walked past me to observe the shooters. I tried to stay off his radar most days, but today I was going to be extra careful to avoid his ire. I watched with rapt attention as Jaxith worked his way down the line of blasters laid out for him. He was a rather good shot and, being directly in front of me, I observed his stance, hoping to learn something to help me perform better when it was my turn. I heard the sound of an incoming message issue from both Hux’s and Karan’s datapads, and I watched from the corner of my eyes as Hux looked at the message. His jaw became more rigid, his shoulders more tense as he read, and I knew whatever was in that message had only served to further sour his mood. I felt my dread quickly turn to panic when I realised that it was my turn. Jaxith gave me a reassuring nod as we passed one another. 

I stepped up and, with shaking hands, picked up the first blaster. I closed my eyes for a moment and took a deep breath, trying to calm myself, before lifting the blaster to take aim. My first shot barely grazed the arm of the target, the second landed in the empty space above its shoulder, and the third shot hit just below the left hand. 

“You would think after months of training you would know how to wield a blaster,” the cold, clipped voice of General Hux said from behind me. “Are you that inept, Ensign?” He’d spoken loudly enough that I was certain others had heard. I felt the flush of embarrassment creeping up my neck and into my face. Of course we’d had weapons training on board the  _ Supremacy _ , but, as most of my fellow officers in training were brought up within the Order, there was less of a focus on it because they were already relatively experienced. “Your stance is all wrong,” he continued. “How many times must you be told? Here.” 

Hux, Loic and even Major Karan had all given me critiques on my stance and aim. Captain Loic had even gone so far as to usher me to the side and demonstrate the proper technique to me, but they’d always just given verbal commands. I was shocked to feel Hux’s hands on my shoulders and I tensed at the contact. “Relax,” he almost whispered in my ear. I drew in a shuddering breath and willed my body to do as he commanded, only able to relax slightly. I startled when I felt one of his legs slide in between mine, kicking my feet to where he wanted them. I felt my face burn hotter when he did not remove his leg and moved his hands down my arms to my hands in order to reposition my grip on the blaster. He was much taller than me and, therefore, had no problems reaching my hands from where he stood behind me. I could feel his chest pressed against my back, his breath ghosting along my neck and the side of my face. He smelled of Homogoni- clean, fresh, masculine, with just a hint of spice. 

“Try again,” he said softly, guiding my arms to aim at the target. I glanced at his gloved hand on my forearm before returning my attention to the target. I lined up my blaster with the target, took a deep breath and fired. I couldn’t hide my smile when I saw that I had hit the target in the chest. Granted it was a little far to the right, but I was still pleased. My joy was short lived when I felt Hux pull away from me, reminding me of not only the compromising position I’d found myself in, but also the fact that I’d needed such individualistic help. I had yet to see any of the superior officers take such a hands on approach with training and I was embarrassed that I was apparently so bad as to warrant the use of such a method. My embarrassment was only heightened when I realised that I was slightly aroused now that Hux had stepped away from me and I was no longer afraid of what he might do to me. 

“Continue,” he said from behind me before turning away to continue his rounds. I willed my thoughts away and focused on my position, mimicking the form Hux had put me in moments before. I took my time with each shot, readjusting my stance or grip if I felt myself slipping. By the time I reached the last blaster, my aim and accuracy were much improved, albeit a little slow. I returned to the rows of officers and took my place in line beside Irie, prepared to watch the final two groups as they practised. 

“Did you see that? He had to physically put her into the correct position,” a voice that sounded distinctly like my roommate’s said from behind me. “Hopeless. I think I’d die of embarrassment if I were her.”

“Pathetic,” Ragni agreed. 

I forced my shoulders further back and lifted my head higher, determined not to show them that what they said was getting to me. I was glad that they were both standing behind me so they couldn’t see the red on my face, and I hoped that my neck hadn’t turned red, too. I couldn’t help but watch Hux inconspicuously. I was still embarrassed and bothered by the position I’d found myself in with him. I was somewhat relieved when I noticed him correct a few other officers' postures with a hand on a shoulder or arm. Still, no one else seemed to need as much direction as me and I wondered, not for the first time, if I’d made the right decision all those years ago. 

I was relieved when we were finally dismissed and I exited the room quickly, taking care to avoid my friends. I wasn’t in the mood to deal with their questions or comments. I knew that most of the officers would be heading to the mess hall for dinner, and, although I was hungry, I had no desire to be gawked at anymore. I broke away from the group and decided to take a circuitous route back to my room. I walked quickly, waiting until I was out of sight of my fellow classmates before slowing my pace to an amble. I replayed the events in the training room over in my mind, finding myself once again embarrassed and slightly aroused. I thought about his touch, firm but not enough to hurt me, or his voice, soft in my ear. This was the second time he’d been almost tender with me, but the reprimands that accompanied those moments and comprised the majority of my interactions with him were a stark contrast. I had to admit that I found myself thoroughly confused by his behaviour. 

I shook my head as I turned another corner, as if the physical motion would shake the confounding thoughts from my head. I looked up and realised I wasn’t exactly sure where I was, but shrugged it off knowing that a Star Destroyer was only so large. I would eventually find my way to my room. Or, worst case scenario, I could ask someone for directions. Admittedly, the latter option was less than ideal, but maybe it would not be too humbling an experience if I could find a lower ranking officer, like myself. 

As I continued down the corridor, I heard a strange noise coming from up ahead. It grew louder the closer I got and it was unlike anything I’d ever heard before, some kind of strange buzzing mixed with the screeching of metal. Curiosity getting the better of me, I made my way to where the noise was coming from, silently hoping that whatever I might find wasn’t something above my clearance level that might get me into trouble. 

I peeked my head around the corner and found a large control room filled with terminals and panels. The room appeared to be empty save for one lone figure. A large man dressed entirely in black and wielding a dangerous looking weapon was destroying the panels along one of the walls. I knew exactly who this man was and my breathing hitched upon realising he’d finally returned. That explained why the superior officers had been in such foul moods earlier. I went to make my escape as quietly as I could, but I found myself rooted to the spot. I tried again to move my body and panic began to set in when I realised that the sounds of destruction had stopped. I looked up to find Commander Ren was now staring in my direction, red blade still glowing in his hand. 

“What are you doing here?” he asked, voice intimidatingly distorted by the modulator. 

If I could have flinched, I would have, but I was still unable to move. I swallowed thickly before replying. “I heard something. I wasn’t sure what it was…” 

I was cut off by an invisible force wrapping around my throat, and I realised I could move again when my hands instinctively flew up to try and pry the ghostly grip away. 

“Why are you here?” he asked again, stepping closer. I realised he’d put his weapon away and I was glad, but my relief was short lived when the invisible hold on my throat tightened. 

I spluttered, attempting to choke out an answer. “I was...walking back to my...my room. I h...heard a noise…” 

He cut me off. “You’re a long way from the officers’ quarters,” he said, tightening his grip even more and taking a step closer to me. I looked up into his mask, my eyes pleading for him to believe me, to release me. He seemed to study me and I wondered if he was deciding whether or not to kill me. I was gasping for air, my vision going blurry, and seeing black spots. 

“So...you’re the one,” he said after some time, but I barely registered that he’d spoken at all. 

“P...please,” I managed to choke out, still trying to claw at the invisible force around my throat. 

He held onto me for a moment more before releasing me with a violent shove. I’d been deprived of proper oxygen for too long to be able to catch myself. Losing my balance, I stumbled backwards and fell, my head hitting the console behind me before my world went black. 

####    
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks so much for reading!  
> Drop some kudos or a comment if you feel like it.  
> Would love to hear your thoughts.


	8. Suspicion

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Once again it is First Order Friday!  
> Enjoy...

# Suspicion

* * *

#### 32 ABY - The Finalizer - 244Core System - The Unknown Regions

#### Hux, Day 2

I sat at my desk, nursing a cup of caf, as I read through the personnel files of the officers who would be completing their training under my command. There was really only one file that I was interested in reading again, but I knew it was important to familiarise myself with the others. I leaned back in my chair as I finally reached the report I’d been most anxious to read: Evren Saeran. Officer Saeran had performed exceedingly well with data processing and on every test she’d been given, but her physical prowess seemed to be subpar. It was fortunate for her that she was recruited as a physician for the Order and not a soldier, but, still, her skills would need to be improved. She needed to be able to defend herself should the occasion arise. I enlarged the picture attached to her file, studying the image of the girl I’d met so many years before. Her face was more angular, the softness of her youth gone, making her features more striking. But even this photo did not match the visage of the girl I’d seen on the _Supremacy_ several weeks ago. 

I had been called to the _Supremacy_ on business with Supreme Leader Snoke. During my time there, I’d sat through several bureaucratic meetings relating to the officers’ training program and even received a tour of the different classes while they were at work. I had seen her from an observation deck as she stood watching two other officers face each other in combat training. She had not seen me, but I did not, could not miss her. Her pale skin was now almost white, a stark contrast to her dark hair, and she was slimmer than when I’d met her. I’d thought about her over the years, reading through the periodic reports I received from the officer in charge of her check-ins, but I had not realised she was finally here, within the Order, completing her indoctrination. The feeling I got in the pit of my stomach upon seeing her concerned me, and I devised a plan to have her complete her training directly under my supervision aboard the _Finalizer_. I recruited Captain Loic to assist me with training and, together with Major Karan, we selected the best officers currently in the program. There had been several other candidates with better performance scores than Officer Saeran, but I was insistent on her selection for the program. Of course, neither Loic nor Karan argued with my choice, but I did not miss the curious glance the Major gave me. 

I had no evidence to suggest any disloyalty from the girl, but I wanted to be sure that she had not been recruited as a spy. After all, she had spent several years outside of the First Order finishing her education, and had even completed her first year of Residency on Hosnian Prime, home of the New Republic. I understood the merits of participating in such a prestigious program, but that did not keep me from my suspicions. At least, questioning her loyalty to the First Order was the only thing that could possibly explain the feeling I’d gotten upon seeing her again. 

I quickly accessed the file of the next officer when Major Karan entered my office. I sat up straighter as she saluted me, a customary act upon our first encounter each day. “Report,” I commanded her without looking up from my datapad. 

“The mining of 244Core’s ore is going well and is on schedule. Colonel Bloodfil is scheduled to meet with the head of mining this afternoon. Captain Peavey is on the bridge for the day, sir, per your orders. I have spoken with Captain Loic and he is prepared for the day. Captain Phasma wishes for you to inspect the current class of troopers, at your convenience, sir. Here is a list of the officers we have recruited to help with training later in the day.” She handed me a datapad with the list pulled up. “Commander Ren is expected back in three days, sir,” she finished. 

My jaw tensed at the mention of the Commander, and I knew Karan had intentionally saved that piece of information for last. I was always glad when he was gone on some mission for Snoke, knowing that I would not have to deal with his tempestuous behaviour and that my ship wouldn’t be destroyed for a while. I stood and returned her datapad before exiting the room, the Major following behind me.

We entered the auditorium, everyone standing at attention upon our arrival. I made my way down the steps, Loic and Karan trailing behind me, and turned to face the crowd of officers once I’d reached the front of the room. “At ease,” I said, pausing to glance over them all. I spotted Officer Saeran in the second row and I had to consciously refrain from letting my eyes linger on her. “Be seated,” I commanded with a pause as I waited for them to sit. “You are here because you are amongst the best of the First Order. Over the next three months you will become better. You will be put through vigorous mental and physical training exercises in addition to participating in programs to advance your personal and professional development. Failure is not an option.” I paused for emphasis and could not help myself when my eyes met hers’, noting the way she shifted when I looked at her. “Captain Loic…” I said, indicating for him to take over. I had intentionally enlisted the help of the Captain so that I would not be solely responsible for training, allowing for me to better observe the officer in question. 

*******

####    
  


I kept my face impassive as I watched Officer Saeran fall for the second time, barely catching herself with her hands before her face collided with the floor. I spared a glance at Officer Natsu Tanix as she crossed the finish line before returning my gaze to the Ensign. She was going to be the last to finish the obstacle course and I could see the moment that realisation dawned on her, watching as her cheeks went from pink to red with embarrassment. I watched as she stood and jogged slowly across the finish line, not missing the way she subtly favoured her right leg. 

“Well done, officers,” Loic said once she had joined the others where they stood. I saw her shift, standing off center and supporting the majority of her weight with her left leg. I could not hide the sneer from my face at the fact she was injured. Her eyes met mine and she blushed again before turning her attention back to Captain Loic. He gave the dismissal for lunch and they all began to exit the room. I was unable to stop myself from intervening when I noticed her slightly limping gait. 

“Ensign,” I said, moving to stand closer to her. I waited as she and two other officers turned and saluted, waiting for me to speak. “Report to the medical bay and have your ankle looked at.”

“Yes, sir,” she said, salute still in place. 

“Dismissed,” I said before turning and making my way to where Loic stood talking quietly with two other officers. We made our way to a conference room down the hall, taking seats around the large table in the middle of the room. 

“Officer Varro performed very well, as did Officer Meris,” Loic said after a moment. “I have a feeling we’ll see Cosmin shine this afternoon in hand-to-hand combat, which will make up for his slowness.”

“Officer Dehateh was quite good, too, overall. Officer Sabbia is very fast,” Major Karan said from directly to my right. I looked at my datapad as they spoke, regurgitating the information in the files out loud. The room fell quiet when a service droid entered, carrying a tray of nutritive shakes. I continued to read through the notes as the droid circled the room, distributing the shakes. I stared down at my datapad, deep in thought, as Karan and Loic continued discussing the officers. I found myself fighting the urge to access the Ensign’s file to check for any updates on her physical condition. It was a ridiculous notion. I knew that it was likely too soon for any documentation to even be in the system yet, but what puzzled me was why I felt the need to check at all. My thoughts were interrupted when I heard Loic mention her name. 

“Officer Saeran,” he said, letting her name linger in the air for a moment before he continued. “She is small, weak and uncoordinated. We’ve seen her scores from the _Supremacy_ and, so far, she’s not faring any better here. I doubt she’ll do much better with any of the other tests today. I’m still not even sure why she’s here.” He looked at me as he said the last, the unspoken question clear on his face. 

I tried very quickly to think of an appropriate response without revealing my motives, and was relieved when Karan spoke, “of course, she is at a disadvantage. She is the newest member of the Order within this group of officers. And she performed exceptionally well in the datapits and on the written tests. I’m sure we’ll see her shine there.”

“Good test scores don’t win wars,” Loic challenged. 

“Well, I guess it’s fortunate that she is a doctor and not a soldier, Captain,” I said, echoing my earlier thought out loud. I stood, leaving my half finished shake on the table, and exited the room with Loic and Karan following behind me. 

I’d been impressed when Officer Saeran recited tactical strategy as if she was reading it from the page, but I was quickly disappointed when she failed to argue her point effectively. As a result, Officer Sabbia’s proposition was chosen and the team was killed in action. I took it upon myself to reprimand them all for selecting the wrong course of action, and further admonished Officer Saeran for not better defending her proposal. She was smart and it was imperative that she believe in herself. It would be unacceptable for an officer of the First Order to be perceived as timid. 

I’d also found myself to be pleasantly surprised at how well she did at the shooting range. Granted, her aim and accuracy were subpar and sporadic, but, based on her assessments from the _Supremacy_ , I’d expected her to be ghastly. She’d somehow managed to mostly hit the target, and I wondered if she’d been practicing or had a tutor. I found myself irrationally angry at the thought of her having a tutor and I wasn’t sure why. 

We now stood in one of the training rooms aboard the _Finalizer_ , which was usually used for Stormtrooper training as evidenced by the racks of weapons that lined one side of the room. I looked at the officers who stood, waiting, around the mat in their standard issue athletic wear. “We will now be assessing your aptitude at hand-to-hand combat,” I said, taking my datapad from Major Karan’s outstretched hand before glancing down at it. “We will call you up two at a time to face off. Remember your forms…”

I watched as each set of officers fought one another, making notes in their individual files regarding strengths, forms, and any areas for improvement. Our observations, combined with the assessments from the _Supremacy_ , would help us determine where to focus our efforts and energy for the remainder of training. I looked up when Loic called the next set of names: Officers Sabbia and Saeran. I did not miss the look of dread that crossed the Ensign’s face, and was impressed as she stepped onto the mat with her head held high and no evidence of injury to her gait. I was certain that Junior Lieutenant Nefret Sabbia was going to win and I wasn’t sure why, but some small part of me was rooting for the young physician. She had barely made it to the center of the mat, standing across from her fellow officer, when Sabbia attacked. Officer Saeran blocked blow after blow, being pushed backwards as the Junior Lieutenant continued to attack. I was impressed as she blocked a punch before landing a blow of her own directly in Officer Sabbia’s abdomen. She stumbled back a few steps, rage filling her face, before she went on the attack again, more viciously this time. I could tell Officer Saeran was struggling to block her assaults, and both girls ended up locked together, holding each other’s right arm in place with their left to prevent the other from throwing a punch. They struggled for dominance for a few moments, pushing and pulling against one another. I could see the determination in the Ensign’s face and the building frustration in Sabbia’s. After a moment, Sabbia made her move and landed a powerful kick to Evren’s already injured ankle. I felt the anger rising in me as she collapsed, crying out in pain as she fell to the ground. Officer Sabbia tapped her rather hard on her back, ending the fight with a smug smirk on her face. I felt my anger build even more when I noted the tears in Evren’s eyes as she looked up, giving her opponent a look that could kill. 

“Well done, Office Sabbia,” I said, glancing at her briefly before returning my attention to where Evren sat on the floor, not missing the way her face fell when her gaze met mine. “You are dismissed to seek medical attention, Ensign,” I said, addressing her. Two officers rushed forward, helping her up and from the room. I discretely watched as she exited the room, hopping on her left foot with the support of the two girls on either side of her. My attention was pulled away when Loic called out the names of the next two officers. The fighting resumed, but I found myself distracted. I was still angry, but, more than that, I was confused. I expected to be angry at Officer Saeran’s ineptitude throughout the day. Instead, I was angry at Officer Sabbia, and I wasn’t sure why. She’d done what any officer would do in a combat situation, taken an enemy’s weakness and used it against them. So, why was I still seething that she had injured her fellow officer during a training exercise. “ _That was it_ ,” I decided. Finding and exploiting an enemy’s weakness in combat was one thing, but to intentionally maime a fellow officer during a training exercise was unacceptable. 

Once the final match was finished, I addressed the officers. “Today was just the beginning of the next three months of your lives. Training will continue to be demanding and hard, but we now have a better idea of your strengths…” I paused as I looked around at them all before continuing, “and where you could use improvement. I expect greatness from you all.” I paused again and was unable to hide the sneer from my face as I began speaking again, “And remember, while it is effective to use an enemy’s weakness against them, for the purpose of training we should not intentionally seek to cause injury to our fellow officers. After all, we are on the same side of this war,” I finished, sparing a glance at Officer Sabbia whose face had fallen at the reprimand. “Dismissed,” I barked before promptly exiting the room ahead of them all, anxious to get to the confines of my office and check for a status report on Officer Saeran. 

####    
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry not sorry to leave you with a bit of a cliffhanger last week and then post a chapter from Hux's POV. The next chapter will be from his POV, too, and then we'll pick our story back up. Got the idea to write my story like this from Merimna (go check it out if you haven't, it's amazing) and it is so much easier for me to write in the first person, but we want to know what Hux is thinking, too.  
> Anyways, thanks so much for reading. As always, feedback is greatly appreciated.


	9. Epiphany

# Epiphany

* * *

#### 32 ABY - The Finalizer - 244Core System - The Unknown Regions

#### Hux, Day 14

“You were due back three weeks ago, Ren,” I said, falling into step beside the Commander. 

“I got delayed,” he replied simply, voice modulated by the mask he wore. 

“And you couldn’t have reported in?” I asked, not bothering to hide the contempt from my voice. 

Ren stepped in front of me, blocking my path. “I do not answer to you, General.”

“That may be true, but this military is mine. It is within my rights to know where my men and my ships are.” We stared at each other, neither of us backing down. After several moments, I felt the slightest pressure in my head. I recognised the sensation from years of dealing with the Supreme Leader and was thankful that, as a result, I'd learned to control my thoughts. “Nice try, Ren,” I said, cutting him off before stepping around him. 

I made my way to the bridge, knowing that I would find Major Karan there. I did not miss the way the officers straightened slightly as I entered the bridge and made my way to where Karan stood conversing with Captain Peavey. He saluted as I approached and I quickly dismissed him. Karan looked at me expectantly. “Do we have the report from Commander Ren’s mission?” I asked without looking at her, staring out the viewport in front of me. 

“Yes, sir. It has been sent to your datapad,” she said from where she stood on my right. 

“Very well. Is there anything of import in it?” 

“No, sir.”

“I shall read it later then.” After a moment of silence, I added, “be sure to assign a tech for any repairs necessary whilst the Commander is here, however long that may be.” I continued to stare out the viewport in quiet contemplation. I could not help but think of the young doctor, and I suddenly found myself very worried that she might encounter Kylo Ren. He was known for his volatility and had sent both officers and stormtroopers to the medical bay on numerous occasions. I was suddenly confused by my concern, and I rationalised to myself that as General of the First Order of course I cared that my men and resources were abused and wasted by one of our own. But that didn’t explain why I had thought of Officer Evren Saeran specifically. My thoughts were interrupted when I heard Major Karan speak.

“Shall we head to the firing range, General?” she asked. 

I nodded once in reply and turned to find Ren standing behind us. I silently cursed myself for letting my thoughts wander in such a public place while he was around. He did not address us, but simply stared unnervingly at me, saying nothing. I wondered if he’d read my thoughts and quickly pushed them all away. “Did you need something, Ren?” I asked with a sneer. 

“Just making sure you received your report, General,” he replied, and I could swear I heard the sarcasm in his voice despite the modulation. 

“Indeed,” was all I said before exiting the bridge with Karan behind me. 

My mood had grown significantly sour after my interactions with Ren, and I glanced at my chrono as Vella and I waited in the hall just outside the firing range for Captain Loic to join us. I glanced at my chrono as he approached us and noted that he was two minutes late. 

“You’re late, Captain,” I said coldly. 

“Yes, sir. I’m…”

“See that it doesn’t happen again or I will have you stripped of your rank and sent to reconditioning,” I said, interrupting him before turning to enter the room. I heard the rustle of officers falling into line as we entered. 

“Well, what’re you all standing around for? You know what to do,” Loic barked from behind me. I made my way down the line of officers, watching as the first group stepped up to begin practicing. I kept my eyes on the line of officers at the range, intentionally avoiding those waiting their turn. I was still confused by my earlier thoughts regarding Evren...Officer Saeran, and I was avoiding laying eyes on her because of it. I stood between Officers Sabbia and Varro, observing their aim and accuracy, when I heard the message notification emit from my datapad. I pulled up the message and felt my body tense as I read the report from Colonel Bloodfil. The mining of 244Core’s ore was falling behind because of some issues on the planet. I wasn’t sure if I was more perturbed by the fact that issues had come up or the fact that Bloodfil had failed to include what those issues were in his report. I tucked my datapad behind my back as the groups switched, returning my attention to the task at hand. I would deal with Colonel Bloodfil’s report later. 

I made my way back down the row of officers, walking behind Officer Saeran as she fired. The shot hit over the target’s shoulder and I stopped to watch as she fired again, this time hitting just below it’s hand. I felt my ire grow. “You would think after months of training you would know how to wield a blaster. Are you that inept, Ensign?” I said as I walked up behind her. Loic, Karan and I had all given her instructions on proper form and technique to help improve her aim and accuracy. I’d even seen Loic demonstrate the proper technique for her personally. Yet she still remained atrocious, the worst in her class. I looked down at her. “Your stance is all wrong. How many times must you be told? Here.” I was done with her ineptitude and decided she needed a more hands-on approach. I placed my hands on her upper arms and I felt her tense in response. I hadn’t realised exactly how close I was standing until her back brushed against my chest, and, in that moment, I felt all of my anger from the day dissipate. “Relax,” I said softly, knowing that her tense posture would do nothing for her aim. Her back brushed against my chest again as she drew in a deep breath, and I felt her relax almost imperceptibly. I slid my right leg in between hers and moved her feet into the proper position, taking care not to cause further injury to her ankle. I found I rather liked the closeness of the position and made no attempt to remove myself. Instead, I slid my hands down her arms to where her hands held the blaster, further closing what little distance there was between us, and adjusted her grip on the blaster. 

“Try again,” I said as I moved my hands back to her forearms and guided her aim to the target. She hesitated a moment, drawing in a deep breath, and I inhaled with her, suddenly very aware of her scent surrounding me. Clean. Floral, but with a slightly musky undertone. It was intoxicating and I had the urge to bury my nose in her hair. The sound of blaster fire brought me back to the present, and I quickly pulled away. “Continue,” I said before turning away to continue my rounds. I was grateful for the length of the First Order uniform tunic, which would conceal the slight tightness I suddenly felt in the front of my pants. I was confused by my reaction to Officer Saeran. I was always in control of myself, had always been in control of myself, but by just being close to her I had forgotten myself in front of a room full of officers. I felt the same feeling in the pit of my stomach as when I had seen her on the  _ Supremacy _ , and I now questioned my judgement of what that feeling had meant. 

I realised what my actions must have looked like to those around us, and made a conscious effort for the remainder of class to correct any incorrect postures or positions with a touch to an arm or hand. However, I kept my distance and maintained a professional demeanor each time. I told myself that I did not want to get into an awkward position with another officer, but, in truth, there was no one else that I wanted to get that close to. 

I was relieved when class was dismissed, and quickly made my way to the privacy of my chambers. I poured myself a glass of whiskey before sitting down in my preferred armchair in the living area. I took a sip of the amber coloured liquid before pulling up Bloodfil’s reports on 244Core. I was in no mood to talk to the man yet and hoped to garner some insight into the issue from the documents. I tried to focus on the first report, but found myself too distracted. Why had I reacted that way to one of my subordinates? I had worked closely with female officers before and had never had such a reaction. I leaned back, closing my eyes and thinking about the way her body had felt against mine and the way she had smelled, and I felt myself becoming aroused again. I opened my eyes, my jaw tense, and tried to will the thoughts away. I was becoming increasingly frustrated with my continued interest in her and what that might mean. The question of her loyalty seemed a plausible enough excuse in the beginning, but the way that I reacted to her and found my thoughts frequented by her meant something else entirely. I just wasn’t exactly sure what. Sure, she was smart and attractive, but I was an ambitious and logical man and had never had any interest in pursuing a relationship before. I tried to remember the last time I had been with a woman and realised it had been six years. That had to be it. My lack of intimacy was fueling my attraction to this beautiful, intelligent and frustrating woman. I needed to do something about that before I made a fool of myself or did something untoward to one of my officers, namely Officer Saeran. I was certain that taking care of my problem would put an end to my infatuation with the young doctor. 

I took another sip of my whiskey and returned my attention to my datapad, finally able to focus now that I had solved the problem of Evren Saeran. The buzzing at my door of someone requesting entry pulled me away. I exited the report and accessed the appropriate application to open the door from where I sat. I was surprised when Major Karan rushed into my chambers looking as if she had run all the way there. 

“Sir,” she said, panting slightly. “I’ve just received word from the medical bay. It’s Officer Saeran. She’s had a run in with Commander Ren.” 

I jumped up and made my way toward the door, exiting my chambers with Karan falling into step beside me. “How bad is it?” I asked.

“I’m not sure, sir. The message just said that Commander Ren had brought her in and that she was unconscious. I came to tell you immediately, sir.” 

We walked in silence, our steps in sync as we quickly made our way to the medical bay. The journey seemed long and my mind conjured every possible horrible thing that Ren could have done to her. I could not help but wonder if he had targeted her intentionally, and I silently cursed myself for having been so careless with my thoughts earlier. 

We entered the medical bay just as Major Jían was walking into the reception area from the back. He gave a brief salute, not waiting for the command to stand at ease before he turned and made his way back down the hall. “If you’ll follow me, sir,” he said as he turned. 

I followed him down the hall, Major Karan on my heels, to one of the larger, private rooms toward the back. He stopped just outside the door. “Major Marfa is inside,” he said, stepping to the side to allow me entry. 

I entered the room and noticed Marfa standing at the head of the bed, making notations on her datapad. She stood to attention upon seeing me and I gave her a wave of my hand to be at ease. I turned my attention to where Evren lay and felt myself go cold. Her lips and cheeks had no colour to them, and she looked so lifeless lying there in a white gown under the crisp, grey linen. I noticed the dark bruises that adorned her delicate neck and I felt my jaw clench in rage. Although I could see and hear the machines that indicated she was alive, I couldn’t help myself as I watched her chest rise and fall, making sure that she was breathing. 

“She has a concussion and some injuries to her neck, all relatively minor. She should make a full recovery given some time. We have given her something to help her rest through the night, and she should really rest tomorrow as well.” Marfa paused for a moment before she continued, “I’d recommend she take tomorrow off.” 

I did not look at her as she spoke, unable to take my eyes off of Evren’s still form. After several moments of silence, punctured by only the quiet beeping of the machinery measuring her vitals, Marfa spoke again. “If you’ll excuse me, sir.” I nodded once and she exited the room, closing the door softly behind her. I turned my head, looking for Vella, and was relieved to find that I was alone. 

I returned my attention to where Evren lay and moved to stand closer to the foot of the bed. I went back and forth between studying the peaceful expression on her pale face and watching her breathe. It was in that moment that I realised that my interest in Officer Evren Saeran had nothing to do with distrust or carnal desire. She was beautiful, intelligent, successful, kind, fiercely independent, challenging and so many other things, and I wanted her. In that moment I realised that I wanted Evren Saeran in my life and that, subconsciously, I always had. 

  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the later post. I have had the week off, and have been busy packing and spending quality time with my daughter.   
> I hope those of you in the states had a Happy Thanksgiving, despite everything.   
> Anyways, hope you enjoyed this chapter. Kudos and comments are greatly appreciated.


	10. No Rest

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's First Order Friday!  
> We've hit ten chapters, you guys!  
> I just want to take a moment to thank all of you who have left comments or kudos and followed this story. I love reading what you guys have to say, and I am so appreciative of you guys taking a moment to let me know that you're enjoying reading this story as much as I'm enjoying writing it. It is so nice to know that I am not just writing this story for myself, but that I have an audience along for the ride with me.

# No Rest

* * *

#### 32 ABY - The Finalizer - 244Core System - The Unknown Regions

#### Evren, Day 15

I awoke feeling heavy, both in mind and body. It took me a few moments, but I finally managed to open my eyes. I was confused when I saw that I was in the med bay instead of my room, and I tried to recall why. The memory of my confrontation with Commander Ren came rushing back and I sat up quickly, suddenly afraid. I instantly regretted my decision when I felt a pounding in my head. In my haziness I hadn’t realised that I was connected to any kind of monitor, nor did I register its increased beeping at my sudden panic. However, when Major Jían rushed into the room, I heard it all. 

He approached me like I was a wounded animal, slowly and with both hands raised in front of him. “It’s okay. You’re alright,” he said as he stepped closer, putting a comforting hand on my shoulder and silencing the alarm at the same time. 

“What...what happened?” I asked, my voice barely above a whisper. I winced at how it hurt to use my vocal chords and how raspy my voice sounded. 

“You have a concussion, some injuries to your larynx and some bruising. Nothing that won’t heal. You’re lucky Commander Ren brought you in…” I noticed the wariness in his voice as he stated the last, and I could tell that he knew the commander was the cause of my injuries. 

“What time is it?” I asked.

“0400. You’ve been out for about ten hours,” he replied, adjusting the bed so that I could lean against it and remain sitting up. “I’ve notified the General that you’re awake.” 

“Great,” I responded sarcastically. 

As if on cue, there was a knock at the door and a moment later General Hux entered the room, impeccably dressed in his uniform and greatcoat despite the ungodly hour. I sat up straighter in bed as Major Jían saluted the general. 

“You are dismissed, Major,” Hux said as he moved to stand at the foot of the bed, hands behind his back. He scrutinised me, a look of disgust and hatred on his face, and I felt myself shrink under his glare. After an uncomfortable silence, he finally spoke again, “You would do well to avoid any confrontations with Commander Ren in the future, Ensign.” His voice was cold as he spoke, and I could almost hear the sneer I knew was on his face. 

“Yes, sir,” I replied, keeping my eyes fixed on a random spot on the blanket, avoiding his glare. In that moment, I was glad for my injured throat, it disguised my meek response. 

“You have permission to miss class today,” he said after a moment. 

“Yes, sir. Thank you, sir,” I replied, still avoiding his gaze. The silence that stretched between us was awkward, and I waited with bated breath for him to either admonish me or leave. 

“How are you feeling?” he asked after what seemed like forever. 

I found myself completely caught off guard, not only by his question, but the almost concerned tone in his voice. I finally looked up, meeting his gaze, to find his expression impassive. I knew my surprise at his question was evident on my face, but I made no attempt at hiding it. 

“I’m okay,” I rasped out. “Thank you, sir.” He nodded his head once in reply. I watched as his brow furrowed in contemplation and I waited expectantly for him to say something else. Instead, he turned and swiftly exited the room. 

Almost as soon as Hux left the room, Jían re-entered it. He made his way to the monitor and hit a button on it, taking my blood pressure. He made notes on his datapad as he waited for the machine to finish. We both turned our attention to the monitor when the cycle stopped. 

“Your vitals look stable,” he said aloud just as I was having the same thought. CeeCee swept into the room with a stack of clothes as Jían spoke again. “You’re free to go, but try to take it easy. If you notice any issues with breathing, increased pain or any other concerning symptoms please come back and let us take a look at you. And we’ll want to see you in about three weeks to re-evaluate that ankle,” he said with a nod in the direction of my right leg. 

“Yes, of course. Thank you, Major,” I said just before he exited the room, leaving me to change into the standard issue athletic wear CeeCee had left on my bed. 

*******

My body felt cold and the warmth of the shower was a welcome comfort. I winced as I ran my hands over the tender spot on the back of my head. Stepping out of the shower, I wrapped myself in a towel before moving to stand in front of the sink. I caught sight of myself in the mirror and was horrified by my reflection. I looked a fright. My eyes were bloodshot and the dark bruises that lined my throat contrasted greatly with my pale skin, making them stand out even more. 

I quickly finished in the refresher, forgoing any makeup, knowing that no amount of beauty products could make me look less haggard. I stepped out and, once again, almost ran into Nefret, who was standing just outside the door. I went to step around her and was stunned when she spoke to me. 

“Are you okay? I heard what happened… with Commander Ren.” 

“I’m fine,” I replied simply, unable to hide the suspicion from my voice. 

I watched her uncross her arms and shift her weight uncomfortably. “I may not like you, but you didn’t deserve to be strangled,” she said with a shrug. 

“Thanks…” I said almost as a question, unable to stop myself as I asked her, “and why don’t you like me exactly?” 

She shrugged again. “You’re competition. Everyone is,” she said as if it was the most obvious thing in the world. 

“I’m hardly competition for you,” I replied with a smirk. “You weren’t wrong when you said I was hopeless. Besides, wouldn’t it be better to have friends? People you know would have your back?” 

“The formation of attachments is strongly discouraged,” she said as if she was reading straight from the manual. 

“And yet people do it anyway. They can’t stop you from being human. No matter how hard they try. Besides, aren’t you friends with Ragni?” 

She didn’t respond, just stared off pensively. I turned and resumed getting ready for the day. 

I quickly made my way to the mess hall and grabbed a nutritive shake and a bottle of water before joining my friends. I was pleasantly surprised to see that Nico and Jaxith were sitting with them. I was amused by the varying degrees of shock and concern on their faces as they all looked at me. 

“They could have at least given you the day to recover,” Carice said, nodding to my uniform. 

“They did. I’m not taking it,” I responded in between sips of my shake. 

“What!?” 

“Why not!?” Carice and Yuna asked at the same time. 

I shrugged my shoulders. “I’m fine. And I don’t want any special treatment.” 

“You were just kriffing choked! It’s not special treatment,” Carice practically shouted at me. 

“I’m fine,” I replied emphatically, giving her a look that said to drop the subject. 

We glared at one another for a moment before Nico cleared his throat and said, “Well, we better go if we don’t want to be late. We’re cutting it close as is.” I took one more sip of my shake before standing to trash it. I’d barely had half of it, the pain in my throat worsening every time I drank through the straw, but it would have to do. 

We entered the data pits and I was surprised to see Hux was already there. We really must have been cutting it close. His brow furrowed and a sneer formed on his face when he saw me. I ducked my head slightly and made my way to my terminal, turning it on and immediately starting to process reports. I leaned back in my seat in an attempt to find a more comfortable position for my aching neck, and I was relieved when neither Hux nor Loic addressed my poor posture as they walked by.

That afternoon, I found myself once again standing along the wall in the room we used for close combat training. We had all been surprised when both Nefret and Ragni asked to join us, and I think I surprised my friends even more with my enthusiastic affirmation. I knew I would have to tell them about my earlier conversation with my roommate at some point. I leaned against the wall and watched the two groups without really paying attention to the fights. I perked up when I noticed Major Karan making her way over. She stood on the inside of the room between the two groups, watching the end of Irie and Yuna’s fight and whispering something to the officer overseeing the two sets of skirmishes. She turned her attention to where Ragni and Nefret were facing each other, watching for a few moments before moving on. I noticed the sympathetic smile and small wave she gave me as she passed by, and I returned the gesture in kind. I followed her with my eyes as she made her way to the next group before returning my attention to Nefret and Ragni’s fight. They were both vicious fighters and well matched, and I sincerely did not know who would win each time. 

I zoned out again as I watched the fights and was caught off guard when General Hux joined me along the wall. I stood straighter, watching him warily from the corner of my eye as he watched the match in front of him. 

“I thought I told you to take the day off,” he said without taking his focus away from the fight. 

“You gave me permission to take the day off, but I took it as a suggestion rather than an order...sir.” I watched as his jaw tightened and winced at my own impertinence, waiting for the reprimand I knew was coming. I only hoped I hadn’t just earned myself a trip to reconditioning. 

My attention was pulled away when I heard a frustrated cry from in front of me. I turned my attention to where Nefret and Ragni were fighting just in time to see them land hits where they would insert a knife simultaneously. They were on the ground and they pulled away from each other, both lying on their backs and panting from the exertion. 

“Impressive display, Officers,” Hux said from beside me. I watched, amused, as they both scrambled to their feet and stood at attention, still panting for breath. I smirked at Nefret as if to say “told you so”. Hux noticed the exchange and turned his head to look at me.

“At ease,” he said, addressing them, eyes still fixed on me. I chewed the bottom corner of my lip as he studied me, becoming more uncomfortable when his eyes flickered down to my lips and then my neck. I shifted awkwardly and wondered if my bruises were showing. I had hoped that the high collar of my uniform would cover them. His eyes travelled back up to meet mine and we stared at each other for a moment more before he turned and walked away. 

I stared at his retreating form in confusion. Had I really just sassed General Hux and gotten away with it? 

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Since we have hit chapter ten, I thought I would give you a little treat: a bit of insight into this story.  
> This is going to be two stories. I have the first story (this story) pretty well outlined all the way to the end. I'm thinking it will be about 70 chapters, give or take a few. This story will take us up to the events of The Last Jedi.  
> 


	11. Human

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Welcome back to another First Order Friday!   
> How many of you are freaking out about everything coming to Disney+ and another T. Swift album? Yahhsss. Glad someone is out here trying to redeem 2020.   
> Anyways, enjoy...

# Human

* * *

#### 32 ABY - The Finalizer - 244Core System - The Unknown Regions

#### Evren, Day 29

I woke up earlier than usual, determined to visit the med bay before class. I dressed quickly and went to the mess hall alone, finishing my breakfast in record time, before making my way to the med bay. I was hopeful I’d get to trade my boot in for a brace today. It had been almost three weeks since my run-in with Commander Ren and, per Major Jían’s orders, I was returning for my follow-up visit. 

All traces of pain in my neck and throat had subsided after the first week and a half, and my voice had returned to normal after about two weeks. Some sickly yellowish-brown bruising around my neck, the colour indicative of an injury almost healed, were all that remained of the incident. I had done well to avoid the commander since, sticking close to only the parts of the ship that were essential to me. In fact, were it not for the occasional increased irritability amongst the senior officers, or Carice’s nervous disposition prior to her shifts, I would not suspect that Commander Ren was still on board. He often went away on special missions for the Supreme Leader, and I secretly hoped that one would take him away from the  _ Finalizer _ soon. I would be glad to not have to constantly look over my shoulder, and return to fearing only one of my superiors, instead of two. 

I sat on the bed in the triage room CeeCee had directed me to, waiting for Major Jían. I noticed the tired look on his face as he entered the room, watching as he moved to inspect my ankle without any preamble. He palpated and rotated it, watching my face for any signs of pain. “Have you been having any pain with ambulation? Or anytime, really?” he asked. 

“No, sir.”

“And have you tried walking without the boot at all?” he asked, moving to a cabinet and pulling out a brace. 

“Just around my room...sir.”

He sat the brace down on the bed beside me, moving closer to me. “And how is your neck?” he asked as he began to gently palpate the front of it. “Any pain?”

“No, sir,” I replied, angling my head up so that he could better access the area. 

He stepped back from me and picked up the brace, holding it out to me. “Everything looks to be healing nicely. Wear this during the day for two weeks, and then only when you’re going to be active after that. You’ll know when you don’t need it anymore.”

I began putting the brace on and was lacing it up when he spoke again. “Now...Marfa and I don’t want to see you again until you’ve completed officers’ training, so no more accidents.” 

I smiled up at him, slipping on the standard uniform boot I’d brought with me. “Yes, sir,” I replied with a mocking tone, but I was sincerely grateful for his veiled concern. 

“I’ll get rid of this for you,” he said, picking up the CAM boot and promptly exiting the room. I followed behind him, placing my command cap on my head as I made my way to the auditorium. 

I made my way down the steps to my usual seat, noting that General Hux and Captain Loic were already standing in the front of the room with noses buried in their datapads. There were still a few minutes before class started and everyone was sitting quietly and expectantly. Everyone, that is, except for the small group I’d come to call my friends. Jaxith and Nico were turned around in their seats talking to Yuna and Irie. 

“Here she is! And she’s walking normal!” Jaxith said, enthusiasm evident in his voice. 

I couldn’t hide my smile at his jest as I stepped into the second row. “It is nice to be on even footing again,” I said as I sat down next to Irie. 

“We missed you at breakfast,” she said and my smile grew when Yuna nodded her head in agreement, looking like an overly eager dog. 

“I ate earlier. I really wanted that boot off,” I offered in explanation. 

“We understand,” Irie and Yuna said simultaneously.

“So, are you all better?” Jaxith asked. 

“Not quite. I still have to wear a brace and take it easy for another two weeks, but, barring any additional injury, I should be back to normal after that.”

The sound of a throat clearing from the front had us all turning to face Captain Loic, who began the day’s discussion on military strategy.

******* 

That afternoon, I entered the room used for endurance training, glad for the opportunity to put my ankle to the test without having to engage in hand-to-hand combat. To be honest, I was anxious about how I would participate in close combat training without kriffing up my ankle again. I made my way to the back of the room to the last row of officers. I had my instructions to take it easy and I intended to do just that. In the process, I wanted to make sure I got in nobody’s way. I had watched the proceedings so many times that I knew what to expect. 

First, we would complete several strenuous exercises, including push-ups, sit-ups and the like. Then, we would take turns running the obstacle course several times. They put us into teams of ten and had us alternate running the course, which allowed a rest period for those not completing it at that moment. I knew I would have to avoid the high jumps for a while. FInally, they would have us run wearing weighted vests to help build endurance. I decided that I would forgo the vest, glad that I had a legitimate excuse to do so. After all, it had been six weeks since I’d last run and I knew I would feel it without the extra weight. Of course, if Hux or Loic said anything I would tell them that I wasn’t comfortable with putting that added strain on my ankle just yet, which wasn’t entirely a lie. 

I found myself severely out of breath after the initial exercises and I was relieved as we made our way to the start of the obstacle course to have a moment to rest. I’d made sure I was in the final group to go, and, when it was finally our turn, I took my time with the course. I noticed the funny look Hux gave me when I walked around the first jump and half expected him to reprimand me for not trying it. I was surprised when he said nothing, turning his attention away to type something into his datapad. I had to admit I was a little nervous about that, but it wasn’t worth the risk of further injuring my ankle to impress my superior officer, even if he was THE superior officer. 

We completed the course four times before moving on to our run. I ran for a while, keeping pace and enjoying the feeling of the burning in my lungs and legs. However, when my ankle started hurting, I slowed to a walk, not wanting to re-injure myself. I placed my hand on a stitch in my side and focused on slowing my breathing. My ankle continued to ache and I slowed my pace even more, thinking to myself that I would have to ice it tonight. 

Someone fell into step beside me and I looked at them out of the corner of my eyes, noting the double-banded black and silver insignia cuff on the left sleeve. I turned my eyes forward and dropped my hand from my side, waiting for whatever was about to come. 

“Hurting?” General Hux asked from my right. 

“Only a little, sir.”

“You may stop if you need to,” he said, voice quiet.

I furrowed my brow in confusion and glanced at him, but his face remained impassive and he kept his eyes forward. “Thank you, sir, but I want to continue. I would like to finish with my peers.”

He nodded his head once before walking ahead of me and over to where Loic stood. I watched their exchange before Loic spoke. “You all are dismissed for the day. You have done well and we shall see you tomorrow,” he said, giving the same speech he or Hux gave everyday when they dismissed us. I glanced at my chrono, noting that we’d been dismissed almost forty-five minutes earlier than usual, and I couldn’t help but narrow my eyes suspiciously at Hux as he watched me walk towards the door before turning his attention to his datapad. 

“Well, that was lucky,” Irie said as we made our way to our quarters, interrupting my musings over Hux’s behaviour. 

“Yeah… I wonder what that was about. They’ve never let us go early before,” Yuna replied. 

I stepped in front of them and stopped, turning to face them both. “Fancy a drink?” I asked. 

I watched as they glanced at each other, smiles spreading across their faces, before returning my gaze. “Of course we do,” Irie said and Yuna once again nodded her head enthusiastically at Irie’s response. 

“Great. Let’s get cleaned up and we’ll meet in the lounge. Yeah? Oh, and bring Carice,” I said. 

“Obviously,” Irie called from behind me as Yuna and I made our way to our rooms. 

About forty minutes later, I entered the officers’ lounge, standing on tiptoe and craning my neck to see if any of my acquaintances were there yet. I couldn’t hide my smirk or eyeroll when I saw Carice waving me over. They were all already there, and I noticed that Nico and Jaxith had joined. I slid into the semi-circle booth beside Yuna and couldn’t help but notice that Nico sat with his arm wrapped around the booth behind Carice. A service droid approached the table and took my order, returning a few moments later with a tray full of drinks for us all. I took a sip of my fizzbrew, resting it on my knee as I leaned further back into the plush booth. 

“I heard you organised this little get together. Why are you drinking tonight?” Carice asked from across the table. 

“I had a good day,” I said with a shrug of my shoulders.

“To a good day,” Jaxith said, raising his drink. We all followed suit, raising our drinks into the air in front of us before taking a drink. 

“And what made it so good?” Carice pressed. I noticed the way Nico subtly stroked her arm, and I couldn’t help but smile. Of course Carice had landed him, or I assumed she had. I wondered at the nature of their relationship and made a mental note to ask her about it sometime when he wasn’t around. 

“I’m no longer the class invalid. Well...not entirely,” I replied. 

“And we got to leave early,” Yuna added on my behalf. 

“Yes, that’s odd. That never happens. I wonder why you got to leave early today,” Carice said, leaning forward conspiratorially. 

Nico shrugged beside her. “Maybe they had a meeting.” 

“You would think they would schedule it around class,” she said in retort. 

“Maybe there was an emergency. Maybe something came up. Who cares?” he said in between sips of his ale. 

“What matters is we finally got Evren to join us for a drink,” Jaxith added, a sincere smile on his face. 

“Agreed,” Irie said, also turning to smile at me. 

“Cheers,” I said, lifting my glass to them all before taking another sip. 

I sat back, nursing my drink, as the others conversed among themselves. They attempted to pull me into their conversations, but, being a generally quiet person, I didn’t have much to add. Jaxith was the most persistent of the bunch at trying to get me to engage and he seemed somewhat disappointed by my concise answers. 

I finished my drink just as the service droid approached our table, inquiring about refills. I politely declined to the chagrin of my counterparts. 

“Oh, c’mon, Evvy. Have another,” Carice almost whined. 

“No… I need to go take care of my ankle if I’m going to make it through training tomorrow.” I laid my payment down on the table and stood. “Goodnight,” I said before leaving to return to my room. I stopped by the mess hall on my way to grab some ice. 

When I returned I noticed Nefret was sitting at the desk with headphones in, engrossed in her datapad. She glanced up and nodded once in my direction before returning to the screen in front of her. I traded my leggings for pyjamas and removed my jacket, glancing over Nefret’s shoulder to see what had her attention. She was watching a Holovid, and I was once again reminded that my roommate was, in fact, human. 

I grabbed a towel from the refresher and climbed into bed, wrapping the ice in the towel before placing it on my ankle. I thought about the practically full bottle of painkillers, but, remembering how groggy they had made me and the trouble my grogginess had gotten me into, I quickly decided against them. I leaned back into my pillow and accessed my datapad, deciding to do a bit of reading before bed. I chose to read over First Order protocol again, and it wasn’t long before the monotony of the material had me drifting off to sleep. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks so much for reading.   
> As always, kudos and comments are greatly appreciated.


	12. Divine Intervention

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's First Order Friday!  
> Have you guys watched the season finale of Mando yet? All I am going to say is wow wow wow!

# Divine Intervention

* * *

#### 32 ABY - The Finalizer - 244Core System - The Unknown Regions

#### Evren, Day 32

I made my way to the med bay in search of Major Jían. It had been almost a year since I’d practised medicine and I was becoming increasingly frustrated and restless. Of course I understood the merits of gaining a thorough education in the First Order, military strategy and the like, but I was nervous that I was losing my medical skills by having not utilised them in so long. I was relieved when I entered the med bay to see Jían sitting behind the desk. He looked up from the datapad in his hand and stood upon seeing me. I saluted him quickly, not missing the once over he gave me or the look of concern on his face. 

“Officer Saeran, how can I help you? Is everything alright.” 

I was grateful for his concern and couldn’t stop myself from smiling at him. “Everything is fine, Major. I was hoping I could get a suture kit, though.”

“A suture kit?” he asked with a furrowed brow. 

“Yes, sir. I was hoping to practise,” I replied, showing him the plaitfruit in my hand. 

“Oh… yes, of course,” he said with an approving smile before turning to head to the supply room. I was unsure if I should follow, so I stood in front of the desk waiting. After a moment he reappeared, sterile suture kit in hand. “Here you are,” he said, holding the kit out to me. 

“Thank you, sir,” I said, taking the proffered item from him and swiftly making my exit. I made my way to the auditorium, knowing that I would be incredibly early, but happy for the time to myself. I sat in my usual seat and opened the kit, pulling on the sterile gloves within per protocol before beginning to practise different stitches on the golden fruit I’d acquired. After some time, several of my fellow officers began filing into the room, and I was soon joined by my group of friends. 

“What are you doing?” Nico asked as he stood in front of his seat, a look on his face that said he thought I was crazy. 

“Practising sutures,” I replied with a shrug. “It’s been so long since I’ve practised medicine I was afraid I might have forgotten how.” I couldn’t contain a small smile at my jest. I glanced at the chrono on my wrist and saw there were just a few minutes before class started, so I began cleaning up my things. 

“What’re you going to do with that plaitfruit?” Jaxith asked. 

“Toss it,” I said, looking up at him quizzically. 

“Can I have it?” he asked. 

“Yeah, I guess…” I said, drawing out the words. 

“Why?” Yuna asked from beside me. 

“No point in letting good food go to waste,” he said as he picked up the gold-coloured fruit and took a bite of it. 

“Ewww, Jaxith,” I said, once again dragging out the words. 

“What? The sutures were sterile, weren’t they?” he asked with a shrug. 

“Well, yeah...but I’ve been practising for a while…”

“You could have at least let her take the sutures out first,” Irie said. I was certain the look of disgust on both her and Yuna’s faces echoed my own. 

“Nah...I’ll just eat around them,” he replied nonchalantly. Nico just rolled his eyes and shook his head from beside him.

I carefully put my things away, knowing that I would have to properly dispose of the sharps during the break, and sat the now used kit beside my feet just in time. I heard the familiar sound of the officers behind me standing to attention and joined them, salute in place as General Hux and Captain Loic descended the steps to the front of the room. I noted that Major Karan was not with them. Although she was frequently present for training, it was not uncommon for her to be absent, off doing Hux’s bidding. I had grown to rather like her over the past month and found myself hoping that she would at least join us for the afternoon. 

Lecture passed quickly and it was soon time for lunch. I reached under the table and grabbed the remnants of the suture kit before standing and waiting for my opportunity to exit. I had just made it to the aisle when General Hux addressed me from behind. “Ensign Saeran.” 

Irie and Yuna shot me glances as I stopped, slowly turning and making my way down to the front of the room where he stood. I saluted him, holding it in place and fixing my eyes on his shoulder, not daring to look up at him. 

“Do you think it appropriate to bring personal items to class with you?” he asked coldly. 

“No, sir…”

“Then what do you have in your hand?” he inquired, interrupting me. 

“It’s a suture kit, sir,” I replied. 

“A suture kit?” he questioned. 

“Yes, sir. I wanted to practise. It’s been so long since I’ve used my medical skills...I thought it wise to practise...sir,” I offered in explanation, holding out the kit for him to inspect. 

After several moments of silence, I shifted my gaze to his face. My discomfort only increased under the intensity of his stare, but I was unable to look away. His face was impassive, but there was something in his eyes. I couldn’t quite place what it was, but it caused the same fluttering sensation in my stomach as our previous encounter at the firing range. 

“I see,” he finally said, interrupting my thoughts. “Dismissed, Ensign.” 

I nodded stiffly and dropped my hand, promptly turning and making my way from the room. 

*******

I was surprised by the continued absence of Major Karan in the training room that afternoon and silently wondered what could be keeping her preoccupied for the entirety of the day. She was usually at least present for part of the day. I mentally shrugged it off and headed to the mats typically occupied by my little group. We were once again joined by Ragni and Nefret who both stood by awkwardly and quietly. 

“Nervous?” Jaxith asked me. 

“A little,” I admitted, chewing on my bottom lip as I stared at the empty mat. 

“How should we pair up?” Nefret asked. “I imagine you don’t want to fight Jaxith….”

I looked at the three of them and suddenly wished I’d inserted myself into Irie, Yuna and Nico’s group. After a moment of contemplation, I replied. “I think I’ll take my chances. After all, the last time we fought, you broke my ankle,” I said with a smile, teasing evident in my tone. 

“Fair enough,” she replied, returning my smile. “We’ll at least go first, though. Buy you a few more minutes…” 

With that, she and Ragni stepped onto the mat and faced off. Jaxith moved to stand closer to me. “Don’t worry. I’ll go easy on ya,” he said. 

I gave him a small smile before returning my attention to the skirmish in front of me. I continued to worry my lip as they fought, the anxiety for when my turn would come growing. I was so consumed by my thoughts that I hadn’t realised Ragni and Nefret had finished. I was pulled from my musings when I felt a hand on my shoulder. I turned my head in the direction of its owner and found Jaxith staring at me in concern. “I’m sorry, what?” I asked him. 

“I asked if you were ready,” he said, brow furrowing further with his concern. 

I turned my head in the direction of the mat and, upon finding it unoccupied, replied. “Yes. Yes, of course,” I said, shrugging him off and moving towards the mat. 

“Are you okay?” he asked as we faced each other. 

“I’m fine,” I lied, hoping my expression wouldn’t betray me. “Let’s just get this over with.” With that sentiment, I charged at Jaxith. I was grateful when, instead of attacking me back, he just blocked my hits. We both avoided any kicks, and I knew that he was taking it easy on me. After a while of me throwing punches and him blocking them, he began to slowly fight back. He was still taking it easy on me, but I was having to use my lower body more to block and avoid his attacks. He managed to land a rather half-hearted hit to my side, and instead of finishing me, he let me recover. Even though the hit hadn’t been a strong one and I knew he wouldn’t intentionally hurt me, the blow made me nervous. He went on the offensive again and I couldn’t help myself as I backed away from him. I hadn’t realised how close I was to the edge of the mat and I soon found myself off of it and stumbling over something behind me. My back hit something firm and two hands instinctively flew out, grabbing my arms to catch me. 

I tilted my head back to look at my saviour and was horrified to see the face of the General. I went to pull away from him, but his grip was too strong and I was in too awkward a position to gain any real traction. My feet were tangled with his and I was in a somewhat seated position, my head hitting at about his diaphragm. I could feel the flush of embarrassment on my face as we stared at each other, his infamous sneer in place. After several moments of uncomfortable silence, he helped me up and released me. I immediately turned and saluted him. “Sorry, sir,” I said, holding my salute and watching from the corner of my eye as he straightened his uniform. 

He looked back at me and our eyes met. “No harm done, Ensign,” he said after a very tense moment, and I released the breath I hadn’t realised I was holding. He continued to stare at me, and I bit my lip worriedly. I did not miss the way his eyes flickered down to my lips for a moment before returning to my eyes. I fully expected him to say something about my lip biting. “As you were,” he finally said before walking away to continue his rounds. I watched him as he walked away, still too flustered from everything to think straight. 

“Why don’t you guys take a break? Ragni and I will go,” Nefret said from somewhere behind me, bringing me back to the present. 

“Yeah. Okay,” I replied. Then, after a moment, I turned to look at them both. “Thank you,” I said, and I did not miss the reassuring nod she gave me. 

The rest of the afternoon passed quickly and uneventfully. Jaxith continued to take it easy on me, allowing me to practise throwing and blocking hits, neither one of us really going for it. We would do this until one of us got tired, usually me, and then we would switch off with Nefret and Ragni. We did this a couple more times before class was dismissed for the day. 

I made my way to the mess hall with the rest of the group for dinner, hanging back a bit to talk to Jaxith. “Sorry I freaked out on you,” I said, falling into step beside him. “I should have trusted you not to hurt me.”

“Hey, I get it,” he said, nudging my shoulder with his and smiling at me. “It was an instinctual response. Don’t worry about it.” 

“Well...thanks for taking it easy on me.”

“Of course, Evren. Anything for you.”

His response and the look in his eyes made me uncomfortable, so I picked up my pace and joined Irie and Yuna in front of me, anxious to get away from him. When we entered the mess hall, I intentionally pushed the awkward situation out of my mind, taking care to avoid sitting beside Jaxith. I was grateful when dinner ended reasonably quickly, and I parted ways with my friends just outside the mess hall, preferring the solitude of my room to the officers’ lounge. I quickly showered and dressed for bed, picking up my datapad to do some reading. I noticed the notification on the screen and accessed my messages. I was intrigued to find a message from Major Marfa waiting in my inbox. My intrigue quickly turned to excitement as I read her message, inviting me to assist her in the med bay on my next off day. I wasn’t sure why I was being invited now, and I wondered if Major Jían had said something to her after this morning. Whatever the reason I didn’t care. I would get to do something medical-related sooner than I had anticipated and, for that, I was elated.

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all so much for reading.  
> Reviews are always appreciated. Kudos are fantastic and I love interacting with you guys in the comments.  
> I would love to connect with you guys more. If you have any questions or comments, please feel free to drop them below.


	13. Stargazing

# Stargazing

* * *

#### 32 ABY - The Finalizer - 244Core System - The Unknown Regions

#### Evren, Day 37

_ I felt warm and safe. A strong arm was around my waist pulling me close, and another was holding my hand. I rested my head on a broad shoulder, my eyes closed, and felt our bodies swaying. Dancing. I was dancing. I didn’t know who I was dancing with, nor did I care. I just knew they were tall, much taller than me. After a little while, I realised I couldn’t hear anything. There was no music or animals or water or anything, not even the heartbeat I should be able to hear at such close proximity. The ground felt unsolid, shifting beneath my feet and I opened my eyes, realising I was on the beach on Vashka, before closing them again. The hand on my back was moved to be replaced at the nape of my neck, the other hand still holding my own. At the slight tug of my hair, I pulled my head away from where it rested and began tilting my head back to look at my companion. I smiled slightly when my eyes met General Hux’s. He continued to grip the nape of my neck firmly, his eyes roving over my face before he leaned down towards me. I stood on tiptoe to meet him for a rather passionate kiss.  _

*******

I startled awake, sitting up quickly and hitting my head on the underside of Nefret’s bed in the process. I rubbed my hand over the now tender spot and grabbed my chrono from the bedside shelf, checking the time: 0730. I leaned back, resting my back against the cool durasteel encasing my bed, and slipped my chrono on my wrist absentmindedly. I could not help but worry my lip as I thought about my dream. I had tried my hardest not to think about Hux in an unprofessional manner after that day at the firing range and had been mostly successful. I thought more about the dream, about dancing and Vashka, and realised this was the same dream I’d had after breaking my ankle. I decided to attribute them both to the painkillers. I had taken one of the leftover pills last night in my desire to sleep in this morning. It had worked, but I wasn’t sure if the romantic dreams involving the leader of the First Order were worth the extra hour or two of sleep. “ _ Never again _ ,” I thought decidedly in regards to the pain medication. 

I stood and started getting ready, slipping on a pair of leggings and a long-sleeved top before I made my way to breakfast. I wondered if any of my friends would be in the mess hall, and did a quick sweep of the room upon entering it. I felt both relief and disappointment at the lack of familiar faces. I made my way through the line, deciding on a bowl of porridge instead of my usual nutritive shake. I sat at my usual place and made a conscious effort to pace myself as I ate. I found myself wishing I’d brought my datapad so that I could do some reading while I ate. I glanced at my chrono when I’d finished and rolled my eyes when I realised I’d only managed to kill an hour of time. I still had four and a half hours until I was to report to the med bay to assist Major Marfa. 

I’d been disappointed upon reading her message last night instructing me to report at 1300. I was hoping to spend the entire day practising and studying medicine. I had to admit, though, I was glad to have gotten the opportunity to sleep in, but I wasn’t sure what to do with the rest of my morning. I put my tray away and grabbed another cup of caf before I exited the mess hall, deciding to head to Carice’s and Irie’s room. I knew Carice would be on duty, but I hoped that Irie might be there. 

I was disappointed when my call went unanswered and I decided to seek out Yuna; however, I received no answer at her door either. Sighing, I gave up and made my way back to my room. I sat my cup of caf down on the small desk and decided to reorganise my few possessions. I made quick work of the refresher and consciously slowed down as I worked on my closet, taking the time to refold each item. I carefully laid a uniform out across my bed to change into before reporting to the med bay. 

I glanced down at my chrono again: three more hours to go. I sat down at the desk to read, but gave up after a few minutes. I had too much energy to focus on the words in front of me, so I decided to take a walk instead. I set off, heading in no particular direction. I set an alarm on my chrono as I walked, ensuring I had plenty of time to change before I was due to report to the med bay. As I passed Yuna’s room, I wondered where she and Irie could be, but I shrugged it off as I entered the lift. 

I wandered for a while, unaware of the time. I did not know where I was going until I reached my destination, a viewport that was located at the end of a corridor just aft of the bridge. I had happened upon it on another walk and found myself a somewhat frequent visitor of it since. It was a rare occurrence in my daily schedule to be in a location with a viewport, and this place just so happened to be quiet as well. I wasn’t sure what was housed behind the couple of doors lining the corridor, but I’d yet to encounter anyone else in this seemingly isolated part of the ship. 

As I stared out into the inky blackness of space dotted with twinkling stars, I realised that I missed land and sky and water. I was growing tired of recycled air and grey durasteel as far as the eye could see. I leaned against the left side of the viewport, looking out of the transparisteel in a daze. I was so zoned out that I did not register the sound of approaching footsteps. 

“What do you think you’re doing here, Ensign Saeran?” the cold, clipped voice of General Hux asked from behind me. I couldn’t help but wince upon hearing his voice, and I cursed myself internally for being found by Hux. 

I stood up straight and slowly turned, fixing my sight on one of his shoulders as I saluted. “Taking a walk, sir,” I replied. I winced again at how meek my voice sounded and continued to avoid eye contact. 

“But why are you here?” he asked again. 

I chewed my lip as I thought about my answer, trying to decide if I should tell the General of the First Order that I was tired of staring at the inside of his ship. I decided on my answer, already dreading his response as I replied, “the viewport, sir.”

“The viewport?” he questioned me with something akin to incredulity apparent in his tone. 

“Yes, sir…” I paused for a moment before continuing, “I enjoy looking at something other than durasteel. Sir.” I bit my lip nervously and hoped that he would not mistake my candor for impertinence. 

“So...you enjoy stargazing,” he stated after a rather tense moment of silence. 

Surprised by his reaction, I chanced a glance at him and was further surprised to find a small smirk on his face. Caught off guard by his response, I replied, “Yes, sir. I suppose so, sir.” I returned my gaze to his shoulder and silently cursed myself again, certain that I’d made a fool of myself. I waited for what was to come and was confused when he moved to stand beside me. 

“At ease,” he said softly. 

I slowly dropped my salute and turned to stare out of the viewport again. I was incredibly aware of how closely General Hux was standing beside me and I did my best to avoid shifting uncomfortably. I was unable to hide the blush that coloured my cheeks as I remembered my dream, and I suddenly wished I was anywhere but here. 

“It is beautiful, isn’t it?” he said as a statement, rather than a question. Further disarmed by his behaviour, I looked at him, and my eyes met his. I thought about my dream again, imagining what his lips would feel like on mine, and I quickly turned my attention back to the viewport, glad that my hair was down to conceal my flushed face. We stood in silence for several moments before he spoke again. “Ensign,” he said, addressing me. 

I turned my head to look at him again and felt a shiver run through my spine under the intensity of his stare. He opened his mouth to speak, but before he could the alarm on my chrono went off. I quickly turned it off before looking back up at him. “Sorry, sir,” I said. 

“No need to apologise, Officer. Time to report to the medical bay?” he asked, turning to look out the viewport again. 

“Yes, sir,” I replied, still studying him. 

He nodded once before saying, “Dismissed.” 

“Yes, sir. Thank you, sir,” I said, giving him a quick salute before making my way from the corridor and back to my room. I noticed the Stormtroopers now standing guard at the end of the hall and dipped my head a bit, embarrassed, as I passed them. I was both relieved and confused that I had escaped any kind of punishment or reprimand at being found by General Hux. Of course, I had no idea where I had been found, but I was certain it was above my clearance level if Hux’s sudden appearance was any indication. I changed quickly upon reaching my room, trading my casual wear for the stiff First Order uniform, and twisted my hair up into a regulation bun as I made my way to the med bay. 

When I entered the med bay, I couldn’t help the smile that spread across my face upon seeing Major Marfa sitting behind the reception desk. She jumped up, beaming enthusiastically upon seeing me. I stood to attention, saluting seamlessly as she rounded the desk.

“I trust you enjoyed your morning,” she said while simultaneously motioning for me to be at ease.

“I did. Thank you, Major,” I lied. 

“Come,” she said, looping her arm through mine familiarly, still smiling. “We just had a Trooper come in with a dislocated shoulder. Training accident,” she added in explanation, guiding me further into the med bay. “I thought you might want to set it. He’s in here,” she said, handing me a datapad with imaging pulled up as she pulled back the curtain to one of the triage rooms. The Stormtrooper sitting at the foot of the bed jumped up and quickly saluted upon seeing us. “I’ll leave you to it,” Marfa said with a reassuring squeeze to my forearm before she made her way back to the front of the med bay. 

“At ease,” I said as I stepped into the small room. “Please, be seated.” I moved to stand closer to the Trooper, surprised by his apparent youth. “My name is Ensign Saeran, and I’m going to have a look at your arm.”

“Yes, sir,” he replied, eyes straight ahead. 

I examined his shoulder, palpating it, and was perturbed by his lack of response to something I was sure had to be painful. “What is your name, soldier?” I asked as I placed his arm at a ninety degree angle and began to slowly rotate it externally. 

“CR-0821, sir,” he said, face still void of all emotion. 

“And what happened, CR-0821?” I asked, continuing to slowly rotate his arm outward. 

“Training accident, sir.”

I rolled my eyes at his response, glad that he was unable to see my face from where I stood. “But what exactly happened?” I pressed again. 

“Close combat training. My opponent caught me by the arm as I fell, sir.” 

“I’m quite familiar with close combat injuries myself,” I said as I pulled up on his wrist slightly before rotating his arm internally, feeling the humeral head slip into place. “How does that feel?” I asked, moving to stand in front of the Trooper. 

“Better,” he said, moving it gingerly. “Thank you, Ensign,” he added, his eyes meeting mine for the first time. 

I gave him a small smile before grabbing the sling, which I assumed Marfa had left for me. “You still need to take it easy. I’m going to immobilize your shoulder. You may remove the sling for showering, changing and the like, but, otherwise, I want you to keep it on. And we’ll want to see you back in about three weeks to see how you’re healing.”

“Yes, sir. Thank you, sir,” he said as he stood and saluted me abruptly. 

“You’re dismissed, CR-0821,” I said, exiting the room ahead of him and making my way back to reception to where Marfa was waiting. 

“Well?” Marfa asked as I sat down beside her. 

“It feels so good to practise medicine again,” I said, unable to hide my relief at having successfully relocated a dislocated shoulder after not having practised medicine for so long. 

“Good,” she said, beaming at me once again. “I have to admit,” she said, brow furrowed, “I was surprised when I received the request from General Hux. Usually recruits aren’t allowed to practise medicine at all until they’ve completed their officers’ training.” I stared at her, dumbfounded. After a moment, she spoke again. “I’ll show you how we write up reports,” she said, sliding her datapad in front of me. 

The remainder of the afternoon was much less exciting. No one else entered the med bay, and, although I had no desire to see anyone injured or ill, I was anxious to utilise more of my skills. Instead of healing, I spent the afternoon studying reports, stocking supplies and familiarising myself with the layout of the med bay. Basically, I did whatever I could to keep my mind occupied and away from thoughts of General Hux. 

I was surprisingly relieved when 1900 finally arrived and I graciously thanked Major Marfa before making my way to the mess hall for dinner. Alone with my thoughts as I made my way through the Star Destroyer, I finally puzzled over Hux’s behaviour. Why had he been so lenient with me earlier? Dare I say kind? And why had he requested Marfa train me on my off days? I had clearly assumed wrongly that it had been Major Jían who had suggested the idea after I’d gone to him for sutures when it had been Hux all along. And, furthermore, why was I dreaming about, thinking about, kissing him? 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the late post, you guys.  
> I live in Nashville and have AT&T as my phone and Internet service provider, so I have had no connection since the bombing Christmas morning. It’s still very sporadic, but I was able to finally get this up for you guys.  
> I hope you enjoyed it and I hope you all had a Merry Christmas (or whatever December holiday you may celebrate.)  
> As always, your feedback is greatly appreciated. I love hearing from you guys, so drop a Kudos or leave a comment if you can/want.


	14. Absence

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy First Order Friday and Happy New Year!

# Absence

* * *

#### 32 ABY - The Finalizer - 244Core System - The Unknown Regions

#### Evren, Day 40

I was surprised when class began with no Hux. He had never been absent, and the lack of his presence sent a ripple of unease throughout the room. Captain Loic, however, appeared to be unphased by the General’s absence as he commenced with the instruction for the day. I found it difficult to concentrate as I pondered all the possibilities for Hux’s absenteeism. I grew increasingly restless as my thoughts turned darker, including imminent war with the New Republic or that the General had suffered some kind of injury. I was embarrassed to admit that the latter concerned me the most. I was glad when class was dismissed, and I made my way to the mess hall in quiet contemplation. An uneasy silence settled over my group of friends as we sat in our usual seats for lunch. 

“I wonder where General Hux is,” Yuna wondered aloud. 

“Do you think Carice will know?” Irie asked, looking between Nico and me. I simply shrugged my shoulders in reply, not missing how Nico failed to answer her question as well. 

“Carice has to know… doesn’t she?” Jaxith asked, looking at me pointedly. I shrugged again, taking a long sip of my shake. 

“On the bright side, he’s not around to reprimand us all day. That should make you happy, Evren,” Nico said from my right. 

“Hey… I resent that,” I said with mock offence before adding, “Besides, I’m sure the General will join us this afternoon.” 

We settled into comfortable conversation after that and lunch was soon over. My unease began to build again as we neared the training rooms, and I became anxious as I wondered what kind of mood General Hux might be in this afternoon. I knew it depended largely on whatever had kept him this morning, and I only hoped that whatever it was wasn’t bad. I quickly found my preferred spot in formation, hiding myself as best I could in the third row. I stood alert, avoiding any conversation in order to avoid garnering Hux’s ire. The room grew quiet and everyone found their spot in line just before time for class to start. 

I was once again surprised when Captain Loic entered the room sans General Hux. 

I swallowed thickly and worried my lip when I noticed the Trooper who stood at a formidable height and wore chrome armour accompanying Loic. I, of course, recognised Captain Phasma from the propaganda posters and was suddenly very intimidated. I had never before encountered Phasma and I wondered what she was doing here. I did not have to wonder for long. 

“Today we will be training you on how to engage in combat using weapons. Captain Phasma has agreed to assist,” Loic said, addressing the towering Trooper. I resisted the urge to roll my eyes at his statement, knowing that if Hux commanded it, Captain Phasma could not possibly deny him. “You all would do well to listen to the Captain’s instruction,” Loic continued. “Her knowledge and experience with this form of combat are vast. Captain…” he said, stepping to the side to give her the floor. 

She stepped up and paused, seemingly observing us all, though it was hard to tell with the helmet she wore. “We will begin with the electroprod,” she said. She spoke with the same clipped accent as General Hux, and I found myself even more intimidated by this similarity. No one moved as we waited for her to say more, and, after a rather pregnant pause, she spoke again. “What are you all waiting for? Collect your weapons and join your groups.” Agitation was apparent in her voice. 

I took my time getting an electroprod, dreading the rest of the afternoon and what this meant for the remainder of officers’ training simultaneously. I instantly regretted my decision to dawdle when I was stuck in a group with Ragni, Nefret and Jaxith again. We all stood around awkwardly, waiting on instructions from Phasma. 

“You may begin,” was all she said after everyone had collected their electroprods and were standing at their respective mats. 

I instantly felt the panic rise within me and I did not try to hide it as I turned to look at my group. “I… I don’t know what I’m doing. I don’t know how to use this.”

“It’s okay,” Jaxith said, putting a comforting hand on my shoulder. “We’ll show you. Won’t we?” he asked as he turned his head to address Nefret and Ragni. 

“Of course,” Ragni replied simply.

“If it makes you feel any better, we don’t have much more training with these than you do,” Nefret said, motioning with the electroprod as she spoke. I swallowed thickly, still panicking but trying not to show it. 

“Why don’t you guys go first,” Jaxith said to Nefret and Ragni. “I can explain what’s happening to you and point out techniques,” he said with a slight squeeze of my upper arm. I only nodded, unable to speak for fear of my voice cracking. 

Nefret and Ragni stepped onto the mat and faced each other, activating their electroprods at the same time. I jumped slightly as the sound of buzzing began to fill the room, reminding me of the incident with Commander Ren. I was unable to hide my horror as realisation dawned on me. “They’re active?” I asked Jaxith. 

“Of course they are,” he replied. 

“And we’re expected to spar with them active?” I asked again. 

“Yes…” he said, drawing the word out. “They’re turned down, so they’re not as strong as they would be in a real combat situation, but pain is an excellent teacher. If you don’t want to get hurt, get shocked, you learn how to defend yourself. How to win.” 

I chewed my bottom lip punishingly as I watched Ragni and Nefret spar. I found myself incapable of tearing my eyes away from them as Jaxith explained different positions and strategies to me, wincing each time one of them got close to stunning the other. Nefret finally caught Ragni in the calf with the electroprod, the shock rendering her helpless to defend herself from what would be the final blow. 

We waited a moment for her to recover, and I was further disheartened as I watched Nefret help her limp her way off the mat. I hesitated a moment before I resigned myself to follow Jaxith onto the mat. 

“Are you ready?” he asked as he took his place across from me. I could only nod in reply. He switched on his electroprod and I frantically looked to mine. I realised I had no idea how to activate it. Jaxith opened his mouth to speak, but was cut off. 

“Let her figure it out for herself. She may not always have access to weapons she is familiar with, so she must be able to either figure them out or improvise,” Captain Phasma said from my left. I turned to look at her with wide eyes, my heartbeat quickening from the adrenaline. “You may begin.” 

I turned my wide-eyed gaze to Jaxith and did not miss the apologetic look on his face. He hesitated a moment before he went on the offense. I blocked his hits, trying to figure out how to activate the electroprod in between his attacks, but it was not long before he caught me on my left side with the end of the staff. My body went rigid as the volts went through my body and I collapsed on the floor in a heap. 

By my next turn, I had figured out how to turn on the electroprod, but Jaxith still beat me. I was hesitant to feel that pain again and stepped off the mat to get away from him, which only earned me a reprimand from Phasma about cowardice. Jaxith continued to gain the upper hand, leaving me with shocks to my right hip and thigh area and my abdomen. During our last skirmish, my electroprod had fallen on top of me, shocking my right arm. I left training that night more famished and tired than I’d ever been before. I limped my way to the mess hall, alongside Irie and Yuna who had both found themselves on the receiving end of the electroprod during the course of the afternoon. I grabbed some porridge and water and practically collapsed into my usual seat across from Carice. 

“You guys look like hell,” she said as we sat down. 

“We used electroprods in training today,” Nico said from beside her. 

“Ahh, I see…” was all she said in reply before taking a sip of her nutritive shake. I followed her gaze as it drifted to my right arm, noting the electrical burn and slight bruising that adorned my bicep. I very much dreaded seeing how the rest of my body looked. I ate sluggishly, both my mind and body numb with exhaustion. I finally realised that, probably for the first time, my comrades were all silent, and I was grateful to not have to pretend to listen to or engage in their conversation. 

“Commander Ren left today. On some mission,” Carice said, finally breaking the silence. 

“Do we know how long he’ll be gone?” Jaxith asked. As my opponent, he was the only one out of our group who had not been on the receiving end of an electroprod during training and, therefore, had the most stamina remaining. 

“Unfortunately no,” Carice replied simply. 

“Do you know where the General was today?” he queried. 

“General Hux?” Carice asked, confusion evident in her tone. I could not help but glance up at her response. 

“Yes, of course General Hux,” Jaxith said sarcastically. 

“I don’t know. I would have assumed conducting officers’ training. I’ve not heard anything to the contrary,” she replied with a furrowed brow. 

Silence settled over us all again, and I soon decided that I’d had enough. I stood slowly and returned my tray without saying a word to my friends. I grew even more weary on the journey to my room, puzzling over Hux’s mysterious absence from the day as I walked. I had assumed that Carice would have heard something on the bridge or from a fellow officer. The fact that she had no news only caused me to worry more, my thoughts returning to impending war or that some ailment or injury had befallen him. 

I was glad when I reached my room to find it empty. Immediately, I entered the refresher and turned on the shower. I slowly stripped off my training clothes and took the opportunity to examine myself in the mirror as I waited for the water to warm up, taking note of each electrical burn and its surrounding bruising. I prolonged my shower, revelling in the warmth of the almost scalding water on my body. I applied bacta to my injuries, grateful for having snatched a tube from the med bay when I’d gotten a chance, before donning pajamas and crawling into bed. Nefret entered the refresher almost immediately upon my exiting it, and the last thing I heard before I drifted off to sleep was the sound of the shower turning on. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading. Comments and kudos are always very much appreciated. Your kindness makes my day. 
> 
> I had such a difficult time writing this chapter, probably because there’s no interaction with Hux, but absence makes the heart grow fonder... or so they say.


	15. Just to See You Smile

# Just to See You Smile

* * *

#### 32 ABY - The Finalizer - 244Core System - The Unknown Regions

#### Hux, Day 40

I made my way to the hangar, the corridors mostly vacant due to the early morning hour. I was relieved to not be bombarded by twitchy Troopers or over eager officers at this ungodly hour. I entered the hangar and noted Major Karan diligently waiting at the base of the shuttle, datapad in one hand and a cup of caf in the other. I had been expecting Karan, but I was surprised to see Captain Phasma standing there as well. I had spoken with Phasma the night before, going over her plans for working with my officers. I knew Phasma to be ruthless, but her methods were effective. I had briefly considered asking her to look after one officer in particular, but had ultimately decided against it. Of course, Phasma had proven her loyalty to me several years ago when I’d consulted with her regarding the assassination of the late General Hux, but I wanted to keep any plans or desires I had for Evren to myself. For now. 

“Captain,” I said, addressing her with a nod of my head as I reached for the proffered datapad waiting in Major Karan’s hand.

“General,” she replied, her nod an imitation of my own, before she continued. “I came to wish you luck on your endeavours today, and to assure you that your officers will be well trained this afternoon in your absence.” 

“Thank you, Captain,” I said, turning my attention to the datapad in my hands as a dismissal. I made my way up the ramp into the Upsilon- class command shuttle, Major Karan on my heels, without taking my eyes from the itinerary in front of me. 

“Here you are, sir,” Karan said once we were inside the shuttle, handing me the cup of caf in her hand. I took it from her without a word, sipping the hot beverage as I made my way to my preferred command chair. I did not look up from the datapad as I sat, still sipping my caf. 

“We’re all ready,” Vella said, addressing the pilot as she sat in the command chair opposite mine. 

“Yes, sir,” he replied before beginning the pre-flight sequence. I sat my caf down and accessed Colonel Bloodfil’s latest report on the mining of 244Core’s ore, settling in to read it again. 

I found myself distracted, having difficulty focusing on the words as I thought about one officer in particular. I could not help but wonder, and worry, how Evren would fare with weapon training. I knew her to be accident prone, not at all athletic and wholly uncoordinated, and I only hoped that she would not end the day in the medical bay. I felt my ire grow as I thought about her, angry that I would not be there to oversee her training and ensure her safety. I resisted the urge to access her personnel file for the sole purpose of staring at her picture, knowing that I had no real reason to do so and worried that Vella might see. I took another sip of caf and refocused on the report in front of me. 

Luckily, we were soon landing and I no longer had to fight to maintain focus. A line of Stormtroopers stood at attention on either side of the ramp with Bloodfil waiting at the end of the lines. I walked between the lines with disinterest, keeping my attention straight ahead. Major Karan followed behind me with the datapad in hand. 

“General Hux, sir. It’s an honour to have you here, sir,” Bloodfil said, saluting as I approached. 

“At ease, Colonel,” I replied icily, annoyed by the necessity of the trip which was due in large part to this man’s incompetence. 

“It would be a privilege to show you around, sir. If you’ll follow me,” he said, still completely unaware of my scathing opinion of him. I knew my reputation preceded me, as it should as General of the First Order, and I could tell that the Colonel was trying ardently to gain my approval. Unbeknownst to him there was very little hope for his redemption, but it would soon become apparent. 

As we followed Colonel Bloodfil on his tour, I was aware of how valuable Vella’s presence was. She had served in the role of my assistant for several years, and, as such, knew me better than most. She could oftentimes subvert conversations that proved tiresome and unnecessary, and I found myself putting as much trust in her as I did in Phasma. They both knew things about me, secrets, that no one else knew, but not one person knew it all. I thought of Evren briefly, and consciously pushed all thoughts of her aside, focusing on Bloodfil as he spoke. 

We passed officers and Troopers alike as we proceeded through the operation, all of them standing to attention as we passed by. The thrill in the air at my presence was palpable and, as always, I found myself intoxicated by the feeling of power. Outwardly I remained cool and stoic. 

Colonel Bloodfil stepped aside when we reached the conference room, allowing Major Karan and me to enter first. I made my way to stand at the head of the table, Vella taking the seat to my right. I waited for Bloodfil to take his seat, not missing the nervousness in his posture as he sat to my left. 

“I trust you know why I am here, Colonel Bloodfil,” I said, crossing my arms behind my back as I addressed him. “You have failed to negotiate acceptable terms for the mining of this planet’s ore, so much so that I now have to step in.” 

“Yes, sir. I’m sorry, si…” 

“Major Karan and I have studied your reports and are up to speed,” I cut him off, annoyed that he had spoken out of turn. “If there is anything more you wish to add, you may do so at this time.” I paused, waiting for him to speak. After a moment of silence, I began again, “You will accompany Major Karan and I to a meeting with the leaders of the mining guild later this morning. You will observe how the First Order conducts negotiations, and you will learn how to succeed where you have failed thus far. If you fail again you will be stripped of your rank and sent to reconditioning.” I paused again, giving him the opportunity to respond. 

After a rather pregnant pause, he spoke. “Yes...yes, sir. Thank you, sir,” he stammered. His face remained impassive, but I could read the fear and indignation in his eyes. 

“Major…” I said, addressing Karan. I stepped away from the table as she began to go over the details of the reports and our plan with Bloodfil, preferring to stare out the window than participate in any more conversation with this witless man. I glanced at my chrono: 0730. There were still three hours until our meeting with the guild. 

*******

  
The negotiations with the mining guild had taken longer than expected, extending into the early afternoon. Vella and I had departed for the _Finalizer_ immediately upon the conclusion, and I had taken a late lunch in my office. I briefly debated attending officers training, but decided against interrupting the class. Instead I settled in to read reports. I always managed to fall behind whenever I personally oversaw training, which was why I rarely did so. 

I spent the afternoon reviewing reports, signing off on some and sending missives on others. It was several hours later when the communicator on my desk chimed, and I could not help but quirk a brow at having gone uninterrupted for so long. I sat up straighter before answering. “Yes?” I asked simply, a trace of annoyance in my voice. 

“Sir, the Supreme Leader wishes to speak with you.” 

“I’ll be there shortly,” I said, turning off the communicator before standing. I glanced at my chrono as I walked, noting class would be dismissed soon. I could not help but think of Evren, and I wondered how she had fared today. I made a mental note to check for any reports from the medical bay before pushing all thoughts of her from my mind. I most certainly did not want Leader Snoke seeing her, or my interest in her, in my mind. 

My meeting with Snoke was relatively short; he had merely sought an update on the progress of the mining of 244Core and the construction of Starkiller. I pondered his parting words as I made my way back to my office, already strategising how best to execute our plans. I rounded the corner, entering the corridor that housed my office, and was immediately disappointed to find it empty. It had remained empty every night since I’d found Evren gazing out the viewport, but that still did not stop me from hoping to find her there each time I entered the hall. 

I walked past the door to my office and stopped just in front of the viewport, staring out at the expanse of space without really seeing it. I thought about that night. I’d been surprised to find her standing there, pleasantly so, of course. I’d wondered if she knew where she was, but quickly determined she did not based on her reaction to my presence. I had been disarmed when I saw her standing there in casual clothes with her hair down, and I felt desire build within me now as I thought about the blush that had coloured her cheeks when our eyes met and the way she’d bit her lip after she’d given me an impertinent answer. I had fought the urge to kiss her and I’d come very close to telling her of my interest in her, but the moment had been interrupted when the alarm on her chrono went off. 

I shifted uncomfortably due to the tightness in the front of my pants and took one last look at the stars before I retired to my office. I shrugged off my greatcoat, draping it carefully over the back of my chair before pouring myself a glass of Tevraki whiskey. I sat down and picked up my datapad before leaning back in my chair to read through more reports. I nursed my drink as I read, satisfied to not see Evren’s name on the reports from the medical bay for the day. 

Having completed the renegotiation of terms concerning the mining of 244Core’s ore, I decided it was time to return to Starkiller to oversee its construction. I did not trust Colonel Bloodfil to handle things should anything go wrong, so I sent a message to Major Karan. I instructed her to send orders to General Pryde to oversee Colonel Bloodfil’s efforts and the continued mining of 244Core. I was certain the commander of the _Steadfast_ and his crew could handle the operations. 

I placed my datapad down and leaned back, closing my eyes as I took a sip of my whiskey. I smirked proudly to myself as I thought once again of what Evren had said to me in the corridor, “ _I enjoy looking at something other than durasteel_.” Living aboard a starship was indeed very different to the life she was familiar with and I knew she must miss being planetside. I remembered the way she had smiled the day she’d gotten that cumbersome boot removed. I wanted to see her smile like that again, to be the one to make her smile like that, and I was pleased that I might soon get the opportunity to.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks so much for reading. I appreciate it more than you guys know. As always, kudos and comments are very much welcomed and encouraged. It makes me so happy to know that you guys are enjoying this and I’m not just writing it for myself. 
> 
> I’m thinking about including a fun/interesting/informative fact at the end of each chapter from now on. Tell me what you guys think...do you love it? Do you hate it? 
> 
> For our first fun fact, I do research when I name my original characters. I like for their names to have meaning while also being appropriate for whatever universe they’re in. With that being said, according to BabyNames.com _**Evren**_ means “The Universe, Cosmos.” It might be important later... 😉


	16. Concupiscence

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It’s First Order Friday!   
> We are finally going to earn our “explicit” rating with this chapter.  
> You have been warned, or enjoy. It just depends on your point of view.

# Concupiscence

* * *

#### 32 ABY - The Finalizer - 244Core System - The Unknown Regions

#### Hux, Day 51 

I stared at myself in the mirror as I painstakingly dragged the razor up my neck and over my jaw. I was known for being meticulous and that was true for all aspects of my life. I finished, applying my Homogoni scented aftershave before styling my hair in its typical coiffure. I donned the remainder of my uniform and checked myself in the mirror, correcting any imperfections in my appearance. I exited the refresher and made my way to my private sitting area, pulling on my gloves and greatcoat before I exited my quarters. 

I stopped by the bridge on the way to my office to speak briefly with Captain Tammis. Upon reaching the corridor, I was unable to stop myself from glancing to the end of it expectantly, hoping to see Evren even though I knew she would likely be getting ready for class. I was relieved upon reaching my office to find Vella waiting with a cup of caf in hand. I gave a brusque “at ease” and took both the caf and datapad she offered before I rounded my desk, taking a sip of the hot liquid as I sat down. 

“Report,” I said without looking up from the datapad in my hands. I listened quietly, scrolling through messages as she updated me on any new events as well as the progress of the First Order’s ventures. 

“The _Steadfast_ is expected in the system this afternoon, sir,” she finished. 

“Very good. We shall depart for Starkiller tonight.” I paused as I read a missive from a Colonel aboard the _Supremacy_. “Send the orders to the commanders. I’ll be on the bridge after class, Major. And send word to Base that we shall be arriving in the morning. I expect them to be ready.” I watched from my periphery as Karan typed furiously on her datapad, executing my commands while I spoke. I glanced at my chrono before speaking again. “Shall we head to the training facilities, Major,” I said as a statement rather than a question. 

“Yes, sir,” she replied, still working on her datapad. 

I stood and grabbed the cup of caf from my desk, handing my datapad to Karan. I walked towards the training rooms, sipping my caf, with Major Karan behind me. I ignored the officers and Troopers who saluted me on my way. We approached the door to the mock data terminals and I found myself suddenly face-to-face with Evren. I noted that she was with the group of officers she always seemed to be with and felt the increasingly familiar pang of jealousy at seeing her associating with two men. 

She’d been looking over her shoulder, talking to one of the male officers as she walked and had nearly run into me. I tried to hide my amusement at the look of wide-eyed mortification on her face as she stared up at me, but I was unable to stop myself from smirking at her clumsy salute. 

“Gen...General Hux. Sir. I’m...I am so sorry. Sir,” she stammered, chewing her bottom lip nervously as she finished. Her flushed cheeks, flustered appearance, and the way she bit her lip was enough to drive me mad, and I suddenly imagined her beneath me looking like that. 

I realised that I’d been staring at her for longer than was appropriate, and I swallowed thickly before speaking. “You should be more careful, Ensign,” I said, staring intensely into her eyes. “At ease,” I said after another tense moment, addressing them all but still not taking my eyes from hers. I studied her a moment longer before I turned and entered the room, purposefully ignoring where I knew she’d be sitting. Captain Loic saluted as I approached, and I silently motioned for him to be at ease before turning to face the room. I stood silently as he addressed the class, giving the typical introductory speech, and tried to rid myself of my continued concupiscent thoughts regarding Evren. I was relieved when he finished and I could circle the room, focusing my attention on the various officers and their data processing skills. 

The morning was soon over and I found myself entering the training room flanked by both Major Karan and Captain Phasma. Phasma had been assisting with weapons training, and I was rather impressed with her ability to teach my officers. Of course, I’d had no doubts, but she had already managed to greatly improve the weaponry skills of a group with little to no experience with anything other than blasters. 

I found myself observing Evren more closely at every possible opportunity with each passing day. More and more I wanted to protect her, to ensure that she remained relatively unharmed, but also to be sure that she was improving. I knew that no matter how hard I tried, in war, I would not always be around to guarantee her safety. I needed her to be able to defend herself, and I needed to know that she was capable of doing so. 

I had not missed the bruising and small electrical burn on her right arm the day following Phasma’s initial session, and I had to roll my eyes when I’d read that she had not even known how to turn the electroprod on during her first match. As I watched her now, I was pleased with her improvement. She twirled her electroprod in a manner that was eerily reminiscent of the way Ren wielded his saber, blocking a hit from Officer Cosmin. He pushed against her, his height giving him the advantage as he attacked from above. She held the electroprod in both hands above her head, locked against Cosmin’s. Pieces of hair fell around her face and her bun hung loosely, halfway undone down her back. Her face was determined and I did not miss the fire that burned in her eyes. Her arms began to shake from the effort, and I could tell that she was trying to think of a way out, watching as she tried to reposition herself to land a kick. The determination on her face quickly turned to panic as her arms gave way. She turned her head as she tried to move away, but Cosmin’s electroprod caught her at the point where her neck connected with her shoulder and she went rigid before collapsing. In her attempted escape; however, Evren’s electroprod had been positioned in such a way that it caught Officer Cosmin in the leg as she went down, delivering the same electrical shock to him and knocking him down. Amused, I made my way closer to stand over the pair. 

“Defeating your opponent is only beneficial if you do not end up wounded or dead in the process,” I said coolly, addressing Officer Cosmin. He stood up slowly, clearly reeling from the shock. 

“Yes, Sir,” he replied with a slightly shaky salute. I disregarded him and looked down at Evren, who remained on the ground. She was lying on her back with her head at my feet and looking up at me with parted lips, panting slightly from the fight. I took in her disheveled appearance, the over exaggerated rise and fall of her chest, and once again revisited my lustful thoughts from that morning. She made no effort to move from her position on the floor and I smirked at her, unable to contain my amusement any longer, before walking off to observe another skirmish. 

Class was soon over and I stood in the center of the room, addressing the officers where they stood. “We will be arriving at Starkiller Base tomorrow. You will continue your training on Base for the foreseeable future. Major Karan will provide you with additional details this evening. Be ready to depart in the morning. Dismissed,” I said, exiting abruptly to make my way to the bridge with Phasma at my side and Karan on our heels. I offered little comment as they discussed the officers’ progress as we walked. 

“Ensign Saeran is much improved. She won one of the matches and put up a valiant effort during the other three,” Karan said. 

“Yes… much better than not knowing how to operate an electroprod,” Phasma replied sardonically. “I suppose one out of four is better than nothing,” she added after a moment. 

“Indeed,” was all I said in reply. I knew that Evren would require a lot more training if she were to ever need to successfully defend herself. 

I quickly put any thoughts of Evren out of my mind as we entered the bridge. I crossed to the viewport, not sparing a glance to the officers around me but incredibly aware of the effect my sudden appearance had on them all. Captain Peavey saluted as I approached. “At ease,” I said, coming to stand beside him. 

“The _Steadfast_ is expected within the next thirty minutes, Sir,” he said. 

“Very well. And how are operations, Captain?” I had not yet had a chance to read through any reports from the bridge since lunch, and, for the sake of killing time, I decided to ask. 

“Quiet. Everything is as expected, General Hux,” Peavey replied simply. I knew the man disliked me. It was fairly apparent. Many of the veterans of the Empire disliked me, thinking I had gained my position through nepotism rather than by my own merit. The success of Starkiller would show them, and they would no longer be able to discredit me. 

I stared out the viewport with my hands crossed behind my back, listening to the officers on the bridge as they prepared for the arrival of the _Steadfast_. The proximity alert began to sound and I watched as the Star Destroyer came out of hyperspace, appearing suddenly in orbit above 244Core. 

“I’ll be in my chambers,” I announced to both Captain Peavey and Major Karan before swiftly exiting the bridge. 

I entered my quarters and removed my tunic and gloves before pouring myself a couple fingers of whiskey and sitting down. I took a sip of my drink and leaned my head back, closing my eyes and rotating my neck in an attempt to release any tension from the day. I took a deep breath and huffed it out before picking up my datapad from the table beside my chair. I began by reading through reports from the medical bay out of habit, making sure that Evren had not needed to seek treatment for any of her injuries. I thought of the electrical burn at the base of her neck, peeking out from under her standard issue athletic wear, and I had the sudden desire to sink my teeth into and run my tongue over the same spot. I remembered how she’d looked in the corridor and lying at my feet- flustered, subservient, and my longing for her only grew. 

I felt the increasingly familiar constriction in the front of my pants, and I briefly debated what I should do. Growing up, I had been discouraged from giving into sexual desire. Brendol had instilled in me that only a weak man gave into his urges and he was not a weak man. Of course, as I grew older I realised the hypocrisy of that statement. Still, I found myself recalling that lesson whenever I felt the impulse to give into my desires, but, thinking of Evren, my will began to crumble. 

I took another long sip of my whiskey before I placed it and my datapad aside. I leaned back in my chair and unfastened my pants, releasing myself from their confines. I sighed at the contact of my hand, closing my eyes and resting my head on the back of the chair as I began to slowly stroke myself. I thought of Evren; the way she bit her bottom lip, the way her body had felt against mine all those weeks ago at the firing range and I was suddenly reminded of her intoxicating scent. I tightened my grip and picked up my pace slightly as I imagined what it would be like to be with her, to feel her. I pictured her beneath me, rosy-cheeked and flustered with her dark hair falling around her face, just as I had this morning. I felt my orgasm beginning to build and I, once again, adjusted my speed. I wondered what she would sound like and was imagining her calling my name when I was interrupted by the sound of someone requesting entry at my door. 

I stopped my ministrations and tucked myself away, taking a moment to correct my appearance before making my way to the door. I aggressively hit the button to open the door and was greeted by a jittery Lieutenant Mitaka. 

“This had better be important,” I shouted at the young officer. 

“Major Karan sent me with some documents for you to sign,” he replied sheepishly, face devoid of any and all bravery after my outburst. 

“And this couldn’t have waited? Or been done digitally?” I asked, shouting again. 

“I… I’m sorry, Sir,” he said quietly, not meeting my gaze. 

I snatched the stack of folders from his hands before closing the door in his face. I made my way back to the sitting area, throwing the folders down harshly on the low table in front of my chair before I sat. I pinched the bridge of my nose out of frustration, noticing my abandoned glass of whiskey. I picked it up and took another long sip, shifting uncomfortably before I settled in to review the documents, abandoning my prior self indulgence for the moment. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading! As always, kudos and comments are greatly appreciated. I love hearing what you guys think. 
> 
> I want to give a shout out to one of my guy friends. He has been supportive of this story from the beginning and had to answer some very invasive questions about male masturbation and the male orgasm in order to help me get that bit right. So, you da real MVP, friend. 
> 
> Fun Fact: I based Hux’s scent on the Ocean Driftwood candle from Bath and Body Works. It is a summer scent, but their Mahogany Teakwood scent is similar. Based on that, I looked up types of wood in the Star Wars universe and found “Homogoni”, which sounds very similar to “mahogany”. So, I ran with it.  
> Evren’s scent is based on My Burberry Eau de Parfum. It is a floral scent but with a muskiness to it, so not overly sweet and feminine.


	17. Implications

# Implications

* * *

#### 32 ABY - The _Finalizer_ \- Starkiller Base - The Unknown Regions

#### Evren, Day 52

I stood amongst my peers as we waited for our turn to board the shuttle that would transport us to Starkiller Base. Our goodbyes to Carice had taken entirely too long, causing us to be at the back of the line. I shifted anxiously and readjusted my grip on my luggage. 

“It’s too bad Carice didn’t get reassigned. In addition to missing her company, I’m dreading meeting my new roommate,” Irie said from where she stood in front of me. 

“It can’t be as bad as Evren’s situation was at first,” Yuna replied. “Maybe we’ll have our own rooms. I mean it’s probably big enough,” she finished with a shrug. 

“There’s no way we’ll have our own rooms. We’re the lowest of the low when it comes to officers,” Irie said with a scoff. 

I noticed the way Yuma’s shoulders sagged slightly at Irie’s scathing reply, so I decided to interject. “Maybe you’ll get lucky and get to room with each other. You are both losing your roommates after all…” I said, letting my thoughts trail off as we approached the shuttle. 

Irie and Yuna made their way up the ramp in front of me, saluting the officer who stood at the top. I began to follow them, but was stopped by the officer halfway up the ramp. I saluted him seamlessly, not missing the curious glances from Irie and Yuna. 

“I am afraid this shuttle is full, Ensign,” he said flatly. 

“But, sir, I was told to board this shuttle for Starkiller. There isn’t room for one more? My orders are to report to the Base today,” I said, trying, and failing, to hide my exasperation. 

He glanced boredly at the datapad in his hands as I finished, scrolling across the screen for a moment before he spoke again. “There is another shuttle departing for Starkiller Base from Hangar Seven in ten minutes; otherwise, the next shuttle leaves tomorrow at 0900 hours.” 

My eyes went wide at the realisation that I would have to make it all the way across the Star Destroyer if I did not want to miss class in the morning. I took off, not even bothering to salute the infuriating officer, as I made my way to Hangar Seven. I stopped once I reached the hall and removed my cap from my head, clenching it in my left hand as I ran as fast as I could for the hangar. I pushed past officers and Stormtroopers alike, issuing no apologies as I went and hoping that no one got a clear enough look at me to identify me. I did not know if it would be worse to get in trouble with another officer for bumping into them or for General Hux to find out that I had missed the shuttle to Starkiller. 

I continued to run as fast as I could across the massive ship, my legs and lungs both burning from the effort. I was relieved when I finally saw the opening to the hangar ahead and I picked up my pace slightly. I skidded to a halt upon entering the hangar, stunned to find an Upsilon-class command shuttle standing alone. I checked to be sure I was in the correct place before I quickly made my way over to the command shuttle. Two Stormtroopers stood at the base of the ramp, and I was unsurprised when they stopped me. 

“You’re not authorised to board,” said the Stormtrooper wearing the red pauldron, indicating his rank as an officer. 

“I have orders for Starkiller Base, sir. My orders were to depart on the shuttle leaving Hangar Four at 0800, but I was turned away due to capacity. The officer told me to come here, sir,” I said breathlessly, unable to stop myself from panting as I finished. 

“This is a command shuttle. You do not have authorisation to board, Officer…” he trailed off, the request for my name apparent. 

I took another shaky breath and was about to speak again when I was stopped by a familiar voice. “Ensign Saeran,” the cold, clipped voice of General Hux said from behind me. I could feel the dread building within me as I turned to face the General. I saluted him quickly and did not miss the once over he gave me. I swallowed thickly at the look of disdain on his face, waiting for the reprimand I knew was to come. I knew I must look completely disheveled, I had just run across a Star Destroyer after all, and Hux was known for being strict when it came to proper protocol, including those on appearance. 

“What is the problem?” he asked. I did not speak, too stunned at having not been immediately admonished for my appearance. 

“This officer says she is to report to Starkiller, but was turned away from her assigned shuttle, sir,” the Stormtrooper said from behind me. 

“Turned away, Ensign?” Hux asked me directly, scowl present on his face. 

“Yes, sir,” I replied, taking a calming breath before I spoke again. “I was told the shuttle had reached capacity and was sent here, sir.” 

He was quiet for a moment and I waited with bated breath for him to speak again. “Then you will allow the Ensign to board, unless you wish to be personally responsible for her tardiness tomorrow, Captain,” he finally said. 

“Sir,” the Captain said, taking a step closer to me, “what if her motives…” 

“Are you suggesting she is a spy, Captain? Or perhaps an assassin? If either are true then I trust Captain Opan to get to the bottom of it.” He turned his attention to me, eyes locking with mine before he spoke again. “You can be assured that I will deal with the Ensign personally should any disloyalty be found.” My eyes widened at the implications of his promise and I noticed something flicker in his eyes. Something in his tone and expression sent a shiver through my spine. “Satisfied, Captain?” he asked, turning his attention back to the Stormtrooper standing just behind me. 

Without another word, Hux stepped around me with Major Karan on his heels. I dropped my salute once they passed and stood there dumbly, suddenly wishing I was anywhere else. “Coming, Ensign?” Hux said from the top of the ramp, and I felt my cheeks flush from embarrassment. I grabbed my luggage and made my way up the ramp quickly, stumbling at the top in my haste. I pretended to be interested in my luggage in an attempt to hide my reddened face from both Hux and Karan. 

After a moment, I looked up and was relieved to find the cabin devoid of the General’s presence, but that relief was short-lived when I noticed the rigid officer who stood watching me with too large eyes and a severe expression. He stood just outside the door to the cockpit, as though he were guarding it, and his stance easily displayed the rank band on his lower left sleeve. Captain. I surmised that this must be the Captain that Hux spoke of, and wondered exactly what his position within the Order was. 

“The refresher is back there if you’d like to tidy up a bit,” Major Karan said, pulling me from my thoughts. 

I looked in the direction she’d indicated before turning my attention back to her. “Thank you, Major,” I said, saluting her later than was appropriate. 

“At ease, Ensign,” she said with an amused smile. “I’ll take that for you,” she said, nodding her head in the direction of my luggage. I handed it over wordlessly, entirely uncomfortable with the situation I’d found myself in. My discomfort grew as she continued to watch me, warm smile still on her face, and I finally turned away, anxious for the privacy of the refresher. 

I leaned against the door of the refresher once I’d closed it and popped the collar of my uniform open, breathing deeply in an attempt to regain my composure. After a moment, I checked myself in the mirror and was honestly shocked to have escaped without a dressing down from Hux over the state of my appearance. My hair had fallen down from its regulation bun with pieces framing my face and shoulders, my uniform was rumpled from my sprint across the _Finalizer_ , and I had completely forgotten my command cap until just now. 

I sat it aside and removed my gloves before I turned on the sink. I rested my hands on the cool surface and stared at myself in the mirror. “You have all the kriffing luck,” I said to my reflection before I splashed the cool water on my face, taking care to avoid getting my uniform wet.

I dried my face and redid my bun, making due with the limited supplies at my disposal which consisted only of the elastic and few pins that had not been lost on my trek. I finally gave up on the shorter layers in the front, tucking them behind my ears before straightening my uniform out. I refastened my collar and donned my gloves, saving the command cap for last. I debated whether to wear it or not, but finally decided to put it on in hopes that it would hide my less than perfect hair. I studied myself in the mirror a moment more, checking for anything obviously unsightly about my appearance. Satisfied, I left the safety of the refresher for the awkwardness of the passenger compartment. I was dismayed to find myself alone with Captain Opan and, unsure of what to do, I took a seat at random, picking a spot on the durasteel wall to stare at in order to avoid his unwavering gaze. I chewed the inside of my cheek nervously and fidgeted with my hands in my lap, glad that this would be a short journey. 

I felt the tell-tale lurch of the shuttle as we landed and heard the release as the ramp opened. I stood quickly, salute in place as General Hux and Major Karan exited the cockpit. Major Karan gave me a small smile as she passed by and I was relieved when Hux did not even bother to look my way. I waited awkwardly for Captain Opan to depart as well, knowing my place was far behind my superiors. 

I was caught off guard when he appeared in front of me, handing my luggage off to me. “I insist you go first,” he said, face still severe and voice dangerously low. I made my way down the ramp, incredibly aware of Opan’s presence just behind me. We were several steps behind Hux and Karan, and I took a moment to muster the courage to follow them between the rows of Stormtroopers there to welcome the General’s arrival. 

I kept my head high and shoulders back, hoping I was succeeding at keeping my expression impassive. I stopped when I got close to where Hux and Karan stood talking with several officers who had been waiting to welcome the leader of the First Order, maintaining a respectable distance. I resisted the urge to look over my shoulder to where I knew Captain Opan was standing and took steadying breaths in an attempt to calm my nerves. It was apparent that General Hux was in an exceptionally foul mood and I kept waiting for the other shoe to fall where my presence was concerned. 

I peeked up upon hearing my name. “Officer Saeran,” Major Karan said, interrupting my fretting. “Officer Stynnix will show you to your room.” 

A young Lieutenant with mousy brown hair who stood at about the same height as me stepped forward. Her face was impassive and her voice was equally lacking in emotion as she spoke. “If you’ll follow me,” she said before promptly turning and heading away from the group of Senior officers. I followed her without hesitation, glad to be leaving the frigid demeanours of General Hux and Captain Opan behind. 

  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hmmm...Hux seems more frustrated than usual. I wonder why??? 🙃  
> Sorry for the lack of an update last week. I have a lot going on in my life and I was exhausted and needed a little break. I was hoping to have two chapters ready to post for you guys to make up for it, but the next chapter isn’t quite ready yet. Be looking for that this weekend, though (probably Sunday).  
> Thank you guys so much for reading. I really appreciate all the comments and kudos. It’s nice to know that you guys are enjoying reading this story as much as I’m enjoying writing it.


	18. Good Enough

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I got this done earlier than I anticipated, so here you go. My gift to you for being absent last week...2 chapters this week.

# Good Enough

* * *

#### 32 ABY - Starkiller Base - The Unknown Regions

#### Evren, Day 53

I found myself dreading class as I dressed for the day, and I sincerely hoped that Hux would be too busy to attend any part of training. Our interaction the previous day had been enough to dampen any kind of excitement I felt about seeing Starkiller and being planetside. I’d spent the afternoon alone, avoiding the company and questions of my friends in favour of pouring over a medical textbook on my datapad. The one thing that had somewhat saved the day was having Nefret as my roommate again. We weren’t close, but at least I didn’t have to start over with someone else who might treat me the same way she did at first. 

I walked with Nefret to breakfast, thankful she seemed to know her way around well enough. Upon entering the mess hall, I immediately noticed Irie and Yuna sitting at a table on the far right of the room, and, after grabbing a nutritive shake, I joined them. I’d barely sat down when Nico and Jaxith joined us, the latter with a tray full of food.

“They have fresh fruit,” Jaxith said, popping a starberry in his mouth. “Is that all you’re having, Evren?” he asked when he noticed my shake. 

I took a sip and shrugged in response, not really in the mood to reply. 

“Where were you yesterday, Evren? You missed the tour,” Irie said from where she sat on my left. 

“The shuttle I was on docked at a different hangar, and I was shown straight to my room,” I replied succinctly, trying to give as little information as possible. 

“That’s odd. Why wouldn’t they give you all a tour? I mean we are all new here...” Yuna said from the other side of Irie. 

I shrugged again. “Maybe everyone else had been here before.” 

“Hold on,” Irie said, placing her fork down and turning to look at me. “All of the shuttles transporting personnel docked together.” She paused for effect before asking, “Where were you?” 

“I...I don’t know. I mean I’m not sure what the hangar number was,” I replied, still trying to avoid telling them I’d travelled here with  the General of the First Order. 

“Evren...what shuttle were you on?” she pressed again. 

I looked around at them all, not missing how they all stared at me intently. “I was on a command shuttle,” I said, finally caving. “That officer sent me to a command shuttle,” I added quickly, trying to explain myself. 

“You got to ride in an Upsilon! No fair! How was it?” Jaxith asked over-excitedly. 

“Intense,” was all I offered in reply. I glanced at my chrono, looking for any way to change the subject. I was relieved when I noted there were only fifteen minutes until the start of class. “Shouldn’t we be going? I’m not sure how far it is…” I asked hopefully. 

“Yeah, let’s go,” Nico said, standing to take his tray. Jaxith shoved a few more bites of food in his mouth before following him. I went to stand and throw the rest of my shake away when Irie stopped me. 

“Are you okay?” she asked with a hand on my forearm. 

“I’m fine. I was just exhausted after running across a Star Destroyer to catch a shuttle. That’s all.” I added the last when she raised one of her eyebrows skeptically. 

I was unsure if my answer satisfied her or not, but she stood and returned her tray either way. 

I walked in silence, committing the journey from the mess hall to the auditorium to memory. I followed Irie and Yuna to a spot towards the middle of the room, noting that it was identical to the lecture hall on the  _ Finalizer _ , only larger. 

I took my seat beside the aisle and waited for class to start, still praying that Hux wouldn’t show. I soon heard the sounds of everyone behind me standing to attention and I joined them, unable to stop myself as I turned, spotting the perfectly coiffed ginger hair in the crowd. My eyes met those of the General’s and I quickly turned around, biting my lip nervously at having been caught breaking protocol once again. I released the breath I hadn’t realised I was holding when he reached the front of the room and immediately began the lesson for the day, once again sparing me an admonishment. Admittedly I found his behaviour odd, based on what I knew and had heard about General Hux, but I pushed the confounding thoughts from my head to focus on his lecture. I did not want to risk being called out again for being inattentive. 

*******

  
That afternoon, we found ourselves venturing outside for the day’s physical portion of training. A much larger obstacle course had been erected on the frozen tundra of the planet, mocking me with its apparent difficulty combined with the snow and ice. I slowed my gait, less than excited to reach the course, and wrapped my arms around myself. 

We had been provided with snowsuits in the standard First Order colours of black and grey, our ranks still displayed on our left sleeves, but the suits were no match for the frigid climate. Although I stood shivering toward the back of the group, I could not help myself as I closed my eyes and turned my face towards the sun. For the first time since just before leaving the  _ Finalizer _ , I was happy to be planetside, and I took a moment to revel in the feel of natural light on my skin. 

My joy was brief, however, when General Hux spoke from just to my left. I quickly stood to attention, realising that I was probably the only one who had been oblivious to his arrival. I once again waited for the reprimand, but it did not come. 

We paired off into our usual four groups of ten and I stood there, shivering as I waited patiently for my turn to run the course. I did well enough, taking my time on the icy terrain; however, I slipped during the final portion of the course and, unable to stop myself, landed flat on my back in the snow. I stood and finished the course, hoping that the General had not seen my fall. 

Hux and Karan had divided the course, with Karan taking the half near the finish line, and she gave me a small, encouraging smile as I made my way past her to the start of the course. I brushed snow from my hair and clothes as I walked, only growing colder as time went on. I knew my hair had to be damp and I was glad that we only had to run the course twice. I sincerely hoped that I would not catch a cold, and I thought longingly of the warm, gaberwool coat hanging in my closet. 

I stood, shivering as I stared at the obstacle course in front of me without really seeing it. I waited patiently for it to be my group’s turn to complete the course again, and I agonised over the possibility of this being the new norm. I was caught off guard when something was pressed into my right hand. I snapped out of my daze in time to see General Hux walking past me, inappropriately close. Confused, I looked down at the object in my hand and was surprised to find a chemical warmer. I glanced back up at Hux and was unsurprised to find him making notes in his datapad while simultaneously watching the officers currently on the course. 

Without any further hesitation I cracked the warmer, massaging the substance inside. I was relieved to feel the heat that radiated from the small item and I held it close to my face, not caring how I must look. I looked around me at some of my fellow officers, looking for signs of warmers and saw none. I felt my brow furrow in confusion. Why would Hux specifically give me a chem warmer? I chewed my bottom lip as I thought, coming to the conclusion that it was because I had fallen. 

It was soon my turn again and I tucked the warmer into a pocket on the left side of my chest, zipping it closed for safekeeping. I could feel the warmth of it radiating through my chest, and the numbing chill in my toes made me very grateful to General Hux for the uncharacteristically kind gesture. I ran the course, still taking my time, and managed to complete it without incident. I left the warmer in my pocket, not wanting to draw attention to the gifted item, as I stood huddled together with the group. 

“The purpose of this exercise was to see how you are able to perform in a similar environment. After all, you will be exposed to many different climates and terrains in service to the First Order,” Hux addressed us. “You are dismissed,” he finished before engaging in quiet conversation with Major Karan, both of them looking down at their datapads. 

I stood still for a moment, debating on what I should do. 

“Evren, are you coming?” Yuna asked from a few steps away, where she had stopped beside Irie upon realising I was not with them. 

“You go on ahead. I’ll be a minute,” I replied. I waited for everyone else to get further away before I made my way to where General Hux and Major Karan stood, taking a deep breath as I walked. I stopped in front of them, standing to attention as I waited for them to acknowledge my presence. 

“What is it, Ensign?” Hux asked, looking up from his datapad with cool disinterest. Major Karan looked on with rapt attention, a knowing smirk on her face, and my unease grew. 

“I…I was hoping to speak with you for a moment. Sir,” I said, flushing a bit as I stuttered over my words. He quirked a brow at me, evidently waiting, and I realised my mistake. “Alone, sir,” I clarified. 

I watched as Hux cut his eyes to Major Karan, who nodded once in our direction and swiftly left. He continued to stare at me for a moment, and I resisted the urge to shift uncomfortably under his scrutiny. 

“At ease,” he said after a moment. I dropped my salute and folded my hands behind my back, waiting for him to grant me permission to speak. After a moment, he raised his brow again and asked, “Well?” 

“I wanted to thank you, sir. For the chemical warmer,” I said, relieved to have made it through a sentence without stumbling over my words. 

He said nothing for a moment, just stared at me. I did not want to appear insubordinate and leave before being dismissed, so I studied his face, trying to decipher what he was thinking. My eyes drifted down to his lips and I thought of my dream. My mind conjured images of being wrapped in the General’s embrace with his lips on mine right where we stood and I was suddenly very aware of the cold again. My body told me to act, for both the intimacy and the heat, but my mind screamed “No!” 

I bit my lip and shifted uncomfortably, unsure if it was from the cold, my desire or the intensity of Hux’s stare. After what seemed like forever, he finally spoke, “Absenteeism due to illness is inexcusable. Now, go get warm, Ensign.” 

I turned and headed for the base, incredibly aware of Hux’s presence a few steps behind me. I resisted the urge to take off running in my desperation to get away from him. I berated myself as I walked for having thoughts like that about him. I tried to decide if I was more embarrassed by his obvious disdain for me or for apparently having some kind of physical attraction to him. I was exhausted and cold and miserable and I realised that no matter what I did I would probably never earn the respect of my superior. I would never be good enough. I’d regretted my decision to join the First Order almost every day since I began training and today was no different. I had the sudden urge to cry. 

I ignored Hux’s continued presence behind me as we entered the base, heading straight to the locker rooms. I grabbed my uniform, not even bothering to change out of my cold weather gear, and headed to my room. I was relieved to find the room empty and I tossed my uniform in the laundry before entering the refresher. I turned on the water, letting it heat up while I undressed before stepping into it. I stood in the stream, enjoying the feel of the warm water, and gave into one of my desires from the day, the desire to cry. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Poor Evren. She just wants to be a doctor, not a soldier.  
> Thank you all for reading. I really appreciate it. Kudos and comments give me life. I love knowing that you guys are enjoying this story. 
> 
> Fun fact: I do extensive research on Wookieepedia in an attempt to get the details of this story right. I was unable to find a Star Wars universe equivalent of a hand warmer anywhere, so I just changed the name to “chemical warmer/chem warmer” for the purpose of this story since that’s how hand warmers work...by using chemicals. Also, for the purpose of this story, they’re a little more potent than our hand warmers because they can be.


	19. Resuscitation

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy Groundhog Day....?

# Resuscitation

* * *

#### 32 ABY - Starkiller Base - The Unknown Regions

#### Evren, Day 67

I’d spent the last several weeks in something of a haze. I had indeed gotten a rather nasty cold after our excursion outside, and my recovery time had been prolonged due to Hux’s warning. I’d been too afraid of what he might do should I miss a day of training that I suffered through. The worst of it had been the second and third days following the obstacle course, when I’d been battling a fever that caused me to feel like I was freezing despite being indoors. I got more than a few funny looks for still shivering whilst wearing my uniform and gaberwool overcoat, but I did not care. Those few days had been so bad that not even Kyrprax helped my symptoms. Even once I’d gotten over my cold, I remained exhausted. I preferred to take all of my meals, which consisted only of nutritive shakes and water, in my room, and I spent the majority of my free time sleeping. 

My performance had suffered as a result of my illness, but I’d somehow managed to escape without an admonition from any of my superiors. It was obvious that I was sick, but I had not expected General Hux to go easy on me. In fact, he’d even surprised me by being almost kind on several occasions. His inconsistent behaviour continued to baffle me. 

Today was the first time in three weeks that I felt like myself again, but I still found myself dreading training that afternoon. It was close combat day and I knew that meant I had an afternoon full of dodging stun batons or electroprods. I joined my friends for lunch, glad to finally feel like being sociable again. 

“Finally feeling better?” Jaxith asked. I was surprised when he stopped eating altogether, giving me his undivided attention. 

“I am. Thanks,” I replied, taking a bite of the bland, nutritive porridge. It was the first time I’d consumed actual food in a while, and I was nervous about how my stomach would react. 

“We missed you,” Yuna said, throwing her arm around my shoulders. I tried my best not to cringe at the friendly gesture. As an orphan at the age of eleven, I’d always been fiercely independent and, as such, close physical contact made me uncomfortable. There had been very few people in my life whose embrace or touch I’d actually appreciated or found solace in, and Carice was among those few. Still, I knew that Yuna meant well, so I did my best not to immediately shrug her off. 

“Alright, Yuna...let Evren eat in peace,” Nico said. 

“Oh, of course,” Yuna said, dropping her arm and returning to her food. 

I shared a meaningful look with Nico, and I wondered if he was constantly rescuing me from uncomfortable situations because he understood me or because Carice asked him to look out for me. Either way, I was grateful. I ate the rest of my meal in silence, listening to the conversations of my comrades. Soon our break was over and we were making our way to the training facilities for the afternoon. 

I was dismayed to see that Captain Phasma would be overseeing combat training along with Hux, Karan and Loic. The days were always longer and more gruelling when she was present. On several occasions she had stepped in to spar with some of the officers, defeating them quickly and viciously. I silently prayed that I would not be subjected to a match with the mountainous Trooper each time she was present for class. 

My trepidation was distracting, causing me to perform as poorly as I had at the height of my malady. I stood to the side after my third fight against Jaxith, biting my lip distractedly as I watched Nefret and Ragni. 

“Hey...are you alright? I thought you were feeling better?” Jaxith asked from my right. 

“Yeah, I’m fine. Just distracted,” I replied, not taking my eyes from the mat in front of me. 

Jaxith moved to stand closer to me and I glanced at him suspiciously. “Between you and me,” he said, leaning his head close to mine conspiratorially, “Phasma terrifies me. I hope I never have to fight her.” 

I turned to reply, a genuine smile on my face, when something behind me caught my attention. I heard another officer calling the name of his sparring partner. 

“Param. Param. C’mon. Get up.” 

I turned in the direction of the sound and watched as the officer, a Junior Lieutenant named Sabri Kartik, bent down to check on Param. Wordlessly, I handed my electroprod over to Jaxith, who took it without question, and began to slowly walk to where Param Tabor was lying. The sounds of people still fighting filled the room, but I tuned all that out to focus on the words Officer Kartik uttered next. 

“He’s not breathing,” he said to the others in his group. He looked up frantically and scanned the room before shouting, “we need help!” 

I had taken off running when I’d heard him state that Tabor was not breathing and was on the ground beside him in seconds. 

“Help me roll him over,” I said to Kartik. He did so and I wasted no time in feeling for a pulse, placing my cheek near his mouth to feel for breath and watch for the rise and fall of his chest simultaneously. When I felt and saw nothing I sat back up and looked Kartik directly in the eyes. “Officer Kartik, across the hallway and to the left of this room is a medical kit, bring it to me immediately.” I watched as he wasted no time in rushing from the room. 

By this time, everyone had realised something was going on and I found myself surrounded by onlookers. Hux stood directly across from where I knelt and I locked eyes with him. I knew that I needed someone with a datapad to call for help, and so I bravely spoke, “General Hux, will you call the med bay for assistance?” I did not wait for his reply, but immediately began compressions on Lieutenant Tabor, hoping the whole time that my wording would spare me from getting into too much trouble for giving Hux an order. 

Officer Kartik soon returned, kneeling across from me with the kit in hand. I could see the panic in his eyes and I wondered if Param Tabor was his friend. “Officer Kartik,” I began, addressing him by name to ensure I had his attention. “I want you to set the kit down, then open it. Inside you’ll see some scissors. I need you to pull those out for me.” He handed me the scissors and I cut Tabor’s shirt open, pushing aside the fabric before handing the scissors back to the petrified officer. 

“Officer Dehateh,” I said, placing the pads attached to the machine on the appropriate places on the lifeless chest of Officer Tabor before switching it on. “I need your assistance with respirations,” I told her, giving her clear instructions to join me at Tabor’s head. I pulled the resuscitating ventilator from the kit and demonstrated how to use it. I watched as Tabor’s chest rose and fell, indicating that she was administering breaths correctly. I looked at the small monitor attached to the defibrillator and noted the absence of a heart rhythm. I leaned up and over Tabor, reaching for a button on the machine as I called loudly, “Clear.” I did a quick sweep to check and see if anyone was touching Tabor’s body before pressing the button. He convulsed involuntarily as a shock was delivered and I checked the monitor again, noting the continued lack of a rhythm. 

I resumed compressions, beginning the count to thirty in my head. “I’ve pulled up Officer Tabor’s medical record, Ensign,” Hux said, and I was surprised when I saw the datapad from the corner of my eye. I looked up to find General Hux standing over me, holding the datapad so that I could read it as I worked. The motion of my body made that task impossible, though, and I could feel myself growing tired so I called for Nico. 

“Officer Varro,” I said, addressing him per protocol. “I need you to take over compressions for me.” I moved the defibrillator over a bit so that he could kneel down across from me and showed him how to administer CPR. I gave a meaningful look to both him and Irie. “Give thirty compressions for every two breaths. Count out loud if it helps you,” I said, grabbing the datapad from Hux’s hands as I stood. 

I scanned through Officer Tabor’s medical history, finding nothing of interest in his previous cardiac evaluation. I read the results of his most recent physical, noting that his electrolytes had been slightly off but nothing else of import. I handed the datapad back to Hux wordlessly, dropping back down to the ground and pulling a vial and the injector head and handle from the medical kit. I cracked the seal on the vial before inserting it into the injector. I wrapped a tourniquet around Tabor’s arm and cleaned the vein at his antecubital space before inserting the needle. I popped the tourniquet before administering the injection of epinephrine and removed the needle, silently wishing for gloves as I placed the antiseptic swab over the injection site. I glanced at my chrono, noting the time before I exchanged glances with Irie and Nico. I looked up as a repulsor gurney and medical officer arrived. 

I did not recognise the officer, having yet to meet any of the medics on base, but she was a pretty, young officer with caramel skin and bright eyes. She gave General Hux a quick salute as the medical droid moved the gurney into place. I took over compressions so that Nico could help the droid move Tabor onto the gurney, stopping briefly to assess again for a rhythm. I checked his pulse to confirm what the monitor showed, and resumed compressions. The medical officer addressed me after a moment. 

“What happened here?” she asked while looking down at her datapad. 

I told her what I knew, what I had witnessed and heard, before launching into an explanation of the measures I had attempted thus far to save Officer Tabor’s life.

“And when was the last injection of epinephrine?” she asked, typing my report into her datapad. 

I glanced at the chrono on my wrist. “Two minutes, 40 seconds ago,” I replied, pausing to allow Irie to administer two breaths. 

The medical officer tucked her datapad up under her arm and picked the injector up. I continued compressions silently, watching from the corner of my eye as she grabbed another vial of epi and administered it. 

“What is your name, Officer?” she asked, looking up at me as she held pressure to the injection site. 

“Ensign Evren Saeran,” I replied. 

“Ahh, yes. Of course,” she replied, pulling her datapad from under her arm and typing something else into it. “Kaytoo,” she said, addressing the medical droid, who had taken over oxygenation for Irie. “Are you ready?” 

“Yes, sir,” the droid replied in its mechanical voice. 

The medical officer looked at me expectantly, kindness evident in her expression. “Well, hop on, Ensign,” she said with a small smile. 

I looked at her dumbfounded for a moment before I found my voice. “What? Really?” I asked, unable to contain my incredulousness at the prospect of getting to accompany her to the med bay and continue resuscitative measure on Officer Tabor.

“Yes, of course. Someone has to administer compressions,” she replied before adding, “that is, of course, if General Hux will permit it.” 

I looked at him expectantly, my eyes meeting his, and silently pleaded to be granted this opportunity. He seemed to consider the idea for a moment and I watched as he licked his lips subconsciously before replying, “permission granted.” 

I did not hesitate as I hopped on the gurney and straddled Officer Tabor, continuing to perform chest compressions and working in tandem with Kaytoo to resuscitate my fellow officer in training as we made our way to the medical bay. 

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Can’t stop won’t stop, you guys.  
> Thank you so much for reading this story, and I really appreciate those of you who take the time to leave comments/kudos.  
> I got you, babes. 😉  
> Okay, I’ll quit referencing the movie Groundhog Day now.


	20. Unwanted Attention

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I guess I need to include a trigger warning for this chapter. There is a non-consensual almost kiss.  
> Otherwise, enjoy...

# Unwanted Attention

* * *

#### 32 ABY - Starkiller Base - The Unknown Regions

#### Evren, Day 70

Word about my involvement in saving a fellow officer’s life had spread quickly around base, causing me to be the recipient of a lot of unwanted attention. I sat amongst my friends with my head down, trying to avoid the stares in my direction. 

“What’s wrong, Evren?” Irie asked from where she sat across from me. 

I shrugged my shoulders before replying. “I’m just tired of everyone looking at me, talking about me,” I said before taking another sip of my shake. 

“But you’re a hero. You should be proud,” Jaxith said rather enthusiastically from my right. 

“Yes...what you did for Officer Tabor was rather remarkable. I mean...you saved his life,” Yuna offered. 

“I was just doing my duty, my job. It’s nothing really,” I said quietly. 

“It’s not nothing,” Jaxith almost shouted, causing me to wince and look around to see if anyone else had heard. 

“You deserve to be recognised for saving a fellow officer, but we respect the fact that the attention makes you uncomfortable,” Nico stated matter-of-factly. I simply nodded thoughtfully while sipping my nutritive shake. 

“Hey, at least you’re getting attention for something other than kriffing up for once,” Irie said with a smirk. I couldn’t help but smile at her comment. 

“We should go,” Nico said after a moment.

We exited the mess hall and made our way to class, taking our usual seats in front of our respective consoles. A few minutes later, General Hux, Captain Loic and Major Karan entered the room. The monitors in front of us came to life and everyone began quietly working to process the reports that flickered across the screen. Not a word had been spoken, but it didn’t have to be. Everyone already knew what to do and what was expected of them. 

The morning went by quickly and uneventfully, and I soon found myself in a training room waiting for my group’s turn on the obstacle course. I chewed on my bottom lip as I watched the group ahead of mine tackling the course, observing different techniques and strategies. I was always looking for ways to improve myself. I was so caught up in my observations of my fellow officers that I’d failed to notice Captain Loic’s sudden presence by my side. 

“Excellent work the other day, Ensign,” he said, pulling me from my thoughts. I moved to salute him, but he quickly waved me off. 

“Thank you, sir,” I replied, incredibly aware of the blush on my face at his praise. 

“Of course,” he said, turning his attention to the course and the officers on it. “I daresay that Junior Lieutenant Tabor owes you his life. I imagine he’s very grateful.” He paused for a moment before continuing, “your superior officers are very impressed with you. I hear even Admiral Slaine has heard about the incident. And your efforts, of course. Keep up the good work.”

“Yes, sir. Thank you, sir.” He nodded his head once and stepped away from me, resuming his place alongside Hux and Karan. I was embarrassed by his compliment, not missing the way two of my comrades looked on and exchanged conspiratorial whispers. I had been met with both jealousy and awe from my peers, and I never knew which to expect. I was relieved when my group’s turn to run the course arrived and I was no longer standing idly by, for a few moments at least. 

I completed the obstacle course four times, as was customary, increasingly impressed by my improvement. I was now able to complete the course without major incident and without being consistently last. Granted I was usually only a spot or two ahead of last, but I would take it. I had finished the course last only one time out of the four today after I’d come up short on a jump, causing me to have to struggle up a wall and putting me behind. 

We were dismissed for the day and I was grateful for another day of training done. I was also glad to have managed to avoid Hux’s ire for a day.

“Let’s get a drink,”Jaxith said, to which 

everyone heartily agreed. “What do you say, Evren?” he asked when I didn’t respond. 

“C’mon, Evvy. Carice will be there,” Yuna said. She had adopted the nickname Carice had bestowed on me for herself. 

“Yeah, I’ll join,” I replied, my cool response belying the excitement I felt at the prospect of seeing Carice for the first time in weeks. 

“Don’t sound so excited,” Nico teased dryly, to which we all laughed. 

“Everybody get cleaned up and meet in the lounge?” Jaxith asked. 

We all consented and headed to our respective rooms. I was unsurprised to find my room empty, knowing that Nefret was likely headed to dinner. I quickly showered and slipped on leggings and a tunic before drying my hair. I stopped when it was mostly dry and left it down to finish before slipping on my shoes and heading to the officer’s lounge. 

I quickly spotted the others sitting in a rounded booth and joined them, sliding in beside Carice. I was shocked when, a moment later, a service droid appeared with a tray full of drinks and handed me a fizzbrew. “I ordered it for you,” Jaxith said from across the table, raising his glass to me in a salute as he did. 

“Oh...thank you,” I replied, returning the gesture before taking a sip of the drink. I leaned back in my seat and nursed my drink as the others talked. I could not help but laugh as Irie talked animatedly about her crush on Captain Loic and Carice and Yuna plotted a way to get them together. 

“Maybe you should take a page out of Evvy’s book and injure yourself during training. That’s sure to get his attention,” Carice said. 

“Hey!” I replied, drawing out the word. 

“The only problem with that plan is that it gets me on Hux’s radar, too. No thanks. I don’t want to be treated like Evren is,” Irie replied. I made a face in support of her statement and gave a slight nod of my head. 

“You mean he’s still on you?” Carice asked indignantly, turning to face me. 

“I don’t know,” I said with a shrug, anxious to avoid the subject of General Hux. If I was being completely honest, I never knew what to expect when I was in his presence. He could go from coldly indifferent to kind to being a complete ass from one day to the next, and I was increasingly confused by his constantly changing temperament. If it were not for my potentially complicated feelings regarding the General, I would be satisfied to just be treated with indifference. My interest aside, I still just wanted him to treat me the way he treated everyone else. 

“You don’t know?” Carice asked, arching her brow incredulously. When I didn’t respond, she continued, “I just thought he would have lightened up a bit after what happened with Ren.” 

“General Hux expects the best. That’s not me,” I said, finishing my fizzbrew just as the service droid approached our table. “I’ll have another,” I said, sitting the glass down on the table rather hard. The droid collected my glass and whisked away. 

“Two drinks? Evvy is going to have two drinks?” Carice asked teasingly. 

“I may have three,” I replied sarcastically. The conversation returned to plotting how to set Irie up with Loic and I was thankful to once again have the attention off of me.

Two fizzbrews later, I could feel my head becoming a bit cloudy and I was suddenly tired. “I’m calling it a night,” I said as I slid out of the booth and stood. 

“Lightweight,” Carice teased.

“I’ll come with you,” Jaxith said as he stood. 

“Please, don’t leave on my account. I’ll be fine.” 

“No, I’m tired, too. I’m going to call it a night,” he replied. “See you,” he called to Nico, who nodded his head in response before turning his attention back to Carice. I smiled to myself as he wrapped an arm around her and she leaned into him familiarly. 

“ _Maybe Carice has finally met her match,_ ” I thought to myself, turning and exiting the lounge with Jaxith at my side. We walked in silence for a while before Jaxith finally spoke. “I’m sorry that General Hux is so hard on you,” he said softly. 

I shrugged my shoulders before responding, “Don’t be. I wouldn’t have joined a military organisation if I couldn’t handle someone being hard on me.” 

“Still...it’s not right...him singling you out, picking on you. It’s not fair,” he said, voice becoming louder as he spoke. 

“Life isn’t fair,” I replied simply. He went to speak again, but I cut him off. “I appreciate your concern, Jaxith, but I promise I’m fine. They do the same thing in medical school, so it’s nothing I haven’t experienced before. I survived my professors and I’ll survive Hux.” We had stopped just outside the doors to the lift that would take me to the female officers’ dorms. “This is me,” I said, moving to push the button to summon the lift. I was shocked when Jaxith grabbed my wrist, turning me to face him and pulling me closer. 

“Evren,” he said softly, trailing his hands up my arms and stepping closer to me. “I admire you, Evren. I have always admired you.” I tried to pull away, but his grip on my arms was firm. He slowly pushed me backwards until I hit the wall behind me. I watched in horror as his head slowly descended towards mine. 

“Oh,” I said softly, realisation dawning on me. “No.” I tried to push him away as I said the last. Suddenly his behaviour over the last almost two months made sense, and I felt daft for not having recognised it before. If I had, I wouldn’t have found myself in this situation, completely blindsided by his rather aggressive advances. 

“Don’t fight it, Evren,” he said as his face continued moving slowly closer to mine. 

“Jaxith, no. You’ve been drinking. We’re just friends,” I said, still trying to push him off of me as panic started to set in. 

His lips continued on their path towards mine as he replied, “Don’t you want to be more than friends? I do.” 

I closed my eyes tight and was just about to turn my head when a voice interrupted us. “The lady asked you to stop, Officer Cosmin,” the cold, clipped voice of General Hux said from somewhere behind Jaxith. He quickly pulled away from me and turned to salute the general. I remained fixed to the wall, panting as I tried to regain my composure, completely uncaring about proper protocol. I’d never been so happy to see General Hux as I was in that moment, scathing expression and all. 

“Follow me, Ensign,” he said, not bothering to address Jaxith as he turned sharply and left. I followed behind him, struggling to keep up with his long strides. I expected him to escort me directly to my room or the med bay and was surprised when we took a turn, heading in a completely different direction from both places.

Our journey was quiet, interrupted only by the occasional officer or stormtrooper saluting the general as we passed by. I wondered to myself where he was taking me and felt my panic rise when we finally reached a door in a fairly isolated corridor. I realised that we were rather close to the command center, and I noted that this hallway closely resembled the one I was fond of frequenting aboard the _Finalizer_ , making use of its viewport to stare into space. 

I was confused when we entered the room to find myself standing in an office. I hadn’t known where Hux was taking me, but an office had not crossed my mind. There were large windows practically comprising two of the walls with a desk, facing out into the room, centered in front of one of them. Two chairs sat across from the desk and there was a sitting area with a sofa, table and two more chairs on the right side of the room. To the left of the room were two doors with a narrow table in between them, a couple of glasses and bottles of liquor sitting on top. I realised suddenly that I must be in Hux’s office and I wondered why he’d brought me here. I turned over all the possibilities in my mind, none of them good, and willed myself not to let my trepidation show. 

I stood just a few feet inside the room, back straight and shoulders tense, keeping my gaze straight ahead on the transparisteel in front of me. The world outside was still and white, and I suddenly wished I could be out in the frozen tundra rather than in this seemingly equally icy room awaiting my fate. I was very aware of General Hux standing a few feet away from me, staring at me unnervingly, and I waited for whatever was about to come.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Dun dun dun...
> 
> Thank you guys so much for reading, and an extra thank you to all of those who take the time to leave kudos/comments. I can not say enough how much I appreciate them. 
> 
> In other news, I recently became aware of the fact that apparently I leave you guys with a lot of cliffhangers at the end of my chapters. While that is not usually my intention, this time it definitely was.
> 
> For this week’s fun fact I am going to provide you guys with a brief explanation of Galactic Standard Time, which is what the First Order uses (it will be kind of important soon and is good information to know). So, there are 60 seconds in a minute, 60 minutes in an hour, and 24 hours in a day. That part is easy enough. There are 5 days in a week, 7 weeks in a month, and 10 months in a year. In addition to those 10 months, there are 3 festival weeks and 3 holidays. This equals a grand total of 368 days, which equals 1 year.  
> All of this information can be found on Wookieepedia if you would like to explore or learn more. I reference them quite frequently in order to get this story exactly right.


	21. Reckless

# Reckless

* * *

#### 32 ABY - Starkiller Base - The Unknown Regions

#### Hux, Day 70

I watched for a moment as Captain Loic spoke with Evren, noting the blush that coloured her cheeks as they spoke, before I turned my attention back to the officers on the obstacle course. I’d been mostly avoiding her after my interrupted attempt at self gratification. I found her hold over me maddening. I was known for being a feared and ruthless General, completely in control of himself and an entire military organisation, yet this woman had consumed my thoughts. I glanced back to where Loic and Evren stood, wondering what they were talking about, but I did not have to wonder for long. 

“What was that about, Captain?” Major Karan asked as he joined us where we stood. 

“I was commending Ensign Saeran for her performance the other day, saving Officer Tabor’s life.” 

“She was most impressive,” Karan said, agreeing with him. They were silent after that. 

I had to admit that they were right, watching Evren save the life of one of her fellow officers had been highly impressive. She had responded quickly and efficiently when Officer Tabor collapsed following a shock from an electroprod, effectively saving the man’s life. I’d felt proud as I watched her work, calmly giving out orders like she was a practised officer, instead of the novice I knew her to be. I was further impressed when she even gave orders to me, wisely phrasing them like a request instead of the command I understood them to be. I had no doubts as I watched her attempts to revive her comrade that I had made the right decision to recruit her all those years ago. 

I’d been unable to deny her when Captain Balint asked her to accompany her to the medical bay. She had looked up at me expectantly, her face beautifully lit up by the exhilaration of the situation, and I’d willingly given my consent for her to miss the remainder of class. I had not expected her to hop onto the repulsor gurney, straddling Param Tabor’s lifeless body as she continued to perform compressions on his chest, and I had seen red at the action. I tried to keep my composure, rationalising that resuscitative measures needed to continue and that. with the size of the gurney, she’d had no other option. However, I was incredibly jealous and I spent the rest of the day in a foul mood, taking my frustrations out on those around me. 

Since then, she had been the talk of the base and I could not help but feel a sense of pride. This woman, who had earned the respect of her fellow officers and stormtroopers alike, was the woman I wanted to be mine. I had decidedly chosen well. I was further impressed, as I watched her complete the obstacle course, by how far she had come in her training. She was still far from being amongst the best of her class physically, but her improvement was commendable. 

When class was dismissed, I made my way to my office to catch up on some reports. I sat reading through a report from the  _ Steadfast _ when the commlink on my desk chimed. I answered it, not bothering to look up from my datapad. 

“General Hux, sir. The Supreme Leader requests an audience.” 

I placed my datapad down and glanced up at the officer. “I’ll be there immediately,” I said, standing as the commlink clicked off. I grabbed my greatcoat and slipped it on before exiting the room to meet with the Supreme Leader. 

I stood in the large chamber, waiting for the holoprojection of Snoke to appear. Even empty, the room was oppressive, but it became moreso with Snoke’s presence. I did not have to wait long for the Supreme Leader to appear, the enlarged projection of him filling the room. “General Hux,” he said, voice low and gravelly. 

“Supreme Leader,” I replied, addressing him and waiting for him to continue. 

“How does the base progress?” he asked. 

“The construction of Starkiller Base remains on schedule, Supreme Leader.” 

“And the supply issues?” he asked again. 

“Have been resolved.” I had learned throughout my years of dealing with Supreme Leader Snoke that it was best to be concise with my answers.

“How is the weapon progressing?” 

“We have our best engineers working around the clock to devise a way to stabilise it. The plan is to have something developed and the weapon completed over the course of the next year,” I answered perfunctorily. 

I watched as he leaned forward and touched his fingers to his chin in contemplation. After a moment, he spoke again. “See what can be done to expedite the process, General. The sooner we have the weapon, the sooner we can gain control over the New Republic.” 

“Yes, Supreme Leader,” I replied. I fully expected our conversation to be finished, and was surprised when, after a moment, he spoke again. 

“I want you to hold a celebration, General,” he said.

“A celebration?” I asked, taken aback by the frivolous request. 

“Yes. I want the achievement of Starkiller Base commemorated,” he replied matter-of-factly, as if his reasoning should be obvious. 

“Supreme Leader, base is not yet fully operational…”

“It is operational apart from the weapon. Such an accomplishment deserves to be recognised, and your officers could use a morale boost before this war begins. A night of frivolity might do them good,” he said with a wicked grin that made his features even more grotesque. 

“Yes, Supreme Leader,” I said, conceding to his request. 

“See to the preparations,” he said before he disappeared, leaving me to stand alone in the darkened room. I quickly exited the room and headed back towards my office, silently cursing the idiotic request in my head. The First Order needed to be preparing for war, not a soirée. We had never before engaged in such frivolities and I wasn’t sure now was the time to do so. Of course, there had been balls, parties and banquets during the days of the Empire, but that was a different time and the Empire was already in control of the galaxy. Making the decision to have Vella make the arrangements required little to no thought on my part. 

I came to the end of a corridor and turned, continuing on my journey back to my office. “Don’t fight it, Evren,” I heard a distinctively male voice say from ahead of me. 

I quickened my pace, coming to stand just behind two officers in a rather compromising position. 

“No, Jaxith,” I heard Evren say from where she was pinned up against the wall. “You’ve been drinking. We’re just friends.” I could not see her face, but I knew she was struggling when I saw his shoulders move slightly from where she was obviously trying to push him off of her. 

“Don’t you want to be more than friends? I do,” he said, moving to kiss her. 

“The lady asked you to stop, Officer Cosmin,” I said, angrier than I’d ever been before at his audacity. I barely regarded him as he turned and saluted, unable to take my attention away from where Evren stood against the wall, trying to regain her composure. “Follow me, Ensign,” I said after a moment, promptly turning and proceeding to my office. I wanted to be sure she was okay. I wanted to remove her from the situation. I wanted to punish her for getting herself into this situation to begin with. 

I was vaguely aware of Evren following behind me or the numerous officers and stormtroopers we passed on our way. My ire only grew as we walked in silence, and I found myself increasingly angry with Evren. How could she be so careless, so stupid, to get herself into such a position? 

We entered my office and I turned to look at her, not missing the way she quickly took in her surroundings before turning her gaze forward. We stood in silence for a while as I tried to gather my thoughts, and I could sense her nervousness. I tried to calm myself before speaking, but the image of her trapped between Officer Cosmin and the wall kept playing in my mind, further enraging me. “I am very disappointed by your display tonight, Officer Saeran,” I finally said. I watched as she turned her head to face me, brow furrowed in confusion. “Behaving inappropriately with a fellow officer...in public...I thought you cared more for your career than that. I thought you had more self respect than that,” I finished with venom in my voice. 

“How dare you!” she shouted passionately, face aflame with anger. “You have done nothing but ridicule and deride me since I arrived. You seem to take some sick pleasure in tormenting me, embarrassing me. And then tonight...you happen upon an officer assaulting me and I’m the one who gets pulled into your office for a lecture. I do have self respect. I have plenty of self respect, and it’s time you recognised that and start showing me the respect I deserve.” She had taken a few steps forward during her tirade and used her hands to gesticulate wildly, pointing a finger at me almost threateningly as she spoke. 

I watched as the realisation of what she had done flickered across her features and her face fell. She stood straight, turning her attention back to the window in front of her. The rise and fall of her chest was exaggerated as she tried to regain her composure, but the fire in her eyes remained. As her superior officer, I should have been enraged by her outburst and the blatant disrespect with which she’d regarded me, but as a man with an infatuation I was aroused. I studied her, noting the way her pants clung to her, highlighting her slim figure, and the way her dark hair fell in soft curls around her shoulders. I fought the urge to take her then and there, and I continued to stare at her, trying to gain control over myself. I felt my resolve crumble when she began to chew on her bottom lip nervously. 

Closing the distance between us, I gripped her chin between my thumb and first two fingers and tilted her face up to look at me. I silently cursed the leather gloves on my hands, which prevented me from feeling her skin against my own. I stared down at her for a moment and did not miss the flicker of fear in her eyes, which I noted were a pretty shade of hazel, brown encircling the center and green around the outside. She was biting down hard on her bottom lip now and I was unable to stop myself as I ran my thumb over it, releasing it from the punishment of her teeth.

“What have I told you about biting your lip?” I asked her. 

“Sorry, si…” 

She had licked her lips before she spoke and that had been my undoing. I closed what little distance remained between us, crashing my lips into hers. I felt her stiffen slightly before she leaned into the kiss, and I took the opportunity to deepen it. I felt my heartbeat quicken when she touched me, placing her left hand on my chest and her right on my forearm. I wrapped my other arm around her tightly and rested my hand on the small of her back, pulling her body closer to mine. She felt so small, so fragile, so delicate in my arms, and I realised as I was bent down to kiss her exactly how much difference there was in our heights. I was surprised when she suddenly pulled away, and I quickly schooled my features, waiting for her reaction. 

“If you’ll excuse me, sir,” she said with a quick salute before rushing from the room, leaving me standing alone in the middle of my office. I stared blankly at the closed door for a moment before I finally moved. Removing my tunic and draping it over one of the chairs in front of my desk, I made my way to the small bar. I poured myself a couple of fingers of whiskey and went to stand in front of the window behind my desk, taking a sip of the amber liquid as I stared out of the transparisteel. I silently cursed myself for having been so reckless and ruminated over what to do now. I was a master tactician, but I was admittedly wholly unprepared for a situation such as this. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Insert Jonah Hill freaking out gif here.**  
> It finally happened!!! Kinda...
> 
> As always, thank you guys so much for reading, commenting and leaving kudos. I greatly appreciate the support, and I love reading your comments and interacting with you guys.


	22. Avoidance

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It’s First Order Friday!

# Avoidance

* * *

#### 32 ABY - Starkiller Base - The Unknown Regions

#### Evren, Day 71

I lay awake in bed as Nefret’s alarm went off, quickly closing my eyes and pretending I was asleep as she got up to get ready. I rolled over when I heard the door to the refresher close and stared at my datapad on the shelf over my bed. I had no desire to look at it, dreading seeing a message from General Hux waiting for me. I continued to stare at the durasteel, in a daze, and recalled the events of the night before, trying to decide if I was more surprised by Jaxith’s behaviour or the General’s. 

Hux had been my saviour for about twenty seconds, and I’d had no clue what to expect when he’d led me to his office. I had been outraged when he’d admonished me for behaving inappropriately when Jaxith had been the one trying to kiss me. I’m not sure what possessed me to do it, if it was the adrenaline from my run-in with Jaxith or if I was just fed up with Hux’s abuse, but I’d snapped. In that moment, I had completely forgotten who I was speaking to and what he was capable of. I had shouted at General Hux, the kriffing leader of the First Order.

I’d fully expected him to dispatch me then and there, or at the very least send me to reconditioning. I had been shocked when, instead of doing any of that, he’d closed the distance between us, grabbed my chin firmly, but gently, in one of his hands and tilted my face up so that our eyes met. I’d fully expected him to hit me and I had stiffened, bracing for the blow, but it never came. Instead he had run his thumb over my bottom lip, which I had not realised I was biting down on so hard, and said, “What have I told you about biting your lip?” 

I’d looked up at him incredulously, still afraid of what he might do and confused by his behaviour. His close proximity and the enticing scent of Hamogany had been overwhelming, clouding my senses. My mouth had felt dry and I’d licked my lips before apologising for the habit which he so obviously despised. “Sorry, si…” I’d begun, but the words were stopped when his lips had suddenly, and unexpectedly, been on mine. I had frozen momentarily, shocked by the impulsivity of his action, before I’d relaxed into the kiss. I had thought about that moment, dreamed about that moment on several occasions, and it had actually happened. 

My mind had become even more befuddled when Hux deepened the kiss, placing a hand on the small of my back. My knees had felt weak, and I’d grabbed onto him for support. It was in that moment, when I’d felt the double braided rank band under my palm and fingers, that I’d realised exactly what I was doing. I’d pulled away, gave a quick salute, and excused myself from his presence. 

I closed my eyes again when I heard Nefret exit the refresher, still pretending I was asleep. I was relieved when she exited the room, and I rolled onto my back, placing a hand to my forehead. “What have you done?” I asked out loud to the darkness before getting up to get ready for the day.

I made my way to the mess hall, still having not looked at my datapad. I knew that if anything important happened, or if there’d been changes to the schedule today, my friends would discuss it over breakfast. I was early, so I sat at our usual table alone, absentmindedly sipping on a cup of caf. I stared off in a daze and ran my fingertips over my lips, remembering the feel of Hux’s lips on mine. My reverie was broken when Irie and Yuna joined me. 

“Command to Evren, do you copy?” Yuna asked, waving her hand in front of my face. 

“Sorry,” I replied, quickly pulling my hand away from my face. “I was in a daze.” 

“Obviously,” Irie said. “What were you thinking about?” 

“Oh, nothing much,” I lied, hoping she would not press the issue. I took a bite of my porridge, looking down at it in an attempt to hide the blush on my face. 

“Where’s Jaxith?” Irie asked Nico as he joined us. 

“He uhhh...got sent to reconditioning,” Nico replied slowly. 

“What!?” “Why!?” Irie and Yuna asked in unison, the shock I felt evident in their voices. I simply looked at Nico with wide eyes, waiting on his answer. 

“I dunno,” he said. “A couple of Troopers showed up in the middle of the night and took him away.” 

“Wow,” Yuna said in an almost whisper. 

“You both left at the same time last night, Evren. Do you know what happened?” Irie asked. 

I shifted uncomfortably when they all turned their attention on me. “No. Sorry,” I lied again. I wasn’t certain, but I had a pretty good idea of why Jaxith had been sent to reconditioning and who had ordered him there. I picked at my food, having no real desire to eat. I should have been hungry after skipping dinner the night before, but the butterflies in my stomach overruled any hunger pangs I might have felt. 

I listened silently as Irie and Yuna discussed possible reasons Jaxith may have earned himself a trip to reconditioning, feeling both anxious and relieved when it was time to head to class. We sat in our usual places in the auditorium and a hushed whisper spread throughout the room as news of Jaxith’s absence, and the possible circumstances surrounding it, began to spread. I kept my attention straight ahead, ignoring the gossip, and continued to do so when our superiors entered the room. 

I tried to focus on the lecture as Hux and Loic spoke, but I soon found myself staring at Hux’s lips distractedly. I shifted uncomfortably and crossed my legs, trying to ignore the feelings deep within me as my mind supplied all kinds of debaucherous thoughts involving the General. My eyes went wide when he looked at me, and I silently cursed myself for having not been listening. He was silent for a moment, staring at me unnervingly, and I could tell he knew I hadn’t been paying attention. I released the breath I hadn’t realised I was holding when he shifted his focus, calling on another officer instead. I felt Irie hit my leg to get my attention and I glanced at her, not missing the curious look she gave me. I turned my attention back to the front, blushing, and attempted to focus on the lecture; however, I soon found myself distracted by thoughts of General Hux again. 

When class was over, I excused myself from lunch and made my way to the privacy of my room, locking myself in the refresher. I leaned against the door, breathing heavily as my mind continued to supply me with images of the moment I’d shared with Hux, and what could have been. I thought of his lips on mine and quickly removed my gloves, tossing them on the edge of the sink. I unfastened my pants and slid my hand down the front, sighing when my fingertips touched the sensitive spot at the apex of my thighs. I thought of Hux’s lips on mine, of the forceful way he’d held my face and kissed me, and I imagined what would have happened if I had just let go. 

I imagined him pinning me against the wall of his office and ripping my top over my head as he kissed me. I imagined him carrying me to his desk, my legs wrapped around him, and sitting me on the edge. I imagined him removing my leggings and on his knees in front of me, and my back arched against the refresher door at the thought. I imagined him taking me, then and there, on his desk and I felt myself growing closer to the edge. I imagined his scent and the feel of his lips and body on mine. I imagined his domineering presence and the assertive way in which he had kissed me, biting down hard on my free hand to muffle my moans of ecstasy as I reached the point of no return. 

I slumped against the door, breathing shallowly as I came down from my high. After a moment, I straightened myself up, fixing my uniform and washing my hands before splashing some cool water on my face. I checked my reflection in the mirror, noting the slight colour to my cheeks, but otherwise finding no signs of my moment of weakness. I glanced at my chrono and saw that I only had ten minutes to change and get to the training room. “Kriff,” I muttered under my breath, donning my gloves as I hastily exited my room. 

I changed as quickly as I could and made my way to the training room, entering at almost the last minute. I exchanged a glance with General Hux before I quickly ducked my head, my face turning red with embarrassment from both the kiss and my recently explicit thoughts concerning the General. I grabbed an electroprod and joined Nefret and Ragni, suddenly hopeful that I might actually win a match since I would be facing the victor of their fights. I watched them closely, chewing my bottom lip as I studied their forms. 

I was incredibly nervous as I stood there waiting, both at the prospect of facing one of them and that General Hux might single me out. My fears were soon realised when someone joined me where I stood beside the mat. I noted the General’s presence from the corner of my eyes, silently praying that he would not endeavour to say anything about what transpired between us in such a public place. I stood there stiffly, still worrying my bottom lip as I half-heartedly watched my fellow officers fight. I jumped slightly when he spoke.

“Are you alright, Ensign?” he asked quietly, attention still on Nefret and Ragni. 

I took several deep breaths in an attempt to calm my nerves before I replied, “yes, sir.”

He was silent for a moment, and I hoped in vain that he would walk away. “I would like to speak with you, Ensign. After class,” he said. 

I could feel the panic begin to set in at his words, and I hastily made my way onto the mat. “Why don’t you take a break, Ragni?” I asked, clearly not giving her the option to say no. They both stopped and looked at me curiously before Ragni left the mat without question. I did not miss the way that Nefret glanced between me and the General, brow quirked as if trying to put something together. I faced off against her and, much to my dismay, was quickly defeated. My distracted state made for a poor day of training, but I did manage to defeat Ragni at least once. 

I positioned myself strategically nearest the door during our final formation and quickly exited the training facility upon our dismissal. I briefly thought about heading straight to my room and barring myself inside, but thought better of being alone in case Hux decided to seek me out. Instead, I made my way to the mess hall to join my friends for dinner. I sat where I could see Nefret, ensuring that I would not miss her departure. 

I ate rather quickly, incredibly hungry from having practically not eaten all day. I chewed my lip nervously as I waited for Nefret to finish, trying to avoid outright staring at her as she ate with Ragni. I finally saw her get up to return her tray and I followed, not bothering to excuse myself to my friends. 

“Are you heading back?” I asked, hoping that she would answer in the affirmative. 

“Yes,” she replied skeptically. 

“Do you mind if I join?” I asked. 

“Sure,” she replied slowly. 

I could not help myself as I glanced nervously around me as we exited the mess hall together. I continued to do so the entire trip to our room, nervous that General Hux would appear out of nowhere demanding to speak with me. I was relieved when we made it back without incident, but my relief did not last for long. 

“Alright. What is up with you?” Nefret asked, rounding on me once the door to our room had closed. 

“I...I don’t know what you mean,” I replied, trying to feign ignorance. 

“Don’t play dumb with me,” she scoffed. “You’ve been acting weird all day, and you’re going to tell me why.” 

I stared at her with wide eyes, quickly trying to think of something to say. I settled on the truth, or at least part of it. “I think Officer Cosmin got sent to reconditioning because of me,” I said sheepishly. 

“What do you mean?” she asked, crossing her arms over her chest. 

I walked around her and sat down on the edge of my bed. “I went for a drink last night. We all did,” I said, pausing to chew on my lip for a moment as I thought about exactly how to proceed. “I left and Jaxith offered to escort me. When we reached the lift, he tried to kiss me,” I finished, looking down at my feet embarrassed. 

“Why would he get sent to reconditioning over that?” Nefret asked. 

“I didn’t want him to. I told him not to. He didn’t listen.” I paused, waiting for her to reply. When she did not, I glanced up at her, noting the look of confusion on her face. “Hux...General Hux saw it happen,” I clarified. 

“Oh,” she said, her mouth maintaining the shape of the word even after she’d said it. “That’s not good.” I just shook my head in response. “Are you okay?” she asked. 

“Yeah...I just feel bad that he got sent to reconditioning over an almost kiss,” I answered, looking back down at my feet. I was shocked when Nefret sat down beside me a moment later. 

“No...don’t feel bad. He deserves it,” she said vehemently. “He was in the wrong and he needs to suffer the consequences.” We sat in silence for several moments before she spoke again. “So, is that why you’re avoiding General Hux?” she asked, clearly referring to my erratic behaviour all afternoon. When I didn’t respond, she continued, “Don’t let him intimidate you. He probably just wants to make sure you’re okay. I’m sure he doesn’t think any less of you. You’ve done nothing wrong.” 

I put a small, fake smile on my face and looked at her. “Thanks, Nefret,” I said. “I’m sure you’re right.” 

She stood up after that and entered the refresher in silence. I stared at the door long after she’d closed it, thinking to myself how erroneous her assumptions were that I had done nothing wrong. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you guys so much for reading. Kudos and comments give me life.  
> But really, I appreciate those of you that take the time to leave feedback and tell me what you think.


	23. Curiosity

# Curiosity

* * *

#### 32 ABY - Starkiller Base - The Unknown Regions

#### Evren, Day 80

The rumours concerning Jaxith’s sudden absence continued to circulate, and I’d recently learned that he had apparently spent four days in the detention center prior to beginning reconditioning aboard the  _ Steadfast _ . I was surprised to learn that he had been sent so far away, and suspected that Hux was responsible for that as well. I had effectively dodged General Hux over the past few weeks, and planned to continue doing so. Luckily, Nefret had been rather helpful in my efforts to avoid him, and I was increasingly grateful that I had confided in her. Of course, she still only knew half of the story and I intended to keep it that way. 

“I still can’t believe that Jaxith was detained prior to reconditioning. Whatever he did must have been really bad,” Irie said as we changed for the afternoon. 

“Do you think he’s a spy?” Yuna asked from where she sat lacing up her boots. 

“No...he would be dead or still imprisoned if that were the case,” Irie replied. “What do you think, Evren?” 

I paused, staring into my locker as I tried to think of what to say. Thus far, I had managed not to answer any questions regarding Jaxith’s plight. I didn’t like lying, and I certainly didn’t want to lie any more than I already had to my friends. I was relieved when Nefret joined us, interjecting on my behalf. 

“It’s not our place to speculate, and I suggest you stop if you don’t want to find yourselves sent to reconditioning, too.” She walked away, exiting the locker room without saying another word. 

“What’s she going to do? Tell on us,” Irie said, staring at the locker room door. “I’m sorry your roommate is such a bitch, Evren.” 

“We’ve actually been getting along,” I replied, still working to place my uniform neatly inside my locker. “Curiosity did kill the sloth-cat. Maybe she’s just tired of hearing about it,” I suggested. 

“I guess…,” Irie replied skeptically, not sounding at all impressed by my defence of Nefret. 

We exited the locker room in silence and made our way to the firing range. This was the day I’d dreaded the most over the last several weeks because it was the one time Hux could actually, plausibly, try and speak with me. Granted, it would be difficult to have a private conversation with a fellow officer standing on either side of me, but the possibility still made me nervous. I stood waiting for my turn, running through the proper form and technique in my head. I wanted to ensure I gave General Hux absolutely no reason to single me out. 

When it was finally my turn, I stepped up and triple checked my stance before picking up the first blaster. I remembered what Hux had told me, what he’d done when he'd helped me all those weeks ago, mimicking the position now. I was incredibly aware of the flush on my cheeks as I thought about his hands, his body on mine, and I hoped that no one noticed. I stretched out my arms, aiming, and took a deep, steadying breath before I fired. I focused solely on the blaster in my hand and the target, blocking out everything else. I made my way down the row of blasters the same way: slowly, deliberately, focused. I took my final shot and inspected the target as I set the blaster down. I could not help but smirk slightly to myself at my improvement. I’d managed to hit the target every time and, for that, I was proud. 

I turned to return to my place in line and nearly ran into General Hux. He grabbed me, placing steadying hands on my arms as I swayed in my attempt to not run into him. I looked up at him, my eyes locking with his, and I was overwhelmed by his close proximity and the enticing smell of hamogany. I felt myself blush furiously. 

“Sorry, sir,” I mumbled, averting my gaze. 

He said nothing as his hands lingered on my arms for longer than was necessary, or appropriate. I continued to stare at his chest, my face aflame, and after a moment, he let me go, moving on down the row of officers without a word. 

I quickly returned to my place in formation and turned my attention forward, hoping that no one had seen the awkward exchange. I made a conscious effort to avoid meeting Hux’s gaze for the remainder of class, maintaining a very tense posture. I was relieved when the last group of officers had finished and stood patiently waiting for dismissal. 

“You all did well today. I am impressed by your progress,” Captain Loic stated simply before turning his attention to General Hux. I continued to keep my focus on Loic as Hux began to speak. 

“I am pleased to announce that Starkiller Base is fully operational. To mark this momentous achievement for the First Order, there will be a celebration. More details to come.” I could not help myself as I turned my attention to Hux, noting his stern expression. “Dismissed,” he barked. 

I paused for a moment, as I wondered what exactly a celebration would entail, before remembering myself and hastily making my exit in order to avoid Hux. I caught up with Irie and Yuna, who talked excitedly about the announcement. 

“I hope we’ll get to wear something besides our uniforms,” Yuna said. “At least the female officers,” she added with a pointed look at Nico. 

I furrowed my brow. “Like what?” I asked, thinking of the athletic wear and uniforms that comprised my wardrobe. 

“Are you serious?” Yuna asked with an incredulous look on her face. 

“Uhhh...a dress,” Irie replied as if it were obvious. When I continued to stare blankly at them both, she asked, “you do have a dress, don’t you?” 

“No,” I said, shrugging my shoulders. “Why would I?” 

“Well, for occasions like this obviously,” Yuna replied. 

“I didn’t anticipate that there would be ‘occasions like this,’” I said, using my fingers to make air quotes around my repetition of Yuna’s words. 

“I wouldn’t worry about it,” Irie said. “I’m sure we’ll have to wear our kriffing uniforms.” 

“Maybe Carice will have an extra dress you can borrow,” Nico finally spoke, helpfully. 

I just smiled at him meekly, knowing that anything Carice had would be at least five inches too long on me. We exchanged glances as Irie and Yuna continued to gush over the celebration, speculating about what it would be like. I could tell that he was just as uncomfortable as I was at the prospect of attending a party and I silently wondered why. 

“Do you think you’ll go with Carice to the celebration, Nico?” Yuna asked him as we sat for dinner. 

I noticed the slight tinge of red that coloured his cheeks at the question. “I dunno. Yes, I suppose, if she’ll have me,” he answered almost timidly, and I suddenly understood his trepidation. He was apparently nervous about asking Carice to be his escort, and I, once again, wondered at the nature of their relationship. I decided to save him from Yuna and Irie’s inquisition by voicing a question I’d had since Hux’s announcement.

“Don’t you find it odd that we’re celebrating the completion of Starkiller Base when construction is ongoing? I mean...we’ve all seen the crews and equipment…” I said, letting my sentence trail off. 

“I hadn’t really thought about it,” Nico said, brow furrowing in thoughtful contemplation. 

“Who cares?” Yuna replied, waving me off. “We’re having a party.” 

“I think that we should just appreciate and enjoy this bit of lighthearted fun,” Irie said seriously, effectively silencing my query. I stayed mostly quiet throughout the remainder of dinner, chewing my lip as I puzzled over my previous revelation. I could tell that my question had troubled the others just as much as it troubled me. 

I soon retired for the night, preferring the solace of my room to the company of my friends. Avoiding General Hux was proving to be an exhausting task, and I wanted nothing more than to crawl into my bed and sleep the rest of the night away. I was surprised when I entered my room to see a rather large, rather long, box sitting atop my bed. It was elegantly wrapped with a large black ribbon, my name written in an elegant script on a card hanging from the bow. I ran my fingers delicately along the edge of the box, noting that it was made from a smooth fabric rather than flimsicard. I flipped over the card, looking for any indication as to who had sent it.

“A droid dropped that off not long ago,” Nefret said as she exited the refresher. 

I jerked my hand away as if I’d been caught doing something I shouldn’t. “Did it say who it was from?” I asked. 

“No,” she replied simply, quirking her brow as she leaned against the refresher door. 

I turned back to the package, a sinking feeling growing in the pit of my stomach as I examined the finery of it again. I had a sneaking suspicion who this gift was from and I had no desire to confirm my theory. “Is it alright if I sit it here?” I asked Nefret, moving the mysterious package to the desk we shared. 

“You’re not going to open it?” she asked with obvious incredulity. 

“I’m tired,” I replied simply, sitting on the edge of my bed to remove my boots. I could feel her gaze on me as I changed and I did my best to avoid making eye contact with her, painfully aware of how conspicuous I must seem. I crawled into bed and faced the wall, turning my back to the room. 

“Whatever,” Nefret said, the exasperation clear in her voice as she climbed into her own bed. I stared at the durasteel in front of me, thinking about the package. Of course I was curious what was inside, but my desire to remain in the dark regarding the sender far exceeded my curiosity. 

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, thank you all so much for reading. Kudos and comments are always welcome and greatly appreciated.


	24. Inferiority Complex

# Inferiority Complex

* * *

#### 32 ABY - Starkiller Base - The Unknown Regions

#### Evren, Day 85

I sat on the edge of my bed and pulled on my boots, staring at the still unopened box sitting atop the desk across from me. 

“Are you finally going to open it?” Nefret asked from where she stood between our closets.

I stood quickly, moving to grab my tunic from where it hung neatly in my closet. “Nope,” I replied simply. 

“Why not? What are you so afraid of? Who do you think it’s from?” she asked, crossing her arms over her chest. 

I turned my back on her, ignoring her questions as I fastened my tunic and donned my belt. I grabbed my command cap and made my way to the door. “See you,” I said, not missing the annoyed look on her face as I continued dodging both her questions and the package. It had become increasingly exhausting to avoid both Nefret and Hux, but I was grateful that she still remained dutifully close whenever he was near, ever the scapegoat. 

After a rather bland breakfast and an uneventful morning spent in the mock datapits, I found myself waiting my turn to spar with either Nefret or Ragni, electroprod in hand. I finally stepped onto the mat, facing my roommate. 

“I’ll make a deal with you,” she said, readying her stance. “If I beat you, you open the box.”

“That’s hardly fair. You always beat me,” I replied. 

“I know,” she said with a devious smile just before she attacked. I parried blow after blow, not missing the increased ferocity with which she struck. She backed me up, ruthlessly striking out at me. I did my best to defend myself, but I finally gave out, collapsing as I blocked one final blow. I was relieved when she did not strike again, sparing me the electrical shock. We both remained in our respective places, panting from the exertion of our fight. 

“I win,” she said after a moment, between breaths. “You’re opening the package.” 

I continued to try and catch my breath before I finally stood. I replied over my shoulder, “no, I’m not,” as I stepped away from her and assumed my place on the sidelines to watch her and Ragni fight again. 

I was glad when class was finally over, and I headed back to my room to shower and change. I knew the others would be headed to dinner and I had no interest in joining any of them. I’d become increasingly annoyed by my friends. I knew that they meant no harm, but Irie’s and Yuna’s excitement over the impending celebration only served to remind me of the stark contrast in our backgrounds and upbringings. They had been raised within the Order, coming from Imperial families, and, as such, they knew the old Imperial ways. Sure, I was technically a child of the Empire, but I had grown up away from the reach of its remnants. They understood their roles within the First Order, from both a military and social aspect, in ways that I was certain I never would. Their now constant chatter about dinners and dancing and luxuries that I’d never even dreamed of just served to remind me that where First Order officers were concerned, I was an outsider. I was inferior. 

I had taken to spending my nights reading, studying, in one of the shared common spaces on base. I sat, curled up, in one of the dark syncloth chairs in a far corner of the room, trying my best to read over one of the many files on First Order military strategy available to me. However, I found myself distracted by my thoughts. I suddenly felt very lonely and I longed for the days when I shared a room with Carice. Yes, she was a notorious flirt, but her charming, upbeat personality could make even the most dour of people smile. More importantly, she never judged me or made me feel insignificant. She was the first and only person I had opened up to within the Order, and she always seemed to know what to say to cheer me up. I repeated her words, which had become something of a mantra, to myself now. “ _ You deserve to be here. Hux saw it; it’s time you see it, too _ .” 

Hux… the thought of him caused my train of thought to shift altogether, and I found myself once again doubting my worth. Did I deserve to be here? Or was my being here all just some elaborate ploy to try and fuck me because he’d liked what he saw all those years ago? It was obvious by the way he treated me in class that he didn’t respect me and that he definitely disliked me, so I doubted very seriously that he wanted any kind of relationship with me. He didn’t seem like the kind of man to even entertain ideas about personal relationships, and the realisation made me feel foolish. That left the question of the mystery box. 

I was fairly certain it was from him, but I didn’t know why he’d sent it. Did he feel guilty for kissing me? Or, worse, did he regret it? Was he afraid that I would retaliate in some way? Report him? Why would he send me something? I was more curious about the reason behind the package rather than what was inside. I knew that Nefret was right and that I should open it, but I preferred to remain blissfully ignorant. 

My thoughts were interrupted when a couple of officers entered the room, talking loudly amongst themselves. I returned to my reading, but had difficulty concentrating due to both the noisy officers and my sudden fatigue. I gave up on military strategies in favour of retiring for the night. As I walked, I debated on whether or not I was going to finally open the mysterious package, taking my time to further avoid my roommate’s persistence concerning the matter. 

I reached the door to my room and stood outside for a moment, dreading the awkwardness that was to come. After a moment, I stepped closer to it, my code cylinder unlocking the door, and entered the room. I noticed Nefret lounging on her bed and immediately turned my attention to the desk, where the box had been sitting for the past week. I was surprised to find it empty. I looked at Nefret and was about to ask her where the package was when I noticed something out of the corner of my eye. 

I moved towards my bed, where the dark, fabric wrapped box was now lying, and saw that it was opened. 

“I’m sorry...I opened it,” Nefret said. I was momentarily furious, but, luckily for her, my curiosity outweighed my anger. I was well aware when she stepped up behind me, looking over my shoulder at the box, but I said nothing to acknowledge her presence. Instead, I gingerly moved aside the careful packaging, stopping when I reached a delicate appearing red fabric. I let my hand hover over the fabric, almost afraid to touch the obviously luxurious item and tarnish it. 

“What is it?” she asked in a whisper, urging me on quietly. I hesitated a moment longer before I lifted the fabric from the box, allowing it to unfurl in my hands. “Is that glistaweb?” Nefret asked, still in a whisper. I examined the item in my hands, allowing my eyes to sweep the length of it. 

It was a dress, made of a shimmering red fabric with a high neckline and ruffled sleeves. A bejewelled brooch adorned an attached belt made of the same crimson fabric. In a word, it was beautiful. I had never dreamed of owning something so lovely, and the opulence of it caused me to feel inferior once again. Looking at the dress, there was no doubt in my mind who had sent it. I felt myself begin to panic. All of my thoughts and feelings over the past few weeks about General Hux and my friends returned, causing me to feel incredibly unsure of myself. 

I gently laid the dress across my bed and turned around. Nefret looked at me, her expression changing from awe to concern. “I’ll be back,” I said, not allowing her to speak as I swiftly exited our room. I took off in a hurry, paying no attention to where I was going. I just had to get away. I walked aimlessly, trying to make sense of it all. I longed for the refuge of my quiet corridor, but knew not to risk going there. General Hux was the last person I wanted to see right now. I continued to walk, worrying my lip as I formulated a plan. 

I made my way to the med bay decidedly, seeking out Captain Balint. I was relieved when I entered to see her seated behind the desk. She looked up and, upon seeing it was me, smiled. 

“Ensign Saeran, how can I help you?” she asked. 

I saluted her quickly before answering her question. “I request permission to work Benduday night.” 

She appeared thoughtful for a moment before she replied, “I don’t see why not. We’ll have to confirm with Major Marfa.” 

“Yes, sir,” I replied, suddenly hopeful that my plan to work the evening of the celebration would be successful. I was surprised when she immediately called the Major. Her kind face appeared before us in miniature on Balint’s wrist comm. 

“How can I help you, Captain Balint?” 

“Major,” she said with a quick salute before continuing, “Ensign Saeran has requested to work Benduday. I have no problem with it, but wanted to get your permission.” 

She paused for a moment in thoughtful contemplation before she replied. “I’m sorry, Officer Saeran, but no. I’m afraid that the General would be displeased by your absence,” she replied with an almost knowing smile, and I felt my heart sink. My plan had failed. I exited the med bay defeated and made my way back to my room in a discouraged daze. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all so much for reading, and a special shout out to those of you who take the time to leave comments and/or kudos. It means a lot, and I love hearing from you guys.


	25. Preparation

# Preparation

* * *

#### 32 ABY - Starkiller Base - The Unknown Regions

#### Evren, Day 89: Part 1

I moved slowly as I dressed for the day begrudgingly. We had class in the morning and then we had the afternoon to ourselves in order to prepare for the celebration tonight. This was by far the thing I’d dreaded the most since I’d begun training almost a year ago. I took one final look at myself in the mirror, ensuring not a hair was out of place, before I exited the refresher. I exchanged a quick glance with Nefret, neither of us saying a word. I wasn’t sure if it was my panicked expression or my silence over the past few days, but she had been sincerely apologetic after the incident with the package. We finished dressing in silence and she paused by the door. 

“Would you like to walk to breakfast together?” she asked hesitantly. 

“No. You go on ahead. I need to check my messages,” I said as I sat back down on my bed, making a show of grabbing my datapad. 

“Alright,” she replied with a nod of her head. “I’ll see you in class.” 

I did not reply, pretending to check my messages as she left. In truth, I had none, but my desire to avoid people had only grown over the past week. I continued to hope that Marfa would change her mind, and I would receive a missive granting me permission to work during the celebration. I found myself disappointed daily. Huffing, I tossed my datapad face down on my bed and made my way to breakfast. I wished for the morning to go by slowly as I walked, delaying my inevitable discomfort tonight. 

I was surprised when class began without General Hux, and I felt both relief and disappointment at his absence. I stared off distractedly as Captain Loic spoke, wondering where he could be. A quick look around the room told me that I was not the only officer too distracted to focus on lecture today, and I felt less guilty about my inattentiveness. I felt dread begin to creep up in me again when we were dismissed for the day. I checked my chrono to confirm the time, and was shocked to see that the morning was indeed gone. My earlier wish for the day to drag by slowly was not coming true. 

“Evren, are you coming with us to meet Carice?” Irie asked me as we made our way down the corridor. 

“Carice is coming?” I asked, looking to Nico for confirmation. He simply nodded. 

“Of course, she’s coming,” Irie said. “We’re going to get ready together.”

“Oh… right…” I replied lamely. I had been momentarily relieved and excited to see Carice. I’d hoped to get a chance to talk to her, but my mood had instantly soured when Irie off-handedly reminded me about the celebration tonight. I stopped walking. 

“What’s wrong, Evren? Don’t you want to come?” Yuna asked as they all stopped to look at me. 

“You guys go ahead. I’m not feeling well. I’ll just see you later,” I said as convincingly as I could. I continued to stand in the corridor as they bid me farewell and walked away, waiting until they were out of sight to head to the safety of my room. 

I collapsed on my bed facedown. I was exhausted and it was barely lunch time. After a moment, I sat up and pulled off my boots before climbing under the covers. I didn’t care that I was still in uniform, I just wanted to sleep. 

I awoke later, unsure of the time, and was surprised to see Nefret moving about the room. 

“I was wondering when you were going to wake up,” she said. 

“What time is it?” I asked with a yawn. 

“Just after 1600.” 

I hummed thoughtfully before replying, “I thought you’d be getting ready with Ragni.” 

“I’m heading there now. We’re going to do each other’s hair,” she said, pausing before adding, “Aren’t you going to start getting ready? You could join us, you know…” 

“Thanks, but no thanks.” 

“Are you going to get ready with your friends then?” she tried again. 

“I wasn’t planning on it,” I replied, pulling the blanket up to my chin. 

“You know...attendance is mandatory…” 

“I am aware. I have three hours. I’m not worried about it,” I said, turning my back on her and closing my eyes to sleep again. 

“Alright…” she replied, letting the word linger. “See you later then,” she said, leaving me to the solitude of our room. 

I snuggled deeper under my covers and had just started to doze when I was awakened by the sound of someone requesting entry to my room. I groaned as I crawled out of bed to answer the door. I was surprised to find Carice standing outside my door, impeccably dressed and entirely alone. She cut me off before I could say anything. 

“You haven’t even started getting ready?” she asked, clearly exasperated. I tried to speak again, but was cut off as she hustled me back into my room and made her way into the refresher, turning on the shower. “Get cleaned up. Do NOT wash your hair. Hurry up,” she added, shoving me towards the refresher door as I stood there staring at her dumbly. I was still too befuddled from my sleep to comprehend the urgency in her voice. 

I undressed and stepped into the shower, basking in its warmth while taking care to avoid getting my hair wet per Carice’s orders. As I thought of what was to come, both the celebration and the preparation for it, I wanted nothing more than to remain in the warmth of the water. I stood there long after I had finished bathing, enjoying the feel of the warm water. I was startled from my reverie by the sound of Carice banging on the door of the refresher. I stepped out of the shower and wrapped myself in a towel before leaving the warmth of the refresher for my cool room. I watched as Carice strategically placed several items on the surface of the desk, taking her distraction as an opportunity to speak. 

“Where are Irie and Yuna?” I asked. “I’m surprised they’re not with you.” 

“They’re finishing getting ready,” she replied, not stopping to look at me as she spoke. “I thought you’d be glad for some alone time. I imagine this hasn’t been easy for you.” 

I was relieved she had broached the subject and was about to reply when she spoke again. “I brought you a dress to borrow, but I see you’ve already got one,” she said, nodding her head in the direction of my bed where the gifted dress was neatly laid out atop my now made bed covers. I felt my mouth go dry at the site of the dress, and my newfound relief turned back to anxiety. “It’s gorgeous, but where in the galaxy did you get it? I knew you’d been saving, but this…wow,” she finished, turning to stare at me. 

I stood there staring at her as she waited for my response. After a moment of awkward silence, I swallowed thickly. “It was a gift,” I said, voice cracking as I spoke. 

“A gift?” she asked, arching one of her eyebrows. “From who?” 

I licked my lips before I replied, “I’m not sure.” I chewed my bottom lip nervously as I briefly debated telling her about my interaction with General Hux and my suspicion that the gown was from him as well, but I decided against it. I wasn’t sure if I should ever tell, or what would happen if I did. Would I be punished? Until I knew what was going on, and I was no longer serving directly under him, I would keep that moment between us a secret. She stared at me skeptically for a moment before she changed tactics. 

“Come sit,” she said, tapping the seat in front of her. I did as she commanded, allowing her to paint my face as she saw fit. I was putting my trust in her entirely where my appearance was concerned and I only hoped that she wouldn’t go overboard when it came to my makeup and hair. We remained silent as she worked on my face, and I finally decided to broach a subject which had me curious for quite some time when she started on my hair. 

“Carice,” I said, addressing her as she worked. She hummed in response, so I continued. “What’s the deal with you and Nico?” I asked, deciding not to beat around the bush. 

“There’s no deal,” she replied after a brief pause, and I suddenly wished I could see her face. 

“You seem rather close,” I said, encouraging her to explain. 

“We are. I like him. A lot,” she said, adding the last as an afterthought. 

“I like him a lot, too,” I replied. “I’m glad to see you settling down.”

“We’re not getting married,” she laughed. 

“You know what I mean…” 

“I do,” she replied. “He does make me happy.” 

“Good,” I said, sincerely thrilled to see the person who had become my closest confidante both happy and no longer burning through man after man. 

“Now to find you someone,” she said after a moment. 

“Ha!” I replied sardonically. “Maybe if and when I leave the Order. You know everyone here thinks I’m an outsider.”

“Hey!” she said, grabbing my shoulders firmly. “You deserve to be here. It’s time that you recognised that.”

“I’ve been repeating those words a lot lately,” I confessed. She moved so she could look at me, leaning against the desk she now stood in front of. 

“What do you…?” Her question was interrupted by the sound of someone requesting entry at my door. She silently moved to open it and I was unsurprised to see Irie and Yuna. They looked lovelier than I’d ever seen them in gowns of grey. 

“Come on in,” Carice said enthusiastically in place of a greeting. “We’re almost done here. Evren was just going to get dressed,” she said, and I took that as my queue to don my gown. 

I grabbed it from the bed and stepped into the refresher as Irie and Yuna made their way into my room. I dropped my towel, gingerly pulling on the crimson dress and fastening it with some difficulty. I’d failed to notice the plunging back or above-the-knee slit before, and the discoveries only added to my discomfort. I stared at myself in the mirror, not believing what I saw. My makeup was simple with a slightly heavier accentuation of my eyes than was typical and Carice had styled my hair in a bun at the nape of my neck. It hung loosely down my upper back with strands falling messily from it here and there. The colour of the dress only served as a stark contrast against my skin and hair, creating a truly striking visage. I knew that I was pretty enough, but I would never consider myself beautiful. I was too poor, too plain for that, and a military uniform did nothing for my appearance. Furthermore, my quiet demeanour and petite stature had always caused me to be easily overlooked, so it was very rare that people even noticed me, let alone my appearance. However, in that moment, I hardly recognised the girl staring back at me from the mirror, and, after several moments of hesitation, I finally exited the refresher. 

“Wow…” Irie said, almost in a whisper, while Yuna stood there with her mouth agape. I quickly turned my attention to the floor, blushing furiously at the attention. 

“You look lovely,” Carice said, a satisfied smile on her face. “Put your shoes on and let’s go.” I did as I was told and soon found myself walking through the corridors of Starkiller Base. I chewed my bottom lip anxiously, grateful when Carice linked her arm through mine in a comfortably familiar way. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all so much for reading. As always, comments and kudos give me life. I love hearing from you guys and seeing that you’re enjoying reading the story as much as I’m enjoying writing it. 
> 
> I know my last couple of posts have been a little late, and I do apologise for that. I have been helping to take care of my granddad who was recently placed on hospice due to pancreatic cancer, so if I miss a week, don’t be surprised. I’m still very much loving writing this story, but I’m just so exhausted at times that I can’t even think about working on it.


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